Fic: "Just one of those stories...“ Part 3 Stay where you are!, Jared/Jensen, R
Fic title: "Just one of those stories...“ Part 3 Stay where you are!
Author: the_milky_way
Genre: RPS AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word Count: 6.193
Beta: Thanks so much for the beta services and the suggestions akintay
Disclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything.
Notes: written for schmoop_bingo, Prompt: illness - minor at my schmoop_bingo card.
This can be read as a stand-alone.
But it belongs to a series of stories.
Part 1 * Part 2
Summary: Things aren't working out as well as Jensen thought they would. He barely sees Jared, work has taken over his life and then he has to go and faint in the middle of campus. Is anyone still blaming him for being grumpy?
The sky looks gray.
Well, everything looks kinda gray right now. Everything he looks at that isn’t his bed and a hot cup of tea - no coffee thanks to his taste buds suddenly deciding to reject even just the slightest hint of coffee. Jensen mourns the loss of his favorite drink. Tea is good as well but half as efficient as he needs it to be. He’s been called out twice this week for falling asleep during class. And he’s not even a real student. He’s just there to refresh the basics and be applicable for funding, so that he qualifies as part of the research team and not just as another intern.
And he actually thought the real world would be different than school. In college, no one cared if he was there or not but here he actually has to sign in and say his name when it’s called, all to make sure it’s really him in the place.
So okay, being part of a very prestigious therapy program that is being built up on the campus of one of the best known universities in the country might require a little more than just being there but Jensen still hasn’t gotten over his wonder how he ended up here. How he went from not knowing what to do after summer camp to attending classes and working towards being a musical therapist researching new ways of therapies for children.
It’s only been a few months and Jensen still hasn’t really settled into things. It just sort of crashed over him. From agreeing to seeing this prof Jared had told him about to having a real job interview to actually starting to work and going to classes - everything has been rushed and he didn’t have time to just sit down and think about it.
Sometimes, just sometimes, when he feels self-pity creeping up in his mind, or when he’s so exhausted that he can’t even eat anything when he gets home, or when he hasn’t seen Jared in days, hasn’t even talked to him either, then Jensen doubts this. Then he doubts his decision to actually try and sort out his future, to accept the awesome offer Kripke made him and wonders if he’s really doing this for himself or because people talked him into it.
Stress and loneliness make him a grumpy bitch and all the effort Jared put into cheering him up, making him a better person seem to be lost again. Jensen’s actually well liked among his colleagues but in the past few months they learned to leave him alone when he hasn’t had his coffee yet.
And lately, they leave him alone all day long. Just because his body suddenly doesn’t like coffee anymore. The only people actually getting through to him are his patients. Because no matter what kind of jerk Jensen is most days he never ever lets the kids feel it. It’s not their fault anyway.
He thinks Kripke is a little impressed with him when it comes to dealing with kids. But then Jensen loves music, knows what he can do with it and just works with what he sees in his patients. There is not just ‘the’ one therapy, he tries to find new ways, new approaches and even through his doubts Jensen knows that this is the job for him, that this is what he wants to do.
Only right now he wishes he didn’t have to go to work, didn’t have to deal with music and loud noises and maybe even crying children. His head starts to hurt just thinking about it and remembering yesterday’s session makes his stomach turn and his head pound.
Jensen feels gray all over. Everything is achy and subdued but he can’t tell why or where it’s coming from. He knows he’s been running on empty fumes the last couple of days but there were new patients and people calling to know about the new therapies being implemented. Jensen didn’t have time to care about himself.
He didn’t have time for anything but work, so today is actually the first day he realized that he hasn’t spoken to Jared in a few days, maybe even a week. Sure, they are both busy and he might have been a little too grumpy during their last phone call but that’s not a reason to completely break off any contact. Right? Jared wouldn’t be that kind of a douche. Nah... he wouldn’t. Just, Jensen doesn’t even remember much of their last conversation. He was stressed and tired and feeling like he might want to puke his guts out. And that had been maybe five days ago. He really doesn’t know anymore.
He drags himself out of the tiny studio apartment he snatched away from under some artist’s hands. Because Jared’s still living on campus and Jensen doesn’t think they could afford something bigger for them both anyway. Jensen’s getting paid, sure, but not yet enough to support two people, one of them with a bottomless pit for a stomach. Jared living on campus has one big disadvantage though: he’s too far away from Jensen and that thing between them is still just a thing.
They barely see each other and Jensen knows it’s mainly his fault. Being social has never really been his thing when he wasn’t with his friends or people he already knew. Jared, though, needs people, needs more than just one person to bounce off his energy and Jensen can’t feel bad about Jared going out and being a normal college student. He did that to some degree as well.
It’s not only Jared he never sees anymore, it’s Danneel and Matt, or Misha as well. They all live relatively close to Austin, come by from time to time but Jensen is always, always buried in work. He didn’t even realized it at first, didn’t think it was so bad to say ‘sorry, no time, maybe tomorrow’ five times in a row.
Only when Matt called him about where he was and why wasn’t at the Halloween Party at Jared’s dorm and Jensen was already in bed did he start to realize that things weren’t really working out anymore. Jared hadn’t even called to ask where he was. Or Jensen can’t remember if he had and what he might have answered, which is even worse. Anyway, he apparently had missed Halloween and hasn’t heard or seen his boyfriend, if he still is that, since then.
He feels like he’s crawling all the way towards the buildings where his classes are in. Drags his feet and feels every move reverberating through his aching limbs. Even his nose aches and the cool wind isn’t helping either. It’s like something is putting a veil over everything, holding the colors and the sounds back. He has a hard time hearing people lately, understanding low sounds, and he thinks people are starting to notice.
And today his ear started to ache all of a sudden. He feels dizzy and he thinks there might be something oozing out of it as well. He hasn’t checked yet though, because he actually has to work to keep himself on his feet. His bike broke down last week and now he has to walk to work. All across campus, from classes to work, and then back to get home. It’s a long way.
His book bag seems to weigh a ton, pulls his shoulder down and cuts into his already aching muscles. Jensen doesn’t really see where he’s going anymore and for a second he wonders if he should have stayed in bed. But then he remembers it’s Julian’s day today and the kid just responds to him. He can’t just up and call in sick. Even if he wants to.
The steps to the lab building suddenly appear in his field of vision and Jensen wonders how he made it the whole way without realizing and without actually crashing into someone. But then again, he’s early and not many people are actually outside.
He reaches out, sees his hand swim in front of his eyes and tries to grab the railing but misses. The aching in his ears intensifies, makes him feel like there is something stabbing right inside his ear, his head even. The ground is rushing towards him for a reason Jensen can’t grasp. Everything whirls, flashes and hurts. There is a sound inside his head, loud and piercing.
And then everything just goes black.
***
He doesn’t even try to suppress the groan, just lets it go and feels that he needed it. He’s not really awake, just on the edge, lingering and wondering if he’s up to facing the world again. He’s not sure but he knows he’s not exactly where he wanted to be at this time of the day. He isn’t even sure what time it is anyway.
