EXO || cut to the chase (Chanyeol/D.O)
cut to the chase
Chanyeol/D.O, slight Kai/D.O
PG-13, ~5k.
Chanyeol doesn't think twice about being in a fake online gay relationship-until his "boyfriend" decides to transfer to his school.
(written for the Valentine's Day round of loveismix: originally posted here, remixed for Black Day by the lovely deplore here!)
The subject line of the email reads: Guess what?
Chanyeol clicks it and knocks over his can of soda.
"Fuck."
It takes him five restarts and twelve interruptions to tell the whole story, because Jongin starts having a fit the second Chanyeol shouts in full distress, "MY GAY BOYFRIEND IS COMING," and Joonmyun tips tea into his shirt collar instead of his mouth. Sehun has his face buried in one of Chanyeol's spare hoodies, shoulders shaking, and Baekhyun's laughter only cuts out when Chanyeol throws a Choco Pie at his face. Jongin's doubled over like he's in pain, but Chanyeol knows better. He grabs the entire box of Choco Pies and feels no remorse when it smacks Jongin in the eye.
"I brought those to comfort you," Joonmyun protests.
"They worked great, thanks hyung," Chanyeol says. Sehun finally lifts his head, leaning over to pluck one of the pastries from the box. All of them are gathered in the apartment living room in response to the panicked mass text Chanyeol sent an hour ago, after he had reread the email five times, hoping to find some indication that it was a joke, or realize he was suffering from a stress-induced hallucination, but the message was only three sentences long and there isn't much room for interpretation.
"I don't understand how you got yourself into this," Sehun says, licking a chocolate crumb from his mouth.
"Didn't you hear, Sehunnie," Baekhyun says, eyes narrow with glee, "Chanyeol accidentally implied he likes men, then agreed when the guy asked him if they could be a thing."
"Yeah," Sehun says. "I still don't get it."
"That's because you have more than half a brain," Jongin snorts.
"So does Chanyeol," Joonmyun admonishes quickly, but he looks equally confused, if more sympathetic.
"I didn't think it would matter!" Chanyeol flops onto his back on the couch. "All we do is video chat anyway, and it's been two months. I don't even remember we're 'dating'"-here he makes exaggerated air quotes-"half the time. Who expects this, dude? No one. It's the Internet." He flings his arm out dramatically, and Sehun places a Choco Pie in his hand.
"And you're not gay," Joonmyun repeats. "Did I get that right?"
"I'm not," Chanyeol dry-sobs into a cushion, ripping open the wrapper and stuffing the pie into his mouth. "He just thinks I am."
"Call a helpline," Baekhyun advises.
"No use, Kris-hyung just told me to tell the truth and break up with him." Chanyeol chews gloomily, then grimaces and pulls the cushion over his face, rubbing the chocolate stains around his mouth into the fabric. "I can't, he's going to be so upset. He's gonna kill me."
"Then date him?" Joonmyun tries.
"No," is the muffled reply. Then: "It's a pretty big campus, maybe I could just avoid him. What if I dyed my hair and pretend I transferred?"
"What if you aren't an asshole," suggests Baekhyun.
Joonmyun nods in agreement and rises to pat Chanyeol's leg. "Chanyeol-ah, you have to own up to your mistakes." When he receives no response, he frowns and tugs at the cushion Chanyeol has clutched over his face. "Chanyeol, are you trying to smother yourself?"
Chanyeol rolls over with a pitiful whine and buries his face in the sofa.
This is how it happens: At any given point in time, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are trying to kick each other's asses at a video game. Before the term starts, Baekhyun picks Tiny Farm, which they both laugh over and are obsessed with by the end of the week.
Chanyeol's determined to have the better farm, so when he stumbles across user dok0112 and the most amazing fucking farm he's ever seen, he promptly adds him as a friend and sends a cheery IM. Soon, their conversations stray away from planting and breeding tips, and when dok0112 mentions he likes hip-hop, Chanyeol sends him an old mix. A day later, he gets back a beatboxing clip, and he's so impressed he immediately replies with a video link to one of his old rap battles. Around this point, Chanyeol forgets he only contacted dok0112 to beat Baekhyun at Tiny Farm.
His first mistake comes two weeks later, when they webcam for the first time. In the middle of loving on each other's animals, an unusually despondent dok0112 admits he's trying to figure out how to come out to his parents. Taken aback, Chanyeol tries to be comforting with a series of short, awkward IMs, and when dok0112 misreads one as Chanyeol coming out to him and responds with more vigour than he's had all day, Chanyeol can't find a tactful way to correct him. Instead, he changes the topic, offers to let dok0112 practice his confession on him. They introduce themselves, and Chanyeol saves his number under a new entry: Do Kyungsoo.
The next time he gets himself in trouble, it's past midnight, and Chanyeol's half playfully trying to coax Kyungsoo to bed, half seriously trying to coax Joonmyun into letting him copy his music theory homework. He doesn't notice how Kyungsoo's dressed in a crisp button-down, or how he fiddles with his bangs after Chanyeol compliments his new haircut, and all of a sudden Kyungsoo is confessing to him through the webcam just as Joonmyun threatens to log off. Attention torn, not having the heart to reject Kyungsoo without time for a thoughtful letdown, the first thing out of Chanyeol's mouth is a stuttered, "Uh, sure," and Kyungsoo's face blooms, sleeve coming up to cover his heart-shaped mouth and hide his embarrassed laugh.
