You kids today with your dimensional warping and your TPing and your costumes and your candy!

Get off my lawn.

Oh dear sweet numberless lords of Chaos I'm becoming him.

For the last time- No I will not tell you a joke. Just because you happen to be orphan demons doesn't mean you can get away with this kind of slander! Buzz off! Scram! Vaminos!

So completely not kidding here. If you try to squeak my nose one more time- OKAY THAT IS IT. I'm feeling nice today. I'm going to explain this one last time before I murder ( Read more... )

[Black Mage can be found standing outside his room, uttering a single letter endlessly without pause for breath.

He appears to be broken.]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

[It's just another day in Hell for Black Mage, until he steps outside to see half the castle grounds reduced to so much ash thanks to a certain young lady's temper tantrum.]

Did I, uh, sleep through something?

[It is an ordinary evening in Chateau Black Mage. Everybody's least favorite mage is treating himself to an evening of calm, peaceful television.]

World's Funniest Protagonist Deaths, huh? Now this is the kind of marketing I can get behind. Whoever made this show is my kind of man!

[All is well.

Until this commercial comes on.

For reasons he doesn't ( Read more... )

It has been brought to my attention that a number of annoying Girl Scouts have been going around trying to get everyone they deem "evil", i.e. like half of us here, to do good deeds and nice things and all that other bull. I just have one thing to say to you twerps. Look around us. See all that, y'know, fire and lava and brimstone and such?

This isn ( Read more... )

It's like Christmas in... whatever month this is! January? I don't pay attention to these things. I'm young, handsome, oozing with magical power, and there's a bunch of demons running around just begging for an asskicking. This is awesome.

I wish these guys in the white coats would go away, though. For the last time, I'm not letting you jab me with ( Read more... )

So I think it's really awesome how every time I ever try to do anything ever, a bunch of little girls show up and kick my ass.

Seriously. It's great. Let's just keep doing this forever.

Jerks.

Netherworld City. Never in a thousand hells could you find more wretched a hive of scum and treachery. Backstabbing is the polite way of saying a hello; rape and arson are mundane incidents. This whole city is filled to the brim with monsters, perverts, and all-around ne'er-do-wells.

Frankly, it kinda pisses me off. I hate competition.

Hi there. Name ( Read more... )

[Anyone walking around outside the castle may notice a certain black mage skipping and frolicking around, happily singing an improvised version of "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead". In place of the word "dead", he uses "gone", while frequently exchanging "witch" for variations of "wizard",  "jackass", and "wizard jackass".

Also, because this is not ( Read more... )