There is a peeping noise, just low enough to not be piercing but still there. Jensen groans again because even though he’s not really awake he knows where he is now. Great. Just what he wanted to achieve. Work his ass off to land himself in the hospital. Wasn’t that every employer’s dream? Jensen just hopes Kripke won't be too mad.
“Jen?” Soft, low voice, close to his ear. It makes him shiver but he doesn’t open his eyes. Something familiar tickles his senses. It smells like home and safety. He takes a deep breath, or tries to because the cough hacking through him takes him by surprise and it's only something that's snapped over his nose that makes him breathe again.
“Oh Jen...”
Still close, still soft and still enticing. Jensen wants to see, wants to open his eyes and see. So he does and groans again. The light is bright and right in his eyes but then it’s shut off even and only the light coming through the window is left.
Jensen blinks, searches the room slowly, with aching eyes and not moving his head. His body feels weighed down, heavy like lead and achy like never before. He tries to breathe again, slow this time and not too deep. And it seems to work. His lungs feel like they are on fire but everything else feel rather numb now and he hopes that it’s painkillers and not just his body doing strange things. He also feels sleepy again.
He doesn’t want to sleep though. He wants to see who’s there, wants to feel safe and protected by that voice close to him. He thinks he hears someone moving around, something being done to his arm but he isn’t sure if it’s really happening or not. When his pillow is moved though he groans again, would flinch at the noise if he could, maybe he even does but can’t feel it. It’s a weird feeling, being torn between a major freak out and not caring at all about what’s going on. It must be really nice drugs then.
“Sssh Jen... Quit being so stubborn. Go back to sleep. Just sleep. Get better. For me, okay?”
Jensen wants to ask ‘and who are you’ but there is something cool on his forehead and he actually moans then instead of groans. It feels good and the smell is there again, close and familiar. The mask on his face is being adjusted and the familiarity of the smell vanishes. Jensen whimpers, wants it back but now he can actually breathe better again. Jensen thinks he feels the oxygen flowing through his nose into his lungs but that might just be the drugs, too.
“Please, Jensen. Just go back to sleep. Don’t fight it. You need it.” The voice sounds more concerned now, a little desperate even and Jensen closes his eyes again. He can’t focus on anything anyway, can’t see what he wants to see. It should worry him but his brain’s too muddled, too drugged to comprehend.
There is something soft pressing against his cheek. Lips, Jensen realizes. Something sort of clicks, rightens itself in Jensen’s mind.
“Jared?”
“I’m here, Jensen. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just please, sleep okay?”
And Jensen does because he can’t resist Jared anyway.
***
The next time he tries to open his eyes the room is flooded by sunlight but it doesn’t hurt as much as the light before. He blinks the sleep from his eyes and is relieved to find that he can actually move around without feeling like a ton of stones is weighing him down.
Everything feels a little less numb, a little less achy but still dizzy and under a gray veil. His balance is still off as well and he has to stop moving around in bed. Being seasick in a hospital would be totally embarrassing and Jensen thinks he’s had enough of that already.
So he only moves his head a little, lets his eyes search the room and immediately stop at the sight of a figure slumped down in a very small and very uncomfortable looking chair.
Jared. Hair mused, dark rings under his eyes and dead to the world. Sprawled out in the chair he looks way too big for, arms akimbo and legs stretched out far into the room. Jensen smiles a little and feels guilty at the same time.
“He’s been here the whole time.”
Jensen doesn’t exactly jump but he might have squeaked a little just there. The oxygen mask is thankfully gone from his face and he doesn’t get too dizzy turning his head in the direction of the voice.
His mother smiles at him from the end of his bed, coffee cup and sandwich in her hands and he knows they are for Jared.
“Mom?”
“You think I’d let you lie in a hospital bed without coming to see you? Tss, Jensen Ross Ackles, you should know me better than that.” It’s all said with a smile that shows how worried his momma has been
“No.. I... just... didn’t think it was that bad.”
“Not bad, just you being an idiot, Jen.” Jared is there, right at his side and Jensen can’t help but sigh and stare a little. The small smile on Jared’s face looks sad and nothing at all like the carefree ones Jensen so loves to see. He gets mocked by Misha for liking them so much that he named them.
He watches as he his momma hands over the cup and sandwich to Jared, hears the soft ‘thanks, Donna’ and feels his heart trip a little at that scene. He wonders what happened, who called his mom and how she reacted towards finding Jared here. Or if she was the one calling Jared. Jensen blinks, confused and groggily. This is all a bit too much for him right now. And really, he isn’t even sure what he is supposed to say right now. Sorry seems to be appropriate but stupid as well. But then he feels kind of stupid anyway, so it might actually be the right thing. His brain, though, seems to think otherwise.
“Shouldn’t you be in class.” It’s even more of a stupid thing to say in this situation and of course he has to blurt it out.
“It’s Saturday.”
“What?” No way. Nope. No way.
“It’s Saturday, Jensen. You’ve been in here for four days. Worried us all with the fever you had going. Your dad’s been here, Danneel, Matt, and Misha as well. Even your boss showed up, apologized for monopolizing your time. Strange guy but nice. Mike called, sent the balloons over there. Uhm, there were other calls but I can’t remember now, will tell you later. God, I'm just glad you finally woke up, that the fever is down.. Man, I was... God…”
Jared shakes his head, shakes himself out of his ramble and blushes very prettily or at least Jensen thinks so. He glanced over to his mom and could see her trying to hide a smile. So it seemed Jared already has her charmed already by simply just being Jared.
Jensen smiles, can’t help it and does so even more when Jared blinks at him, blushes an even deeper shade of red and shrugs.
“You know me. I ramble when I’m nervous. And right now? I’m really fu... uhm.. totally nervous. Yeah.” Jared flops back down into the chair that is now marginally closer to Jensen’s bed and hides his face behind his bangs.
“Dork,” Jensen mumbles.
“No worries, Jared. I have two boys and a teenage daughter at home. Cursing is just natural communication these days,” Jensen’s mom almost grins and Jensen loves her even more.
“So.. uh... why am I here again?” Because yeah, he still doesn’t know.
Jensen sees his mom looking at Jared and then nod, sees it and can’t believe that they already have some sort of silent communication going. This was fast and sort of unexpected.
“Jen… You have an ordinary inflammation of the middle ear. Main reason for your fever and passing out in the middle of campus by the way. Since you insisted on working so much you caught a cold as well. So you were dehydrated and had to fight an inflammation.”
Jared is right there, hand entwined with Jensen’s over the bed cover and Jensen doesn’t even think about it when he bring is up to his lips and places a gentle kiss on the warm skin. Jared looks so worried, sad despite the humor he was going for. Jared looks scared.
“I.. I’m sorry. I didn’t. Uhm, makes sense though, I was wondering why I had trouble hearing people. Everything was a little dizzy. Kripke, well he.. I just wanted to do a good job.” Jensen knows it sounds ridiculous, even when he says the words he knows that. But that’s how he felt. He was the new guy, the one not doing grad school but still having scored the job everyone was so keen on.