It twists his gut in the beginning, but when Kyungsoo doesn't seem to expect anything from him, when their interactions don't change except for Kyungsoo adding a 'Heart.' at the end of his emails, Chanyeol gradually relaxes and lets the lies gather dust.
On Friday, Chanyeol waits at the train station and resists the urge to throw himself onto the tracks. Kyungsoo's train is scheduled to pull in any minute, and when he disembarks, Chanyeol is going to greet him and help him with his luggage, and Kyungsoo will think he is a lovely boyfriend because he still hasn't come clean. He meant to, but then Kyungsoo said he was coming at the end of the week, and the three days that gave Chanyeol weren't enough for him to grow some balls, especially not against the flurry of eager emails Kyungsoo sent detailing his preparations. Now he's left to deal with the messy fallout in person.
It's not that Kyungsoo is a boy-okay, it is a little, but he's more unused to the idea than he is repulsed by it. Chanyeol's had his sexuality crisis. Now, it's the suddenness. Replying to an email is careless, takes up no space, but now Kyungsoo is a person, heavy with flesh and blood and expectations. Chanyeol's being asked to do a pas de deux, a lift, but he isn't ready to take up Kyungsoo's weight.
The other people on the platform scurry forward when the train hurtles through the tunnel and hisses to a stop, presumably eager to pick up actual loved ones. Chanyeol backs up, hands in his pockets, and half-heartedly searches through the emerging passengers. He's just beginning to wonder if maybe Kyungsoo didn't make it, feeling a prickle of worry in his stomach as the crowd thins out, when someone taps his wrist.
Chanyeol jumps.
Kyungsoo takes a step back, heel hitting his suitcase. His eyebrows fly up, but he's smiling, looking awkward and nervous and so hopeful. Chanyeol stares at him, jaw slack, and it takes Kyungsoo's smile slipping before he snaps out of it.
"Hi!" he says too loudly, then clears his throat, flashes his teeth, and continues in a more natural tone. "Kyungsoo?"
"Park Chanyeol. It's really nice to meet you in person." Kyungsoo beams up at him. He's wearing a bright yellow sweatshirt and looks like he should still be in high school. "You're even taller than I expected," he says, and something yanks Chanyeol by the neck and he's-Kyungsoo's mouth is on his.
It's slightly wet, and he's looking at Kyungsoo's face from a normal distance again a split second later. Kyungsoo is a little pink but looks pleased, his hands fisted near the collar of Chanyeol's hoodie where he'd pulled Chanyeol down. Chanyeol raises the back of his hand to his mouth, remembering not to wipe just in time, and settles for awkwardly touching his knuckles to his lips. He must look a little dazed, but Kyungsoo just seems amused.
Kyungsoo only has one suitcase and a backpack, so Chanyeol takes both. "When is the rest of your stuff arriving?"
"I shipped it yesterday," Kyungsoo says. "It should be at my new apartment by now. Thank you, by the way," he adds, a little shy, "for letting me stay over tonight."
Chanyeol squints around, distracted by the station signs directing them to the taxi stand. "None of your furniture is assembled yet, right? It's nothing. How was the train ride?"
"I slept." Kyungsoo gestures to his slightly tousled hair. "Which is good, otherwise I would've psyched myself out the whole time."
"Haha," Chanyeol coughs. "No way, there's nothing to be psyched out about."
He hands the luggage off to a waiting taxi driver when they reach the stand and ducks after Kyungsoo into the car. In a smaller, more confined space, his chest feels a little tighter. Kyungsoo is tiny in real life, maybe shorter than Baekhyun. "Hey," Chanyeol jokes. "Was the beatboxing really you?"
"What are you trying to say," Kyungsoo asks seriously, and Chanyeol's smile stiffens in the drawn-out moment before Kyungsoo's straight, heavy brows lift with a grin.
Chanyeol turns up his palms. "Nothing at all."
"Good," Kyungsoo replies, a note of finality in his voice even as his eyes twinkle. "I've always wanted to go to Hongik University, but it didn't work out my first year. So you know I didn't just come for you." His smile grows soft, sweeter. "You're a bonus."
The taxi pulls away from the curb. Kyungsoo spends almost the entire ride looking out the window at Seoul's nightscape. It should save Chanyeol from having to make awkward small talk, but he finds he doesn't mind. Getting used to the cadence of each other's bodies and speech is clumsy at first, like trying to find a foothold on ice, but the ground between them is thick enough to hold both their weights. Kyungsoo says the same things, but he's funnier when Chanyeol can see the face he's making as he cracks a joke. Compared to the firmness of his written communication, he's unexpectedly excitable, cheeks rounding out every time he smiles, expressive to the last inch. Cuter in real life by miles, Chanyeol thinks as Kyungsoo peers at him and beams.
Kyungsoo catches his hand in the quiet, breezy walk from the taxi to his apartment building, and Chanyeol's earlier tension catches up with him like a gathering fog, the knot in his stomach coming together again. It's easy to forget Kyungsoo's supposed to be more than a friend.
"It'll be a busy couple days for me while I settle in, but I'll text you," Kyungsoo promises in the elevator.
