I havn't updated in forever. I haven't known what to say. My life has been such a roller coaster. In fact as i'm typing this i think i might need to just start a new journal. Maybe I'll update my old one. My empty feelings are coming back.

I'm tired of taking care of other people. I'm tired of putting other people's feelings before mine. I'm tired of changing myself to be who i think you'd like me to be. I want someone to take care of me, emotionally take care of me. I need that so much.

I'm finally done with school. There was a lot of bullshit the last week. The short version is that i had to email my psych teacher, her t.a., the dean of sciences, the dean of psychology, the blackboard admn, and the register office to get enrolled in a class that i'm already enrolled in. Apparantly, i'm not in the uno computer systme at all. I ( Read more... )

My mind spirals in circles. There is no easy answer here. There is so much hurt, and confusion, and even some anger. What brought me to this. What brought me to where i am today? How could i have betrayed myself? Why has it come to me having to do the things i have to do? I dont want it to be like this. Why can't it all be easier?

Todays a bad day. Can't seem to stay happy for too long. School's a mess. I hate uno's websites. My energy is failing fast. I just want to sleep. I'm looking forward to school being over. I need some time away ( Read more... )

I'm sleepy. I have moments where i am happy and then moments where i feel my world has stopped. I almost wish it was one or the other but not both. Somehow, even though the last week or so has been the worst of my life, i feel like i might be taking small baby steps to getting better. It's all too soon to say, but i still have hope ( Read more... )

I dont write because i dont know what to say. I dont know what to say because i havn't registered how i feel about everything, and i haven't registered it all because there is so much. I'm dealing with a deep depression about something that's happened to me in the past year. My sadness is so intense that it seems like nothing else matters. It ( Read more... )

My body is exhausted. Yeah, i didn't get much sleep the last two nights but i shouldnt be this exhausted. My side pains were gone for about a week and a half, which believe me is amazing. However tonight i got the worst twinges that brought me to tears. Very short in duration, but very intense. I'm tired of this body of mine. I seem to be ( Read more... )

The day draws nearer and i wonder how i will handle it. Things are better but I've recently began to want things to be different although i know it would be impossibile ( Read more... )

I have an emptiness inside of me. I could never explain it. My body yearns for something it can not have ( Read more... )