“I know, Jen. I know.” Jared looks even sadder now, guilty even and Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He hears the door click shut. His mom’s gone, left them alone but Jensen knows she’ll be back and that they’ll talk about the fact that she didn’t really know about Jared in the first place.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen blurts out when Jared doesn’t say anything further.
“For what?”
“That I.. I never got around telling my mom about you.. or you know.. she knew there was someone but I didn’t have time to tell her more. I’m sorry I haven’t been around and I’m sorry I missed the party and that you thought I wouldn’t wanna see you anymore…”
Jensen rushes out, trips over the words but can’t stop. The words keep coming.
“You know, not calling and all. I’m sorry I’ve such a grumpy bitch and a dick and I really, really hope you don’t hate me because I love you and I didn’t know how to tell you because I was working all the time and we didn’t see each other. But I miss you so much... So yeah... I’m in love with you in case you didn’t notice and I’m sorry I scared you and didn’t tell you and didn’t call you and... “
This time it’s Jared interrupting Jensen’s rambling, which might be the drugs that are still in his system because Jensen never ever rambles. Never. Only, apparently he does when he’s sick and in a hospital bed with Jared perched over him and kissing him all gentle and loving.
“Apology accepted. You are cute when you ramble. Not that you aren’t cute anyway,” Jared smirks at the frown Jensen sends him and looks immediately concerned when Jensen cringes at the pain the movement sends through his ear. Jared smoothes the frown lines away with his thumb, makes Jensen shiver a little and turn into the touch. He has missed this, Jared touching him. Jared being there. He should be concerned about getting Jared sick but he just wants Jared close.
“And I.. I have to apologize as well. I was maybe a little mad that you vanished so completely. I was so happy you decided to come with me and then we never saw each other. I.. it was childish and I’m sorry.”
Jared moves his head so that it lies right next to Jensen’s on the pillow. It can’t be comfortable but Jensen doesn’t want Jared to move. They lock eyes. Jensen feels so stupid now, feels like the biggest jerk on earth. Because work never has been important enough to halt his whole life for but it apparently became that way when he wasn’t looking.
“Danneel... she warned me, you know. Said you’d get overly focused on things when you think you have to prove something. I... I wouldn’t believe her because I thought you’d know how great of a job you were doing. Kripke has been running around praising the hell out of you. I.. maybe I thought this job was more important than me. You have been kind of lost after camp and I... “ Jared says, fumbles with the words a little.
Then he moves even close to Jensen, smiles gentle and slow.
“I think I didn’t know how to deal with it, with the fact that there was suddenly something in your life that was so important again. I mean, we didn’t know each other that well after all. And then you didn’t call back when I told you I was going away for half a week and the next thing I know is Kripke calling me because mine was the only number he could find on you and you parent’s weren’t picking up.”
Jensen just looks at Jared, takes in all the emotions and falls all over again. This guy, the one that dumped a whole tray of slushies over him when they first met, the one that got on a Ferris Wheel despite being afraid of heights, the one that just had to talk to him to settle his panicky thoughts about his unclear future, the one that just spent days at his bedside watching over him, this guy is the one.
Jensen is sure, so sure he just smiles, pulls Jared close and kisses him. He hasn’t been this sure about anything in his life.
“I love you.”
Jared smiles, wide and happy. Jensen has missed this so much.
“I love you, too. And I heard you the first time as well.. all hidden in that epic rant. It’s cute. Nice way to confess.” Jared nods and grins again.
“Did you miss a lot of classes? Being here, watching over me?”
“Not really. As I said I was gone half the week and...”
“You were?” Jensen interrupts him, half aware how idiotic he sounds but barely remembering why he missed that fact. Jared moves his head, looks at him and for a second Jensen thinks Jared might try to climb up on the bed with him. He wouldn’t mind.
“Jen... The doc said you’d been sick for at least a few days. I.. you sounded off on the phone when I told you about the study trip. I thought it was about work, that you didn’t really care because you were so busy anyway. But then Matt called me when I was away, said you couldn’t even remember there was a Halloween party and that you sounded off to him as well. Couldn’t reach you on the phone and three days later Kripke calls and says you are in the hospital.”
Jensen moves then to the side of the bed and pulls Jared up there with him, mindful of the cables and the infusion line but sighs deeply when he can curl up against Jared’s body. He feels a little embarrassed by the fact that he needs this so much.
Jared’s breath is puffing out against his hair, makes it move and him shiver. It feels good to have that again. It’s been way too long and it’s his fault. It’s a sad fact that Jensen needed to get sick to realize that.
“I’m an idiot, huh? 23 and not able to look after myself. I‘m sorry, Jay. I’ve been a jerk and I don’t even know why. How.. I just. You were so happy being social, going out, being back in college,” Jensen mumbles, not really sure if he’s just tired or embarrassed.
“I know it’s you and I love seeing you like that. But I just.. the thing between us.. it happened so fast and was still not really going anywhere... I’m here because of the job but because of you as well and I.. I missed just being with you but I couldn’t really tell you. I don’t know why.”
“’Cause you are a complete spaz when it comes to communication?”
“Might be.” Jensen smiles against the skin of Jared’s neck, licks a little and grins at the shiver he gets in response. He doesn’t know what has been holding them back but he thinks they just received a major lecture on how not to go about this thing between them. Jensen might even be willing to call it a relationship now.
“Thought you were mad at me for not spending time with you and that’s why you didn’t call about the party. God, man.. I forgot you told me about the trip. I really couldn’t remember.”
“Too much work, Jen. Made you sick. Next time I’ll listen to Danneel and get you the fuck away from whatever you are too focused on. Well, unless it’s me.”
Jensen snorts, coughs and lets Jared rub his back until the attack is over. Jared lets him settle back against him and they are silent for quite a while. Things feel less aimless now, at least to Jensen. Something just happened between them and he knows it was long overdue.
“So, how long do I have to stay in here? “
“Doc said something about two more days at least, wants to monitor your cough and see your temperature stays down. He’ll be here later, you can ask him. More rest days at home, though. No work and antibiotics for your ear. But hey, I’ll be there to play nurse, so look forward to that.”
Well, he can deal with that. It’s not the way he wanted to spend time with Jared but at least now he really has a reason to stay in bed. Okay, so he might have had a reason that morning as well. Just different reasons now.
“So you and my momma bonded and are now one front against me? Man...”
Jared laughs, shakes Jensen’s body and sounds so happy that Jensen swallows hard. What he almost did to them, the fact that he almost lost sight of the best thing that ever crossed his way has him clutching Jared tighter. He should have listen to himself. Not letting Jared go sounds like a damn good idea.
“Serves you right for keeping me a secret.”
“Yeah, probably. I’m sorry.. I just...”
“Were too focused and buried in work. I know. We’ll get that sorted out as well. You know, some of my friends think my boyfriend is just a figment of my imagination.” Jared smiles but there is something in his tone, regret, guilt, sadness. Jensen doesn’t want to hear it anymore, wants the laughter back, the smile.
“Sorry. Guess I have to prove that I’m real, huh?”
“When you are okay again, yeah.”
