I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess

[i_novander]

Right, so we're one week in and I haven't dropped out yet. That's not a bad start but it's not a good one either. Even slightly less and it wouldn't be a start at all. But still, weekly microfiction #1, based on the keyword "Rain" sort of suggested by Hadidet is hidden under the cut.

Comments

[dracsdaughter]

I liked the flow of this little story. The "where to put hands" was my favorite. Everyone has been there.

There are a bit too many "they"s in the first paragraph. Didn't feel tight enough to merit the repetition, nor was there too much reason to hammer the "they" into the reader. Maybe switch up the wording a little.

I'm pretty excited you're doing these. Makes me wanna play, too.

The "Wizard has turned you into a whale" shirt has been much admired by me for awhile. One day...

[hadidet]

aw.

[hadidet]

Also, those shirts are cool. The Panda shirt is my personal favourite.

[postcardanswers]

I really like your story, it's nicely complete. The only thing that lets it down is the first paragraph - it was confusing as to who 'they' were - I read it as some other group not looking at you and your friends. I think if you changed 'us' to 'me' instead, it would be more direct? I agree about too many 'they's as well, the wording does just need switching around a little. It's a sweet story, and one I think everyone can relate to :-)

And yeah those tshirts are cool. I like the Kant Stop The Music one.

[hadidet]

Amma post inspirations at you whenever I can be bothered, because I like your writing style already.

Sentences to start a story with:

When the house was still standing,