"All right," Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo has to crane his neck to look at him when they stand this close together, and it's hard to mistake the luminous glimmer in his eyes. A little unwillingly, Chanyeol offers, "Can I help you unpack?" The tightness in his throat is growing, but Kyungsoo doesn't know anyone else in the city.
"Okay," Kyungsoo says, lighting up. "I'll make us lunch, is there anything you want to eat?"
Chanyeol assures him he has no preferences. "Fair warning, my roommate is a brat," he adds, before opening the apartment door.
"Did you break u-" Jongin sits up from his sprawled position on the living room carpet when Kyungsoo pokes his head in after Chanyeol. He tugs his shirt straight. "I mean, hi hyung."
Chanyeol slides Kyungsoo's bag off his shoulder and rolls the suitcase to one side. "You don't live here," he says, and shoots Sehun an accusing look. Sehun hasn't lifted his head, sitting across from Jongin and bent over one of the scattered worksheets on the table. Jongin's ogling Kyungsoo, which makes Chanyeol roll his eyes and turn his back so his shoulders block Jongin's view.
Kyungsoo is midway through a yawn, eyes drooping. Chanyeol cups his shoulders and rubs them briskly. "You wanna wash up? You look pretty tired."
Kyungsoo nods, and Chanyeol nudges him toward the bathroom, steering him by the shoulders. He digs out a clean towel and points out the toiletries before closing the door behind him and heading back to the living room. Behind him, the shower head turns on with a muted rush.
"Are you fake-single yet?" Jongin asks as Chanyeol drops to the floor at the head of the coffee table. "In addition to real-single, I mean."
"Uh," Chanyeol says, rubbing a hand over his face. "Almost."
"You better tell him before he figures it out himself, hyung." Jongin shakes his head. "He's gonna notice when you can't get hard."
"I can always get hard," Chanyeol snaps automatically. Sehun raises his head like an alarmed meerkat. "Also, why are you here?"
"Sleeping over to do this group project." Jongin waves one of the worksheets.
Chanyeol's expression flattens. "Not on the couch. Kyungsoo's staying over, his apartment's not ready."
"Jonginnie can't sleep on the floor, his back is fucked." Sehun props his chin in his palm. "And I'm not sleeping on the floor."
"You-"
"Not sharing my bed with him either," Sehun continues. "Hyung, just sleep with your boyfriend."
"No," Chanyeol declares. "Fuck no, okay, Kyungsoo can sleep on my bed. I'll sleep with you."
"How is that going to make sense to Kyungsoo?" Jongin asks. "You'll sleep with your twinky roommate but not your boyfriend?"
"Maybe that would-"
"Shittiest breakup tactic yet, hyung." Sehun eyeballs him. "Besides, he's really tiny, so you two will actually fit in one bed."
"I hate you," Chanyeol says, digging his fingers into the short, coarse fibres of the carpet and coming out with some dust fluff and a strand of hair to throw at Jongin. "You have the worst timing."
"Sorry," Jongin says, not sounding sorry at all. "Maybe if you'd done like Joonmyun-hyung said and told him the truth-"
"I'll tell him!" Chanyeol shoves Jongin's thigh with his socked foot. "You're so fucking annoying. I'm helping him unpack tomorrow morning, I'll tell him then."
"Are you going to order pizza and tussle on the bare mattress?" Sehun asks, the tip of his tongue between his teeth. "You've seen Baekhyun-hyung's American porn, right?"
"I'll see my fist in your face," Chanyeol mutters. "Besides, he's making lunch."
"He's making you lunch?" Jongin leans forward with renewed interest.
Chanyeol finds Kyungsoo in Sehun's bedroom after he takes his turn in the shower. The lights in the hallway and Sehun's room are off, a dim glow from the living room faintly visible. Jongin and Sehun are still working, though they've lapsed into that late-night silence. Kyungsoo's in boxers and an oversized shirt, and he's craning his neck at Sehun's tall bookcase of snapbacks.
Chanyeol darts forward one step, two, and catches Kyungsoo under the arms, hoisting him up. Kyungsoo squeaks and Chanyeol laughs loudly, right into his ear, his cheek and damp hair pressed to Kyungsoo's temple for leverage as he heaves upward. Kyungsoo dangles half a foot off the ground for a few seconds, then Chanyeol drops him with a huff and he staggers back, bumping into Chanyeol's chest. Chanyeol drops his hands comfortably to Kyungsoo's waist.
"Sehun collects these things, he loves them," he says, nodding to the hats. "He buys one like every month."
"Impressive," Kyungsoo says. "I really like them."
"Yeah?" Chanyeol reaches over Kyungsoo to snag a New Era cap from a shelf just out of Kyungsoo's reach. He tugs the snapback over Kyungsoo's head and tilts his face up. "I just borrow whatever he buys, but we can go shopping some time if you want." He taps Kyungsoo under the chin, and teases, "Lookin' real baller."
"Yo, check it." Kyungsoo deadpans, and Chanyeol doubles over. Kyungsoo takes the opportunity to cram a BAPE cap down over Chanyeol's head, but Chanyeol straightens immediately and pulls the hat off, fluffing his hair.
"You're gonna make it dry weird," he whines, and Kyungsoo snickers, leaning into his side. Chanyeol stiffens, feeling his cheeks start to warm. Hanging out with Kyungsoo is so much like hanging out with Baekhyun or Jongdae, he forgets that Kyungsoo will take it two steps further. He likes the way Kyungsoo looks at him, like Chanyeol's a particularly charming square of taffy, but his heartbeat stutters whenever Kyungsoo acts on it. He clears his throat. "Okay, let's sleep."