Jared’s fingers are combing through the hairs at the back of his neck, scratch gently along the skin and slowly lull him to sleep. He feels safe, like he always does when Jared is there. Feels settled for the first time in weeks.
He still feels groggy though, achy and weak, feels like there is still a rest of the veil firmly in place and he knows he’ll need the days to rest and not think about anything but getting better.
He misses his patients, hopes they are okay and not doing too badly. He hopes he’ll have a group of kids that have progressed and are successful when he comes back.
“Stop thinking, Jen. Just sleep.”
And he does.
***
Jensen is sick of being sick.
It’s been five days now and all he has done is lie in bed and let Jared or his mom take care of him. He feels spoiled and bored to hell. Feels itchy and wants to move. He feels better, way better. The colors are back in his life, veil lifted and everything. And he really wonders when he came up with that metaphor.
Sure, his balance is still a little off and his ear still aches from time to time but he really does feel much better. Only, Jared and his mom don’t believe him. Just because he fainted in the shower because his body couldn’t take the heat of the water anymore doesn’t mean he has to stay in bed another week.
Even his doc had said it was okay for him to walk around to actually get his circulation going again. But do his mom and his boyfriend listen to him? Of course not.
They are a menacing team when they decide to work together. And Jensen still can’t get over the fact that they are getting along so well and that it happened so fast. All three of them had a long talk, embarrassing most of the time and that mostly for Jensen but still kind of liberating.
It’s not like Jensen came out, he’d done that years ago and successfully even. No one cared. It was just that he had been so focused on proving he could build a life, make a future for himself that he lost parts of that life along the way.
So he sits there, in his bed, curtains open and the November sun streaming in through the window and is bored out of his mind. All the apology-talks are done, the embarrassing revelations and confessions with parental units present are out of the way and Jared is back to class and being social.
His friends, the ones he still has and are actually close, came by or called. Made fun of him for being the talk on campus, the weird guy blacking out and crashing down the front steps of the lab building.
Jensen still can feel the bruises on his shins and shoulders. He sometimes wants the awesome hospital drugs back. But then he wouldn’t be able to feel Jared pressed close to him every night, wouldn’t be able to really feel wandering hands and lips or Jared’s arousal pressed into his hip. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy it all as much as he does.
It’s just Jared and him most of the time now.
His mom stops by but doesn’t stay as long anymore. She also calls a lot but mostly to talk to Jared because Jared apparently can’t lie and his mom always, always wants to know how Jensen is really doing.
Even his dad calls more these days, invited them to dinner when he’s better and back on his feet and never once lets Jensen apologize for not telling them sooner.
Misha calls, too. Mostly to talk about the random crazy stuff he does. Mike about the sexual adventures Jensen doesn’t really want to know about and Danneel only calls to yell at him about the e-mails he sends Matt at work.
He can’t help it, he really is bored. It’s not his fault that Matt’s company doesn’t have a good spam filter and doesn’t sort “Hey Boner” out. Only when Jared comes home one day to take the laptop away and tells him he’s not allowed online for the next days Jensen relents and proves that he has the power of the pout.
So nothing much has changed. Only everything has.
Jared comes home to him now, hasn’t moved out of the dorms but might as well have. Jared goes shopping, brings him chocolate and slushies. Takes care of him. And Jensen is getting used to it, to having Jared there, to being able to talk to him about everything and nothing, to just sit there, cuddled close and watch a movie.
Jensen loves to have Jared’s hands all over him, loves to be teased to a stage where Jared just has to kiss him and flutter fingertips over his cock and he comes. Jensen absolutely loves the fact that they don’t have to be intimate to be close but that they both just want the other, even if it took a few days to convince Jared that he won’t black out due to a coughing fit.
Jensen still can’t breathe too deep but he can breathe through awesome orgasms. And Jared is really, really good at giving them, with hands or mouth or cock. Jensen also loves the fact that Jared is so bold and straight forward now, loves that he seems to have decided to take matters into his hand.
Well, Jensen thinks it might work better this way anyway.
They haven’t gone all the way and even Jensen can admit that he might not be up to that just yet but they finally are where he’s been wanting them for quite some time and it feels right. It doesn’t feel rushed anymore, not too fast or too frustratingly slow, just right and maybe even perfect.
Jensen doesn’t want to see Jared go, doesn’t want to go back to how things were, to Jared being somewhere and him being somewhere else. Jensen wants him here or everywhere else where Jensen might end up living.
“Hey.”
Jensen blinks, can barely see Jared in front of the dark background of the hallway and smiles when he moves into the room. Jared raises his eyebrows at the cartoons that are on and Jensen shrugs.
“'m bored. Was the only thing on that seems halfway bearable. You’re home early.” And Jensen likes the way Jared’s smile gets even wider at the word ‘home’. Yeah, he thinks they might be on the same page here.
“Kripke let us go earlier, said he has things to deal with now that his top employee is lazing his time away at home. And yes, Jensen, that was meant a joke. You still have the rest of the week.” Jared already knows him too well as it seems.
“I’m just so bored and I do feel better.”
“I know. Hey, I brought slushies, wanna have them in bed?”
“Yep.”
Later, when the slushies are gone and Jared is almost asleep and nestled against Jensen’s side, Jensen takes his eyes off the screen and watches Jared instead. He has no idea how he ended up with Jared, what he did to deserve him and to actually still have him. Jensen’s just happy.
He lets his eyes trace Jared’s face, prominent cheekbones, moles, full lips. He looks at Jared and sees beauty, peace and a kindness of heart he’s never encountered before. He also sees the rambling dork, who manages to stumble over everything and nothing and who captured Jensen's heart almost the first time they met.
His fingers follow his eyes, tracing lines and design into sleep warm skin, slow and gentle, like Jared is something precious. Jensen will never ever admit to having those kind of thoughts but just being able to think them makes him happy, makes his heart beat faster.
“Tickles,” Jared mumbles, moves sleepily and snuggles closer. Jensen feels his chest tighten and just smiles.
“Move in with me.”
All doubts and question about how to finance it all are gone. All Jensen knows right now that he needs this, that he needs Jared close. Wants him close.
“Hmm?.. Yeah, okay.”
“Did you hear what I just said?” Jensen has to ask. Just has to.
“Yeah.. move in with you. Place’s little on the small side but it’ll do for now. Huh… never thought I’d be the one out of of my friends to have a college romance turn into something real. But… it always was kinda real for me anyway,” Jared is still mumbling against Jensen’s neck but it’s just such a typical Jared rant that Jensen has to smile.
“You are amazing.”
“Damn, right, I am. But you know, I didn’t dare to ask so you asking is sort of really cool.”
“Sort of?” Jensen snorts and has Jared do the same.
“Well, okay.. it’s really cool and awesome.”
“So yes?”
“Yes.”
Jensen is sick of being sick but not because he’s bored. He is sick of being sick because it prevents him from jumping up and moving Jared’s things into his tiny studio apartment right the fuck now.
“When you’re okay again, Jen,” Jared mumbles, presses a kiss to the corner of Jensen’s mouth and falls asleep right where he is.
