In Another Castle

[icaruslived]

Excited Goodbye!     posted by jond, January 18th 3002.

INTERIOR: A clean, unused, small, dormitory. In front of the camera, taking up most of the frame, is a fresh-faced youngster with cropped hair and a Kirk vs Picard shirt. This is JONATHAN, and he is adjusting the camera. Eventually, he is satisfied, and sits back.

JONATHAN:
So. Uh. Sorry

Comments

[kickthehobbit]

This is absolutely fantastic. :D

[icaruslived]

Thank you very much! It's, um, mildly autobiographical, so I was worried the core conflict wouldn't quite ring true for others, so it's good to hear that it's not just me! :D

[kickthehobbit]

The story is presented and progresses in such a way that makes it easy to follow along with and believable despite the far-future setting. I don't think you have much to worry about. :)

[jem0000000]

I like this.

One formatting note -- the edges of a couple of your wider paragraphs are spilling onto the sidebar for me. Other than that, I like the formatting as well; having the "views", "likes", and "comments" added to the online-journal feel. I very nearly clicked on one of them, thinking they were real. ;)

And I agree that the conflict feels realistic -- it's hard to be involved in something cool and not be able to show people exactly how cool it is.

[icaruslived]

Mmm. Is it still overflowing? It's very minor, if anything, on my screen, so I went for a minimal change rather than a maximal one - does it look okay on your end?

And thank you very much! If you wanted to read comments on one of the entries, I think I did my job :D (I was actually pondering on writing some of the comments as well - maybe a "featured comment" like Youtube has these days - but in the end I decided against it. It would have lost some of the voice and epistolary feel, I think.)

[jem0000000]

The very first paragraph is still doing it a bit; everything else is great. It looks almost as if LJ has forgotten where the edge of the journal is? It's sort of weird, I'm kind of wondering if it is something that can be fixed. It's honestly more like a word-wrap error than a font thing.

You're welcome. Hmm, I think you're probably right about the comments -- it would have thrown the narrative voice off a bit.

LJ Idol Week 3: Recommendations!

[livejournal]

User kickthehobbit referenced to your post from LJ Idol Week 3: Recommendations! saying: [...] of a relationship between two people that is doomed to fail TRIBE THREE: -In Another Castle [...]

[halfshellvenus]

Really neat idea, and the format as well.

Poor Jonathan. Wouldn't want to kill ALL that enthusiasm though, not right away.

[icaruslived]

You know, I think he'll be just fine :P

In my head, Captain Meredith will obviously research whatever she can on someone she has to do a disciplinary hearing for, upto and including psych profiles and spacefacebook and spaceyoutube :P I hope that got across - that her harshness was calculated to not kill his enthusiasm, just to temper it.

[n3m3sis43]

D'aww... Jonathan reminded me of one of my characters, who would react the same way if he ever got to be part of the crew on a real live starship. I'm really glad he got a second chance.

[icaruslived]

Optimism and the human spirit of exploration, ho!