He regrets suggesting it the moment they enter his room.
"I'm just going to," he says awkwardly, and gestures at the floor.
Kyungsoo stares at him. "There's plenty of room on the bed."
"I don't want to, um." Chanyeol waves his hands. "Disturb you, I'm a messy sleeper and you must be exhausted..." He trails off, because Kyungsoo's brows are knitting tighter with every word, and he's suddenly deathly afraid that he's been found out. "It's up to you?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head and sits back on Chanyeol's bed. "Hurry up so I can sleep."
Chanyeol mutely obeys after a pause, climbing up the end of the bed to scoot behind Kyungsoo. He kicks a space for himself under the blankets and lies flat on his back, careful not to make contact. Kyungsoo sits on the blankets and observes him for a moment. Chanyeol shows off his freshly brushed teeth, and Kyungsoo elbows him, then lies down and curls inward.
"'s really good to meet you," Kyungsoo says through a yawn, nuzzling forward like a baby animal. His breath is a regular flutter through Chanyeol's pajama top, and one of his knees pushes into Chanyeol's side. He's warm, and Chanyeol gets too hot too easily, but for now it's a comfortable heat. Chanyeol tugs the blankets up around Kyungsoo's small shoulders, tucking them in, then tips his own head back on the pillow and exhales.
"You too," he says to the ceiling.
The next morning Chanyeol panics.
"I'm really sorry," he apologizes to Kyungsoo for the third time, standing in the apartment foyer with his hands pressed together.
Kyungsoo hefts the backpack on his shoulder. Behind him, Jongin's concentrating on putting on his shoes. "Don't worry. A work emergency is a work emergency. I'll be fine."
"Yeah?" Chanyeol says. His heart is beating fast, and he hopes his anxiety comes off as worry instead of sour-mouthed guilt.
Kyungsoo pats his arm. "Text me. Or I'll text you. You better get dressed, you don't want to be late."
Chanyeol nods. "Good luck unpacking."
There's an awkward pause. Jongin is tightening his laces, his face carefully blank. If they were really dating, this is the point where Chanyeol would kiss Kyungsoo goodbye. Kyungsoo is waiting, small hand clasping the strap of his bag. Chanyeol's gaze flickers down for a split, considering second.
Chanyeol hugs him, instead.
Kyungsoo smells like Chanyeol's shampoo, and the turbulence in Chanyeol's stomach settles a little at the warmth pressed against him; like this, it feels as though he's finally greeting a good friend. "I'll see you soon," he murmurs into Kyungsoo's ear, squeezing him firmly.
Once the front door has closed behind Kyungsoo and Jongin, Sehun sticks his head out the kitchen and gives Chanyeol a disapproving once-over. "Liar, liar," he drawls. "The porn thing was just a joke, hyung."
The guilt gnaws at him, so by late afternoon Chanyeol's standing in front of Kyungsoo's door. He takes a deep breath, knocks, and stares down at his empty hands, wondering if he should have brought something.
Kyungsoo opens the door in a blue apron and flour on his nose, and Chanyeol swallows down the wrong pipe.
"I'm okay," he wheezes, fending off Kyungsoo's concern. "Sorry, sorry."
Kyungsoo sits him at the kitchen table and fetches a glass of water. The apartment already looks lived-in: The furniture has been assembled and arranged, and some personal effects serve as minimal decor. There's a bookcase made of clean wooden crates by one wall, a few tiny plastic sprigs of leaves and flowers stuck between the planks. The only signs of Kyungsoo's recent arrival are the cardboard boxes stacked against one wall.
"What the hell," Chanyeol says, amazed.
"Jongin helped me," explains Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol chokes again, on his water this time.
"He said he could spare a few hours since you couldn't make it." Kyungsoo slaps Chanyeol on the back, making him splutter, and wipes the sprayed water off the table with a rag. "He's a really cute kid, huh?"
"Uh," Chanyeol says. "Okay." The news doesn't absorb smoothly, sticks like a burr in the back of his mind. He taps his fingers on the table and casts around for a change of topic. The apartment smells sweet and feels warmer than it should be. "Are you making something?"
"I'm baking," Kyungsoo says, and Chanyeol tags after him back to the kitchen, sniffing the air. There's a tray of cookies turning golden under the dull glow of the oven, and another tray uncooked on the counter.
"For what," Chanyeol wants to know. The mixing bowl and spoon haven't been cleared yet, and he sticks a finger inside. Kyungsoo looks affronted.
"First vocal group meeting, but you can have one."
"Only one?" Chanyeol sadly runs his other index finger along the rim of the bowl, gathering the leftover dough.
"After that I'll have to charge," Kyungsoo says. "Chanyeol, that's gross."
"I'm willing to pay," Chanyeol says around his finger. "Wow, this is really good."
To his surprise, Kyungsoo ducks his head and busies himself with cleaning up. He snatches the bowl away when Chanyeol goes for another swipe and turns on the faucet. "What're your terms?" Chanyeol crowds against the sink. Kyungsoo washes the bowl, quick and efficient. "There's nothing I won't do for cookies."