Jensen does the same just a few minutes later, after he’s watched Jared some more and reveled in the fact that he’ll have Jared close for a long time as it seems.
Part 4
Author: the_milky_way
Genre: RPS AU
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R
Word Count: 6.193
Beta: Thanks so much for the beta services and the suggestions akintay
Disclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything.
Notes: written for schmoop_bingo, Prompt: illness - minor at my schmoop_bingo card.
This can be read as a stand-alone.
But it belongs to a series of stories.
Part 1 * Part 2
Summary: Things aren't working out as well as Jensen thought they would. He barely sees Jared, work has taken over his life and then he has to go and faint in the middle of campus. Is anyone still blaming him for being grumpy?
The sky looks gray.
Well, everything looks kinda gray right now. Everything he looks at that isn’t his bed and a hot cup of tea - no coffee thanks to his taste buds suddenly deciding to reject even just the slightest hint of coffee. Jensen mourns the loss of his favorite drink. Tea is good as well but half as efficient as he needs it to be. He’s been called out twice this week for falling asleep during class. And he’s not even a real student. He’s just there to refresh the basics and be applicable for funding, so that he qualifies as part of the research team and not just as another intern.
And he actually thought the real world would be different than school. In college, no one cared if he was there or not but here he actually has to sign in and say his name when it’s called, all to make sure it’s really him in the place.
So okay, being part of a very prestigious therapy program that is being built up on the campus of one of the best known universities in the country might require a little more than just being there but Jensen still hasn’t gotten over his wonder how he ended up here. How he went from not knowing what to do after summer camp to attending classes and working towards being a musical therapist researching new ways of therapies for children.
It’s only been a few months and Jensen still hasn’t really settled into things. It just sort of crashed over him. From agreeing to seeing this prof Jared had told him about to having a real job interview to actually starting to work and going to classes - everything has been rushed and he didn’t have time to just sit down and think about it.
Sometimes, just sometimes, when he feels self-pity creeping up in his mind, or when he’s so exhausted that he can’t even eat anything when he gets home, or when he hasn’t seen Jared in days, hasn’t even talked to him either, then Jensen doubts this. Then he doubts his decision to actually try and sort out his future, to accept the awesome offer Kripke made him and wonders if he’s really doing this for himself or because people talked him into it.
Stress and loneliness make him a grumpy bitch and all the effort Jared put into cheering him up, making him a better person seem to be lost again. Jensen’s actually well liked among his colleagues but in the past few months they learned to leave him alone when he hasn’t had his coffee yet.
And lately, they leave him alone all day long. Just because his body suddenly doesn’t like coffee anymore. The only people actually getting through to him are his patients. Because no matter what kind of jerk Jensen is most days he never ever lets the kids feel it. It’s not their fault anyway.
He thinks Kripke is a little impressed with him when it comes to dealing with kids. But then Jensen loves music, knows what he can do with it and just works with what he sees in his patients. There is not just ‘the’ one therapy, he tries to find new ways, new approaches and even through his doubts Jensen knows that this is the job for him, that this is what he wants to do.
Only right now he wishes he didn’t have to go to work, didn’t have to deal with music and loud noises and maybe even crying children. His head starts to hurt just thinking about it and remembering yesterday’s session makes his stomach turn and his head pound.
Jensen feels gray all over. Everything is achy and subdued but he can’t tell why or where it’s coming from. He knows he’s been running on empty fumes the last couple of days but there were new patients and people calling to know about the new therapies being implemented. Jensen didn’t have time to care about himself.
He didn’t have time for anything but work, so today is actually the first day he realized that he hasn’t spoken to Jared in a few days, maybe even a week. Sure, they are both busy and he might have been a little too grumpy during their last phone call but that’s not a reason to completely break off any contact. Right? Jared wouldn’t be that kind of a douche. Nah... he wouldn’t. Just, Jensen doesn’t even remember much of their last conversation. He was stressed and tired and feeling like he might want to puke his guts out. And that had been maybe five days ago. He really doesn’t know anymore.
He drags himself out of the tiny studio apartment he snatched away from under some artist’s hands. Because Jared’s still living on campus and Jensen doesn’t think they could afford something bigger for them both anyway. Jensen’s getting paid, sure, but not yet enough to support two people, one of them with a bottomless pit for a stomach. Jared living on campus has one big disadvantage though: he’s too far away from Jensen and that thing between them is still just a thing.
They barely see each other and Jensen knows it’s mainly his fault. Being social has never really been his thing when he wasn’t with his friends or people he already knew. Jared, though, needs people, needs more than just one person to bounce off his energy and Jensen can’t feel bad about Jared going out and being a normal college student. He did that to some degree as well.
It’s not only Jared he never sees anymore, it’s Danneel and Matt, or Misha as well. They all live relatively close to Austin, come by from time to time but Jensen is always, always buried in work. He didn’t even realized it at first, didn’t think it was so bad to say ‘sorry, no time, maybe tomorrow’ five times in a row.
Only when Matt called him about where he was and why wasn’t at the Halloween Party at Jared’s dorm and Jensen was already in bed did he start to realize that things weren’t really working out anymore. Jared hadn’t even called to ask where he was. Or Jensen can’t remember if he had and what he might have answered, which is even worse. Anyway, he apparently had missed Halloween and hasn’t heard or seen his boyfriend, if he still is that, since then.
He feels like he’s crawling all the way towards the buildings where his classes are in. Drags his feet and feels every move reverberating through his aching limbs. Even his nose aches and the cool wind isn’t helping either. It’s like something is putting a veil over everything, holding the colors and the sounds back. He has a hard time hearing people lately, understanding low sounds, and he thinks people are starting to notice.
And today his ear started to ache all of a sudden. He feels dizzy and he thinks there might be something oozing out of it as well. He hasn’t checked yet though, because he actually has to work to keep himself on his feet. His bike broke down last week and now he has to walk to work. All across campus, from classes to work, and then back to get home. It’s a long way.
His book bag seems to weigh a ton, pulls his shoulder down and cuts into his already aching muscles. Jensen doesn’t really see where he’s going anymore and for a second he wonders if he should have stayed in bed. But then he remembers it’s Julian’s day today and the kid just responds to him. He can’t just up and call in sick. Even if he wants to.
The steps to the lab building suddenly appear in his field of vision and Jensen wonders how he made it the whole way without realizing and without actually crashing into someone. But then again, he’s early and not many people are actually outside.
He reaches out, sees his hand swim in front of his eyes and tries to grab the railing but misses. The aching in his ears intensifies, makes him feel like there is something stabbing right inside his ear, his head even. The ground is rushing towards him for a reason Jensen can’t grasp. Everything whirls, flashes and hurts. There is a sound inside his head, loud and piercing.
And then everything just goes black.
***
He doesn’t even try to suppress the groan, just lets it go and feels that he needed it. He’s not really awake, just on the edge, lingering and wondering if he’s up to facing the world again. He’s not sure but he knows he’s not exactly where he wanted to be at this time of the day. He isn’t even sure what time it is anyway.
