Drowning in a Sea of Negativity

[i_died_again]

I found out my provisional results today. Of what remained unmarked from the beginning of the year I received 2-1s in 40 credits and 1sts in 30 credits. This means that my final degree shall be a very solid 2-1.

However I feel no elation, no joy, no relief. In fact I don't feel much of anything at all. At this very moment my feelings consist only of

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[i_died_again]

I am aware that I've done well, which is why I am disconcerted by the fact that I really just don't care.

But then again, why is a 2-1 amazing? It's the least that was expected of me, it's what I expected to get from the first year & it's what I knew I was going to get from half-way through the second.

And I am not depressed. I have merely put down my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand them as a large part of who I am involves inflection & a need to know the how & why of my inner workings. At most I have been mildly irritated & confused.

Also, being drunk is never an excuse for being unpleasant, it is merely an excuse to be unpleasant.