The lightness in his chest precipitates so fast it almost hurts when Kyungsoo looks up and his eyes don't draw any higher than the lower half of Chanyeol's face. Trying to be casual, Chanyeol tests it, touching his mouth. There's a bit more dough on his finger and his tongue flicks out automatically, sucking the first knuckle in. Kyungsoo turns two shades redder.
"Oh," Chanyeol says. Then, the second realization: Oh.
He yanks his finger out of his mouth.
Kyungsoo looks away like a flinch.
"If there's anything," he begins, calmly, with his eyes fixed on the sink. He's still rinsing the bowl, running it under the water, over and over. "If anything's up, let me know. I don't want to start off wrong-this is probably stupid, but it feels sort of like you're holding yourself back." He finally turns off the water, settling the bowl into the dish rack. "This is like a new start, right? Let's make the most of it."
Chanyeol has to confess.
The thought is a dull thud, like blood pumping in his ears, nauseating and clammy. Suddenly Chanyeol wishes he hadn't eaten the raw dough. He has to tell him, even though Kyungsoo will probably punch him, and maybe never speak to him again. Chanyeol rolls his tongue in his mouth, trying to work out the words. I'm not your boyfriend. Actually, I'm straight. Hey, you know when I agreed to date you? Well, that was a joke.
Kyungsoo's teeth worry at his lower lip, digging in until the blood rushes to the surface.
I don't like you that way.
Chanyeol puts his hands on Kyungsoo's shoulders, and Kyungsoo looks up at him, utterly startled like they hadn't just spent the past minute in tense, crumbling silence. Wide-eyed, white-cheeked, he looks like a cupcake, the smudge of flour on his nose like a dash of sugar. Chanyeol imagines if they were laughing right now, Kyungsoo's smile would be the heart-shaped chocolate topper-but he has to tell the truth. He's never considered not telling the truth; Chanyeol's been dragging his feet, but he's never thought about stopping altogether, or sneaking back to the starting line.
Kyungsoo's lips are parted and slightly chapped. He has a boyish mouth. Chanyeol has kissed a man exactly once, discounting the peck at the train station, and that time he'd been drunk enough that his belly was already filled with fire. He breathes in slow, through his nose, counting his heartbeat in his head without any certainty as to where he's leading.
Four. Five. Another split second, and Chanyeol's face breaks into a cheerful smile. "There's nothing," he says like a decision. "So, cookie for a kiss?"
As it turns out, Kyungsoo has a dance elective with Jongin and vocal classes with Baekhyun. Baekhyun likes him well enough, says he's very talented, but apparently Jongin is head over heels.
"I don't know where Kyungsoo gets the patience," Baekhyun marvels. "Next thing you know, he'll be changing Jongin's diapers. Joonmyun-hyung likes him too." Chanyeol's frown deepens, and Baekhyun half-grins. "Man, Kyungsoo's gay allure. At least you know when you break up with him he'll have plenty of rebounds in line."
"About that," Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun's eyebrows shoot up. "No."
"I want to see where this can go," Chanyeol says.
"Do Kyungsoo." Baekhyun shakes his head, flicking his drink straw at Chanyeol. "You're not going to tell him at all?"
"No reason to complicate it." Chanyeol touches his knuckles to his lips, thinking about Kyungsoo's mouth opening under his and the bittersweet taste of fine chocolate chips. Everyone is telling him to let Kyungsoo go, the rational part of his own mind included, but Kyungsoo has the kind of laugh you want to be responsible for, and the kind of doe-eyed surprise, and the kind of dead-serious anger. Kyungsoo is adorable, maddening, and Chanyeol is more and more reluctant to give up the permission to have him.
It's a decision that would've worked, if Chanyeol wasn't the type to get around.
Kris throws a house party the next weekend, and Chanyeol brings Kyungsoo. He's used to knowing the crowd and greeting old flames, but it's different now, and every flirty smile makes him want to cover Kyungsoo's eyes with his hands.
"You're popular." Kyungsoo remarks. They're standing in one corner of the living room with the rest of Chanyeol's friends. To the side, Baekhyun tries to talk Jongdae and Kris into a drinking game.
"What, no." Another girl passes and Chanyeol plays it cool with a polite nod. Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows. "It's all old history. Happened months ago, I don't even remember it."
"I do," Zitao offers helpfully, leaning back on his hands. "You were with her last week."
Chanyeol drops his beer.
"Shit," says Baekhyun.
"Chanyeol," says Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo's wrist. His pulse is a siren, but they can't do this here, surrounded by fifty other people and deafened by music. Kyungsoo's staring at him, mouth opening in a question, but Chanyeol doesn't wait, yells, "Thanks, Zitao," over his shoulder, and hustles Kyungsoo out of the crowd and up to the second floor, making a beeline for Kris's empty bedroom and locking the door behind them.
"Um," Kyungsoo says. Chanyeol scans his face, trying to gauge how upset he is, the likelihood of being dumped on the spot, but Kyungsoo always looks so grave when he's not smiling.
"I'm so sorry," Chanyeol says, and it all comes up, resurfacing from the back of his throat, every last lie in heaves. It feels like he's vomiting, or maybe he just wants to vomit, cold with sweat and trying to focus through the alcohol buzz. Kyungsoo's expression hasn't changed at all when he finishes. "But I think-I like you," Chanyeol says.