There is a peeping noise, just low enough to not be piercing but still there. Jensen groans again because even though he’s not really awake he knows where he is now. Great. Just what he wanted to achieve. Work his ass off to land himself in the hospital. Wasn’t that every employer’s dream? Jensen just hopes Kripke won't be too mad.
“Jen?” Soft, low voice, close to his ear. It makes him shiver but he doesn’t open his eyes. Something familiar tickles his senses. It smells like home and safety. He takes a deep breath, or tries to because the cough hacking through him takes him by surprise and it's only something that's snapped over his nose that makes him breathe again.
“Oh Jen...”
Still close, still soft and still enticing. Jensen wants to see, wants to open his eyes and see. So he does and groans again. The light is bright and right in his eyes but then it’s shut off even and only the light coming through the window is left.
Jensen blinks, searches the room slowly, with aching eyes and not moving his head. His body feels weighed down, heavy like lead and achy like never before. He tries to breathe again, slow this time and not too deep. And it seems to work. His lungs feel like they are on fire but everything else feel rather numb now and he hopes that it’s painkillers and not just his body doing strange things. He also feels sleepy again.
He doesn’t want to sleep though. He wants to see who’s there, wants to feel safe and protected by that voice close to him. He thinks he hears someone moving around, something being done to his arm but he isn’t sure if it’s really happening or not. When his pillow is moved though he groans again, would flinch at the noise if he could, maybe he even does but can’t feel it. It’s a weird feeling, being torn between a major freak out and not caring at all about what’s going on. It must be really nice drugs then.
“Sssh Jen... Quit being so stubborn. Go back to sleep. Just sleep. Get better. For me, okay?”
Jensen wants to ask ‘and who are you’ but there is something cool on his forehead and he actually moans then instead of groans. It feels good and the smell is there again, close and familiar. The mask on his face is being adjusted and the familiarity of the smell vanishes. Jensen whimpers, wants it back but now he can actually breathe better again. Jensen thinks he feels the oxygen flowing through his nose into his lungs but that might just be the drugs, too.
“Please, Jensen. Just go back to sleep. Don’t fight it. You need it.” The voice sounds more concerned now, a little desperate even and Jensen closes his eyes again. He can’t focus on anything anyway, can’t see what he wants to see. It should worry him but his brain’s too muddled, too drugged to comprehend.
There is something soft pressing against his cheek. Lips, Jensen realizes. Something sort of clicks, rightens itself in Jensen’s mind.
“Jared?”
“I’m here, Jensen. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just please, sleep okay?”
And Jensen does because he can’t resist Jared anyway.
***
The next time he tries to open his eyes the room is flooded by sunlight but it doesn’t hurt as much as the light before. He blinks the sleep from his eyes and is relieved to find that he can actually move around without feeling like a ton of stones is weighing him down.
Everything feels a little less numb, a little less achy but still dizzy and under a gray veil. His balance is still off as well and he has to stop moving around in bed. Being seasick in a hospital would be totally embarrassing and Jensen thinks he’s had enough of that already.
So he only moves his head a little, lets his eyes search the room and immediately stop at the sight of a figure slumped down in a very small and very uncomfortable looking chair.
Jared. Hair mused, dark rings under his eyes and dead to the world. Sprawled out in the chair he looks way too big for, arms akimbo and legs stretched out far into the room. Jensen smiles a little and feels guilty at the same time.
“He’s been here the whole time.”
Jensen doesn’t exactly jump but he might have squeaked a little just there. The oxygen mask is thankfully gone from his face and he doesn’t get too dizzy turning his head in the direction of the voice.
His mother smiles at him from the end of his bed, coffee cup and sandwich in her hands and he knows they are for Jared.
“Mom?”
“You think I’d let you lie in a hospital bed without coming to see you? Tss, Jensen Ross Ackles, you should know me better than that.” It’s all said with a smile that shows how worried his momma has been
“No.. I... just... didn’t think it was that bad.”
“Not bad, just you being an idiot, Jen.” Jared is there, right at his side and Jensen can’t help but sigh and stare a little. The small smile on Jared’s face looks sad and nothing at all like the carefree ones Jensen so loves to see. He gets mocked by Misha for liking them so much that he named them.
He watches as he his momma hands over the cup and sandwich to Jared, hears the soft ‘thanks, Donna’ and feels his heart trip a little at that scene. He wonders what happened, who called his mom and how she reacted towards finding Jared here. Or if she was the one calling Jared. Jensen blinks, confused and groggily. This is all a bit too much for him right now. And really, he isn’t even sure what he is supposed to say right now. Sorry seems to be appropriate but stupid as well. But then he feels kind of stupid anyway, so it might actually be the right thing. His brain, though, seems to think otherwise.
“Shouldn’t you be in class.” It’s even more of a stupid thing to say in this situation and of course he has to blurt it out.
“It’s Saturday.”
“What?” No way. Nope. No way.
“It’s Saturday, Jensen. You’ve been in here for four days. Worried us all with the fever you had going. Your dad’s been here, Danneel, Matt, and Misha as well. Even your boss showed up, apologized for monopolizing your time. Strange guy but nice. Mike called, sent the balloons over there. Uhm, there were other calls but I can’t remember now, will tell you later. God, I'm just glad you finally woke up, that the fever is down.. Man, I was... God…”
Jared shakes his head, shakes himself out of his ramble and blushes very prettily or at least Jensen thinks so. He glanced over to his mom and could see her trying to hide a smile. So it seemed Jared already has her charmed already by simply just being Jared.
Jensen smiles, can’t help it and does so even more when Jared blinks at him, blushes an even deeper shade of red and shrugs.
“You know me. I ramble when I’m nervous. And right now? I’m really fu... uhm.. totally nervous. Yeah.” Jared flops back down into the chair that is now marginally closer to Jensen’s bed and hides his face behind his bangs.
“Dork,” Jensen mumbles.
“No worries, Jared. I have two boys and a teenage daughter at home. Cursing is just natural communication these days,” Jensen’s mom almost grins and Jensen loves her even more.
“So.. uh... why am I here again?” Because yeah, he still doesn’t know.
Jensen sees his mom looking at Jared and then nod, sees it and can’t believe that they already have some sort of silent communication going. This was fast and sort of unexpected.
“Jen… You have an ordinary inflammation of the middle ear. Main reason for your fever and passing out in the middle of campus by the way. Since you insisted on working so much you caught a cold as well. So you were dehydrated and had to fight an inflammation.”
Jared is right there, hand entwined with Jensen’s over the bed cover and Jensen doesn’t even think about it when he bring is up to his lips and places a gentle kiss on the warm skin. Jared looks so worried, sad despite the humor he was going for. Jared looks scared.
“I.. I’m sorry. I didn’t. Uhm, makes sense though, I was wondering why I had trouble hearing people. Everything was a little dizzy. Kripke, well he.. I just wanted to do a good job.” Jensen knows it sounds ridiculous, even when he says the words he knows that. But that’s how he felt. He was the new guy, the one not doing grad school but still having scored the job everyone was so keen on.
“I know, Jen. I know.” Jared looks even sadder now, guilty even and Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He hears the door click shut. His mom’s gone, left them alone but Jensen knows she’ll be back and that they’ll talk about the fact that she didn’t really know about Jared in the first place.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen blurts out when Jared doesn’t say anything further.
