One is the lonliest number that you'll ever do
Yesterday I went out with "friends" and hated every second of it. I occasionally tried to enjoy myself but mostly I focused upon how I hated everyone who was there and could possibly be there.
Would alcohol have helped? Either I just would've hated them more drunkenly or I would've joined in on their inane prattle and become the object of my hate. ( Read more... )
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I second this remark! I know exactly how that feels, but I did notice that my lack of 'making the effort' left my pretty damn lonely and depressed. It's pretty rubbish so I just go... and leave if it's boring. I no longer fear getting up and saying 'man... I'm gonna go home for a bit' then walking away and not going back. But if it's good... then it's good! :/ all this over thinking is sometimes tiresome, but I can't stop doing it!!!!
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A little while before this post I spent some time with Daniel & a few of his friends in Oxford & really enjoyed myself. I was really interested in all the conversations I took part in & thoroughly enjoyed everything I did there.
After I got back home I went out to a pub that I hate when I didn't want to drink & had to listen to conversations consisting entirely of quotes from films I hated or had never heard of.
A part of me feels like I'm just being miserable & a dick when I don't enjoy myself when I'm out or when I don't make an effort to go out, but I do feel like I go out for the sake of it with people I don't even like all that much because I just don't have that many friends.
I really do have to make more of an effort with the people I do like though. I am a terrible person when it comes to that which probably has quite a lot to do with my downward spirals into negativity.
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