There's a beat of silence.
"You know," Kyungsoo says slowly, "Your friend's accent is awful. I didn't understand a word he said."
For one unbelievable second, Chanyeol seriously considers jumping out the window.
"I already knew, though." Kyungsoo picks at a thread on his shirt. The look in his eyes hangs the full weight of Chanyeol's selfishness around his neck. "Jongin told me the day I moved in."
"Jongin told-"
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "He didn't mean to. He was stricken afterwards."
"I mean it," Chanyeol rushes. "I mean it this time. I-I like you, Do Kyungsoo."
"I know," Kyungsoo informs him. "I was really pissed at you. I'm still pissed." Chanyeol grimaces, and unexpectedly Kyungsoo's lips twitch in a rueful smile. "If I'd found out sooner I would've killed you. I would've dumped you in a second if you told me before I came," he says, and there's heat in his voice even though he's starting to laugh. "I didn't like you nearly this much before I met you."
"Neither did I," Chanyeol says helplessly. Chanyeol wants to put his arm around Kyungsoo, tuck him close, but that wouldn't comfort anyone but himself.
"I know," Kyungsoo says. "I knew when I asked and you kissed me."
Chanyeol wets his lips. "I want to start on the same page this time."
"No," Kyungsoo says. "I started this relationship two months ahead and I'm still pissed." He pats Chanyeol's chest, then curls his hand in a fist and punches him, but it doesn't really hurt. "I can't believe I'm still here. You Stockholmed me-I can't even properly reject you."
Chanyeol can't help but point out: "Shouldn't that be my line?" and Kyungsoo punches him again, harder.
"Shut up while you're ahead," Kyungsoo advises. "We're going to go shopping tomorrow, and I'm going to tell you how many snapbacks you're buying me. That'll be a start."
A/N:
- "do loveismix it's only 5k"
- how did i forget this is exo fandom, where reasonable wordcounts go to die
Chanyeol/D.O, slight Kai/D.O
PG-13, ~5k.
Chanyeol doesn't think twice about being in a fake online gay relationship-until his "boyfriend" decides to transfer to his school.
(written for the Valentine's Day round of loveismix: originally posted here, remixed for Black Day by the lovely deplore here!)
The subject line of the email reads: Guess what?
Chanyeol clicks it and knocks over his can of soda.
"Fuck."
It takes him five restarts and twelve interruptions to tell the whole story, because Jongin starts having a fit the second Chanyeol shouts in full distress, "MY GAY BOYFRIEND IS COMING," and Joonmyun tips tea into his shirt collar instead of his mouth. Sehun has his face buried in one of Chanyeol's spare hoodies, shoulders shaking, and Baekhyun's laughter only cuts out when Chanyeol throws a Choco Pie at his face. Jongin's doubled over like he's in pain, but Chanyeol knows better. He grabs the entire box of Choco Pies and feels no remorse when it smacks Jongin in the eye.
"I brought those to comfort you," Joonmyun protests.
"They worked great, thanks hyung," Chanyeol says. Sehun finally lifts his head, leaning over to pluck one of the pastries from the box. All of them are gathered in the apartment living room in response to the panicked mass text Chanyeol sent an hour ago, after he had reread the email five times, hoping to find some indication that it was a joke, or realize he was suffering from a stress-induced hallucination, but the message was only three sentences long and there isn't much room for interpretation.
"I don't understand how you got yourself into this," Sehun says, licking a chocolate crumb from his mouth.
"Didn't you hear, Sehunnie," Baekhyun says, eyes narrow with glee, "Chanyeol accidentally implied he likes men, then agreed when the guy asked him if they could be a thing."
"Yeah," Sehun says. "I still don't get it."
"That's because you have more than half a brain," Jongin snorts.
"So does Chanyeol," Joonmyun admonishes quickly, but he looks equally confused, if more sympathetic.
"I didn't think it would matter!" Chanyeol flops onto his back on the couch. "All we do is video chat anyway, and it's been two months. I don't even remember we're 'dating'"-here he makes exaggerated air quotes-"half the time. Who expects this, dude? No one. It's the Internet." He flings his arm out dramatically, and Sehun places a Choco Pie in his hand.
"And you're not gay," Joonmyun repeats. "Did I get that right?"
"I'm not," Chanyeol dry-sobs into a cushion, ripping open the wrapper and stuffing the pie into his mouth. "He just thinks I am."
"Call a helpline," Baekhyun advises.
"No use, Kris-hyung just told me to tell the truth and break up with him." Chanyeol chews gloomily, then grimaces and pulls the cushion over his face, rubbing the chocolate stains around his mouth into the fabric. "I can't, he's going to be so upset. He's gonna kill me."
"Then date him?" Joonmyun tries.
"No," is the muffled reply. Then: "It's a pretty big campus, maybe I could just avoid him. What if I dyed my hair and pretend I transferred?"
"What if you aren't an asshole," suggests Baekhyun.
Joonmyun nods in agreement and rises to pat Chanyeol's leg. "Chanyeol-ah, you have to own up to your mistakes." When he receives no response, he frowns and tugs at the cushion Chanyeol has clutched over his face. "Chanyeol, are you trying to smother yourself?"
Chanyeol rolls over with a pitiful whine and buries his face in the sofa.