“For what?”
“That I.. I never got around telling my mom about you.. or you know.. she knew there was someone but I didn’t have time to tell her more. I’m sorry I haven’t been around and I’m sorry I missed the party and that you thought I wouldn’t wanna see you anymore…”
Jensen rushes out, trips over the words but can’t stop. The words keep coming.
“You know, not calling and all. I’m sorry I’ve such a grumpy bitch and a dick and I really, really hope you don’t hate me because I love you and I didn’t know how to tell you because I was working all the time and we didn’t see each other. But I miss you so much... So yeah... I’m in love with you in case you didn’t notice and I’m sorry I scared you and didn’t tell you and didn’t call you and... “
This time it’s Jared interrupting Jensen’s rambling, which might be the drugs that are still in his system because Jensen never ever rambles. Never. Only, apparently he does when he’s sick and in a hospital bed with Jared perched over him and kissing him all gentle and loving.
“Apology accepted. You are cute when you ramble. Not that you aren’t cute anyway,” Jared smirks at the frown Jensen sends him and looks immediately concerned when Jensen cringes at the pain the movement sends through his ear. Jared smoothes the frown lines away with his thumb, makes Jensen shiver a little and turn into the touch. He has missed this, Jared touching him. Jared being there. He should be concerned about getting Jared sick but he just wants Jared close.
“And I.. I have to apologize as well. I was maybe a little mad that you vanished so completely. I was so happy you decided to come with me and then we never saw each other. I.. it was childish and I’m sorry.”
Jared moves his head so that it lies right next to Jensen’s on the pillow. It can’t be comfortable but Jensen doesn’t want Jared to move. They lock eyes. Jensen feels so stupid now, feels like the biggest jerk on earth. Because work never has been important enough to halt his whole life for but it apparently became that way when he wasn’t looking.
“Danneel... she warned me, you know. Said you’d get overly focused on things when you think you have to prove something. I... I wouldn’t believe her because I thought you’d know how great of a job you were doing. Kripke has been running around praising the hell out of you. I.. maybe I thought this job was more important than me. You have been kind of lost after camp and I... “ Jared says, fumbles with the words a little.
Then he moves even close to Jensen, smiles gentle and slow.
“I think I didn’t know how to deal with it, with the fact that there was suddenly something in your life that was so important again. I mean, we didn’t know each other that well after all. And then you didn’t call back when I told you I was going away for half a week and the next thing I know is Kripke calling me because mine was the only number he could find on you and you parent’s weren’t picking up.”
Jensen just looks at Jared, takes in all the emotions and falls all over again. This guy, the one that dumped a whole tray of slushies over him when they first met, the one that got on a Ferris Wheel despite being afraid of heights, the one that just had to talk to him to settle his panicky thoughts about his unclear future, the one that just spent days at his bedside watching over him, this guy is the one.
Jensen is sure, so sure he just smiles, pulls Jared close and kisses him. He hasn’t been this sure about anything in his life.
“I love you.”
Jared smiles, wide and happy. Jensen has missed this so much.
“I love you, too. And I heard you the first time as well.. all hidden in that epic rant. It’s cute. Nice way to confess.” Jared nods and grins again.
“Did you miss a lot of classes? Being here, watching over me?”
“Not really. As I said I was gone half the week and...”
“You were?” Jensen interrupts him, half aware how idiotic he sounds but barely remembering why he missed that fact. Jared moves his head, looks at him and for a second Jensen thinks Jared might try to climb up on the bed with him. He wouldn’t mind.
“Jen... The doc said you’d been sick for at least a few days. I.. you sounded off on the phone when I told you about the study trip. I thought it was about work, that you didn’t really care because you were so busy anyway. But then Matt called me when I was away, said you couldn’t even remember there was a Halloween party and that you sounded off to him as well. Couldn’t reach you on the phone and three days later Kripke calls and says you are in the hospital.”
Jensen moves then to the side of the bed and pulls Jared up there with him, mindful of the cables and the infusion line but sighs deeply when he can curl up against Jared’s body. He feels a little embarrassed by the fact that he needs this so much.
Jared’s breath is puffing out against his hair, makes it move and him shiver. It feels good to have that again. It’s been way too long and it’s his fault. It’s a sad fact that Jensen needed to get sick to realize that.
“I’m an idiot, huh? 23 and not able to look after myself. I‘m sorry, Jay. I’ve been a jerk and I don’t even know why. How.. I just. You were so happy being social, going out, being back in college,” Jensen mumbles, not really sure if he’s just tired or embarrassed.
“I know it’s you and I love seeing you like that. But I just.. the thing between us.. it happened so fast and was still not really going anywhere... I’m here because of the job but because of you as well and I.. I missed just being with you but I couldn’t really tell you. I don’t know why.”
“’Cause you are a complete spaz when it comes to communication?”
“Might be.” Jensen smiles against the skin of Jared’s neck, licks a little and grins at the shiver he gets in response. He doesn’t know what has been holding them back but he thinks they just received a major lecture on how not to go about this thing between them. Jensen might even be willing to call it a relationship now.
“Thought you were mad at me for not spending time with you and that’s why you didn’t call about the party. God, man.. I forgot you told me about the trip. I really couldn’t remember.”
“Too much work, Jen. Made you sick. Next time I’ll listen to Danneel and get you the fuck away from whatever you are too focused on. Well, unless it’s me.”
Jensen snorts, coughs and lets Jared rub his back until the attack is over. Jared lets him settle back against him and they are silent for quite a while. Things feel less aimless now, at least to Jensen. Something just happened between them and he knows it was long overdue.
“So, how long do I have to stay in here? “
“Doc said something about two more days at least, wants to monitor your cough and see your temperature stays down. He’ll be here later, you can ask him. More rest days at home, though. No work and antibiotics for your ear. But hey, I’ll be there to play nurse, so look forward to that.”
Well, he can deal with that. It’s not the way he wanted to spend time with Jared but at least now he really has a reason to stay in bed. Okay, so he might have had a reason that morning as well. Just different reasons now.
“So you and my momma bonded and are now one front against me? Man...”
Jared laughs, shakes Jensen’s body and sounds so happy that Jensen swallows hard. What he almost did to them, the fact that he almost lost sight of the best thing that ever crossed his way has him clutching Jared tighter. He should have listen to himself. Not letting Jared go sounds like a damn good idea.
“Serves you right for keeping me a secret.”
“Yeah, probably. I’m sorry.. I just...”
“Were too focused and buried in work. I know. We’ll get that sorted out as well. You know, some of my friends think my boyfriend is just a figment of my imagination.” Jared smiles but there is something in his tone, regret, guilt, sadness. Jensen doesn’t want to hear it anymore, wants the laughter back, the smile.
“Sorry. Guess I have to prove that I’m real, huh?”
“When you are okay again, yeah.”
Jared’s fingers are combing through the hairs at the back of his neck, scratch gently along the skin and slowly lull him to sleep. He feels safe, like he always does when Jared is there. Feels settled for the first time in weeks.
