Drinking is the thing that instigates my mood swings, but if I don't drink I am stuck at the lower end of the spectrum. The end of the spectrum that sucks.

What I need is something that cycles me around with marginally less damage to my liver, kidneys & brain. That's not too much to ask. It's not as though I'm asking to be perfectly happy all the ( Read more... )

I planned on using this post to de-construct & criticise my recent decisions but then I decided that would be a terrible idea considering my current state of inebriation.

Why did I do what I did? Because that is what I do, of course.

Was it a mistake? Probably. But I am far too stubborn to admit so now.

Am I a terrible person? Of course I am. That was ( Read more... )

Do you ever get the feeling that you're constantly sinking but you've given up caring because it feels as though you drowned a long, long time ago?

Yeah...

I am not excited by things I know I should be excited about. I do not enjoy things I know I should enjoy. I can not think of a way to fix this other than chanting "YOU WILL ENJOY THIS!" in my head over & over again & so that is what I shall attempt.

Time to spam LJ with posts as I do not wish to have incongruous thoughts in a single entry.

I think that one of the reasons my previous attempts at returning to LJ have failed is because a lot of the appeal was the community aspect of it, that other people could see what I'd written & comment on/discuss it. I'm not sure if this is down to pure ( Read more... )

I don't seem to have much idea about to write here. I believe that I did, but looking back at my previous entries for the last couple of years (which did not take long, sparse as they are) has left me pretty much speechless & at least mildly more depressed. Every one of them is pretty much the same & every one echoes my current feelings of ( Read more... )

So life has been pretty much meaningless lately.

I thought I'd just let that sentence linger awhile as it did in my head. It has almost sapped my will to go on (typing) but the whole reason I'm back here is to try & get my brain working again so that I don't feel like a corpse going about my daily business.

I would ask you to forgive this stream of ( Read more... )

So it turns out that two dead & three in hospital with one definitely not coming back & the others not looking much better, in the space of a single week, is my upper limit before having a mild psychotic episode.

I have also discovered that, if purgatory exists, it shall consist of me running through dense fog from home to home finding each one ( Read more... )

I always seem to feel way too much or not at all. I would like to one day reach that happy middle ground of being an emotionally healthy human being.

Earlier today I distinctly remember being rather passionate but now it all seems to be gone. I am just sitting here desperately trying to care about something, or at least I was until I stopped caring ( Read more... )

Fuck yes. It's time for some Depeche Mode. I should really look up what that means...

Technology is a mixed bag. On the one hand I despise missing out on any kind of gathering or fun times & technology does allow for me to keep up to date with these & also for the organisation of relatively spontaneous outings. On the other hand I am frequently ( Read more... )