This is how it happens: At any given point in time, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are trying to kick each other's asses at a video game. Before the term starts, Baekhyun picks Tiny Farm, which they both laugh over and are obsessed with by the end of the week.
Chanyeol's determined to have the better farm, so when he stumbles across user dok0112 and the most amazing fucking farm he's ever seen, he promptly adds him as a friend and sends a cheery IM. Soon, their conversations stray away from planting and breeding tips, and when dok0112 mentions he likes hip-hop, Chanyeol sends him an old mix. A day later, he gets back a beatboxing clip, and he's so impressed he immediately replies with a video link to one of his old rap battles. Around this point, Chanyeol forgets he only contacted dok0112 to beat Baekhyun at Tiny Farm.
His first mistake comes two weeks later, when they webcam for the first time. In the middle of loving on each other's animals, an unusually despondent dok0112 admits he's trying to figure out how to come out to his parents. Taken aback, Chanyeol tries to be comforting with a series of short, awkward IMs, and when dok0112 misreads one as Chanyeol coming out to him and responds with more vigour than he's had all day, Chanyeol can't find a tactful way to correct him. Instead, he changes the topic, offers to let dok0112 practice his confession on him. They introduce themselves, and Chanyeol saves his number under a new entry: Do Kyungsoo.
The next time he gets himself in trouble, it's past midnight, and Chanyeol's half playfully trying to coax Kyungsoo to bed, half seriously trying to coax Joonmyun into letting him copy his music theory homework. He doesn't notice how Kyungsoo's dressed in a crisp button-down, or how he fiddles with his bangs after Chanyeol compliments his new haircut, and all of a sudden Kyungsoo is confessing to him through the webcam just as Joonmyun threatens to log off. Attention torn, not having the heart to reject Kyungsoo without time for a thoughtful letdown, the first thing out of Chanyeol's mouth is a stuttered, "Uh, sure," and Kyungsoo's face blooms, sleeve coming up to cover his heart-shaped mouth and hide his embarrassed laugh.
It twists his gut in the beginning, but when Kyungsoo doesn't seem to expect anything from him, when their interactions don't change except for Kyungsoo adding a 'Heart.' at the end of his emails, Chanyeol gradually relaxes and lets the lies gather dust.
On Friday, Chanyeol waits at the train station and resists the urge to throw himself onto the tracks. Kyungsoo's train is scheduled to pull in any minute, and when he disembarks, Chanyeol is going to greet him and help him with his luggage, and Kyungsoo will think he is a lovely boyfriend because he still hasn't come clean. He meant to, but then Kyungsoo said he was coming at the end of the week, and the three days that gave Chanyeol weren't enough for him to grow some balls, especially not against the flurry of eager emails Kyungsoo sent detailing his preparations. Now he's left to deal with the messy fallout in person.
It's not that Kyungsoo is a boy-okay, it is a little, but he's more unused to the idea than he is repulsed by it. Chanyeol's had his sexuality crisis. Now, it's the suddenness. Replying to an email is careless, takes up no space, but now Kyungsoo is a person, heavy with flesh and blood and expectations. Chanyeol's being asked to do a pas de deux, a lift, but he isn't ready to take up Kyungsoo's weight.
The other people on the platform scurry forward when the train hurtles through the tunnel and hisses to a stop, presumably eager to pick up actual loved ones. Chanyeol backs up, hands in his pockets, and half-heartedly searches through the emerging passengers. He's just beginning to wonder if maybe Kyungsoo didn't make it, feeling a prickle of worry in his stomach as the crowd thins out, when someone taps his wrist.
Chanyeol jumps.
Kyungsoo takes a step back, heel hitting his suitcase. His eyebrows fly up, but he's smiling, looking awkward and nervous and so hopeful. Chanyeol stares at him, jaw slack, and it takes Kyungsoo's smile slipping before he snaps out of it.
"Hi!" he says too loudly, then clears his throat, flashes his teeth, and continues in a more natural tone. "Kyungsoo?"
"Park Chanyeol. It's really nice to meet you in person." Kyungsoo beams up at him. He's wearing a bright yellow sweatshirt and looks like he should still be in high school. "You're even taller than I expected," he says, and something yanks Chanyeol by the neck and he's-Kyungsoo's mouth is on his.
It's slightly wet, and he's looking at Kyungsoo's face from a normal distance again a split second later. Kyungsoo is a little pink but looks pleased, his hands fisted near the collar of Chanyeol's hoodie where he'd pulled Chanyeol down. Chanyeol raises the back of his hand to his mouth, remembering not to wipe just in time, and settles for awkwardly touching his knuckles to his lips. He must look a little dazed, but Kyungsoo just seems amused.
Kyungsoo only has one suitcase and a backpack, so Chanyeol takes both. "When is the rest of your stuff arriving?"
"I shipped it yesterday," Kyungsoo says. "It should be at my new apartment by now. Thank you, by the way," he adds, a little shy, "for letting me stay over tonight."
Chanyeol squints around, distracted by the station signs directing them to the taxi stand. "None of your furniture is assembled yet, right? It's nothing. How was the train ride?"
"I slept." Kyungsoo gestures to his slightly tousled hair. "Which is good, otherwise I would've psyched myself out the whole time."
"Haha," Chanyeol coughs. "No way, there's nothing to be psyched out about."