He still feels groggy though, achy and weak, feels like there is still a rest of the veil firmly in place and he knows he’ll need the days to rest and not think about anything but getting better.
He misses his patients, hopes they are okay and not doing too badly. He hopes he’ll have a group of kids that have progressed and are successful when he comes back.
“Stop thinking, Jen. Just sleep.”
And he does.
***
Jensen is sick of being sick.
It’s been five days now and all he has done is lie in bed and let Jared or his mom take care of him. He feels spoiled and bored to hell. Feels itchy and wants to move. He feels better, way better. The colors are back in his life, veil lifted and everything. And he really wonders when he came up with that metaphor.
Sure, his balance is still a little off and his ear still aches from time to time but he really does feel much better. Only, Jared and his mom don’t believe him. Just because he fainted in the shower because his body couldn’t take the heat of the water anymore doesn’t mean he has to stay in bed another week.
Even his doc had said it was okay for him to walk around to actually get his circulation going again. But do his mom and his boyfriend listen to him? Of course not.
They are a menacing team when they decide to work together. And Jensen still can’t get over the fact that they are getting along so well and that it happened so fast. All three of them had a long talk, embarrassing most of the time and that mostly for Jensen but still kind of liberating.
It’s not like Jensen came out, he’d done that years ago and successfully even. No one cared. It was just that he had been so focused on proving he could build a life, make a future for himself that he lost parts of that life along the way.
So he sits there, in his bed, curtains open and the November sun streaming in through the window and is bored out of his mind. All the apology-talks are done, the embarrassing revelations and confessions with parental units present are out of the way and Jared is back to class and being social.
His friends, the ones he still has and are actually close, came by or called. Made fun of him for being the talk on campus, the weird guy blacking out and crashing down the front steps of the lab building.
Jensen still can feel the bruises on his shins and shoulders. He sometimes wants the awesome hospital drugs back. But then he wouldn’t be able to feel Jared pressed close to him every night, wouldn’t be able to really feel wandering hands and lips or Jared’s arousal pressed into his hip. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy it all as much as he does.
It’s just Jared and him most of the time now.
His mom stops by but doesn’t stay as long anymore. She also calls a lot but mostly to talk to Jared because Jared apparently can’t lie and his mom always, always wants to know how Jensen is really doing.
Even his dad calls more these days, invited them to dinner when he’s better and back on his feet and never once lets Jensen apologize for not telling them sooner.
Misha calls, too. Mostly to talk about the random crazy stuff he does. Mike about the sexual adventures Jensen doesn’t really want to know about and Danneel only calls to yell at him about the e-mails he sends Matt at work.
He can’t help it, he really is bored. It’s not his fault that Matt’s company doesn’t have a good spam filter and doesn’t sort “Hey Boner” out. Only when Jared comes home one day to take the laptop away and tells him he’s not allowed online for the next days Jensen relents and proves that he has the power of the pout.
So nothing much has changed. Only everything has.
Jared comes home to him now, hasn’t moved out of the dorms but might as well have. Jared goes shopping, brings him chocolate and slushies. Takes care of him. And Jensen is getting used to it, to having Jared there, to being able to talk to him about everything and nothing, to just sit there, cuddled close and watch a movie.
Jensen loves to have Jared’s hands all over him, loves to be teased to a stage where Jared just has to kiss him and flutter fingertips over his cock and he comes. Jensen absolutely loves the fact that they don’t have to be intimate to be close but that they both just want the other, even if it took a few days to convince Jared that he won’t black out due to a coughing fit.
Jensen still can’t breathe too deep but he can breathe through awesome orgasms. And Jared is really, really good at giving them, with hands or mouth or cock. Jensen also loves the fact that Jared is so bold and straight forward now, loves that he seems to have decided to take matters into his hand.
Well, Jensen thinks it might work better this way anyway.
They haven’t gone all the way and even Jensen can admit that he might not be up to that just yet but they finally are where he’s been wanting them for quite some time and it feels right. It doesn’t feel rushed anymore, not too fast or too frustratingly slow, just right and maybe even perfect.
Jensen doesn’t want to see Jared go, doesn’t want to go back to how things were, to Jared being somewhere and him being somewhere else. Jensen wants him here or everywhere else where Jensen might end up living.
“Hey.”
Jensen blinks, can barely see Jared in front of the dark background of the hallway and smiles when he moves into the room. Jared raises his eyebrows at the cartoons that are on and Jensen shrugs.
“'m bored. Was the only thing on that seems halfway bearable. You’re home early.” And Jensen likes the way Jared’s smile gets even wider at the word ‘home’. Yeah, he thinks they might be on the same page here.
“Kripke let us go earlier, said he has things to deal with now that his top employee is lazing his time away at home. And yes, Jensen, that was meant a joke. You still have the rest of the week.” Jared already knows him too well as it seems.
“I’m just so bored and I do feel better.”
“I know. Hey, I brought slushies, wanna have them in bed?”
“Yep.”
Later, when the slushies are gone and Jared is almost asleep and nestled against Jensen’s side, Jensen takes his eyes off the screen and watches Jared instead. He has no idea how he ended up with Jared, what he did to deserve him and to actually still have him. Jensen’s just happy.
He lets his eyes trace Jared’s face, prominent cheekbones, moles, full lips. He looks at Jared and sees beauty, peace and a kindness of heart he’s never encountered before. He also sees the rambling dork, who manages to stumble over everything and nothing and who captured Jensen's heart almost the first time they met.
His fingers follow his eyes, tracing lines and design into sleep warm skin, slow and gentle, like Jared is something precious. Jensen will never ever admit to having those kind of thoughts but just being able to think them makes him happy, makes his heart beat faster.
“Tickles,” Jared mumbles, moves sleepily and snuggles closer. Jensen feels his chest tighten and just smiles.
“Move in with me.”
All doubts and question about how to finance it all are gone. All Jensen knows right now that he needs this, that he needs Jared close. Wants him close.
“Hmm?.. Yeah, okay.”
“Did you hear what I just said?” Jensen has to ask. Just has to.
“Yeah.. move in with you. Place’s little on the small side but it’ll do for now. Huh… never thought I’d be the one out of of my friends to have a college romance turn into something real. But… it always was kinda real for me anyway,” Jared is still mumbling against Jensen’s neck but it’s just such a typical Jared rant that Jensen has to smile.
“You are amazing.”
“Damn, right, I am. But you know, I didn’t dare to ask so you asking is sort of really cool.”
“Sort of?” Jensen snorts and has Jared do the same.
“Well, okay.. it’s really cool and awesome.”
“So yes?”
“Yes.”
Jensen is sick of being sick but not because he’s bored. He is sick of being sick because it prevents him from jumping up and moving Jared’s things into his tiny studio apartment right the fuck now.
“When you’re okay again, Jen,” Jared mumbles, presses a kiss to the corner of Jensen’s mouth and falls asleep right where he is.
Jensen does the same just a few minutes later, after he’s watched Jared some more and reveled in the fact that he’ll have Jared close for a long time as it seems.
Part 4