He hands the luggage off to a waiting taxi driver when they reach the stand and ducks after Kyungsoo into the car. In a smaller, more confined space, his chest feels a little tighter. Kyungsoo is tiny in real life, maybe shorter than Baekhyun. "Hey," Chanyeol jokes. "Was the beatboxing really you?"
"What are you trying to say," Kyungsoo asks seriously, and Chanyeol's smile stiffens in the drawn-out moment before Kyungsoo's straight, heavy brows lift with a grin.
Chanyeol turns up his palms. "Nothing at all."
"Good," Kyungsoo replies, a note of finality in his voice even as his eyes twinkle. "I've always wanted to go to Hongik University, but it didn't work out my first year. So you know I didn't just come for you." His smile grows soft, sweeter. "You're a bonus."
The taxi pulls away from the curb. Kyungsoo spends almost the entire ride looking out the window at Seoul's nightscape. It should save Chanyeol from having to make awkward small talk, but he finds he doesn't mind. Getting used to the cadence of each other's bodies and speech is clumsy at first, like trying to find a foothold on ice, but the ground between them is thick enough to hold both their weights. Kyungsoo says the same things, but he's funnier when Chanyeol can see the face he's making as he cracks a joke. Compared to the firmness of his written communication, he's unexpectedly excitable, cheeks rounding out every time he smiles, expressive to the last inch. Cuter in real life by miles, Chanyeol thinks as Kyungsoo peers at him and beams.
Kyungsoo catches his hand in the quiet, breezy walk from the taxi to his apartment building, and Chanyeol's earlier tension catches up with him like a gathering fog, the knot in his stomach coming together again. It's easy to forget Kyungsoo's supposed to be more than a friend.
"It'll be a busy couple days for me while I settle in, but I'll text you," Kyungsoo promises in the elevator.
"All right," Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo has to crane his neck to look at him when they stand this close together, and it's hard to mistake the luminous glimmer in his eyes. A little unwillingly, Chanyeol offers, "Can I help you unpack?" The tightness in his throat is growing, but Kyungsoo doesn't know anyone else in the city.
"Okay," Kyungsoo says, lighting up. "I'll make us lunch, is there anything you want to eat?"
Chanyeol assures him he has no preferences. "Fair warning, my roommate is a brat," he adds, before opening the apartment door.
"Did you break u-" Jongin sits up from his sprawled position on the living room carpet when Kyungsoo pokes his head in after Chanyeol. He tugs his shirt straight. "I mean, hi hyung."
Chanyeol slides Kyungsoo's bag off his shoulder and rolls the suitcase to one side. "You don't live here," he says, and shoots Sehun an accusing look. Sehun hasn't lifted his head, sitting across from Jongin and bent over one of the scattered worksheets on the table. Jongin's ogling Kyungsoo, which makes Chanyeol roll his eyes and turn his back so his shoulders block Jongin's view.
Kyungsoo is midway through a yawn, eyes drooping. Chanyeol cups his shoulders and rubs them briskly. "You wanna wash up? You look pretty tired."
Kyungsoo nods, and Chanyeol nudges him toward the bathroom, steering him by the shoulders. He digs out a clean towel and points out the toiletries before closing the door behind him and heading back to the living room. Behind him, the shower head turns on with a muted rush.
"Are you fake-single yet?" Jongin asks as Chanyeol drops to the floor at the head of the coffee table. "In addition to real-single, I mean."
"Uh," Chanyeol says, rubbing a hand over his face. "Almost."
"You better tell him before he figures it out himself, hyung." Jongin shakes his head. "He's gonna notice when you can't get hard."
"I can always get hard," Chanyeol snaps automatically. Sehun raises his head like an alarmed meerkat. "Also, why are you here?"
"Sleeping over to do this group project." Jongin waves one of the worksheets.
Chanyeol's expression flattens. "Not on the couch. Kyungsoo's staying over, his apartment's not ready."
"Jonginnie can't sleep on the floor, his back is fucked." Sehun props his chin in his palm. "And I'm not sleeping on the floor."
"You-"
"Not sharing my bed with him either," Sehun continues. "Hyung, just sleep with your boyfriend."
"No," Chanyeol declares. "Fuck no, okay, Kyungsoo can sleep on my bed. I'll sleep with you."
"How is that going to make sense to Kyungsoo?" Jongin asks. "You'll sleep with your twinky roommate but not your boyfriend?"
"Maybe that would-"
"Shittiest breakup tactic yet, hyung." Sehun eyeballs him. "Besides, he's really tiny, so you two will actually fit in one bed."
"I hate you," Chanyeol says, digging his fingers into the short, coarse fibres of the carpet and coming out with some dust fluff and a strand of hair to throw at Jongin. "You have the worst timing."
"Sorry," Jongin says, not sounding sorry at all. "Maybe if you'd done like Joonmyun-hyung said and told him the truth-"
"I'll tell him!" Chanyeol shoves Jongin's thigh with his socked foot. "You're so fucking annoying. I'm helping him unpack tomorrow morning, I'll tell him then."
"Are you going to order pizza and tussle on the bare mattress?" Sehun asks, the tip of his tongue between his teeth. "You've seen Baekhyun-hyung's American porn, right?"
"I'll see my fist in your face," Chanyeol mutters. "Besides, he's making lunch."
"He's making you lunch?" Jongin leans forward with renewed interest.
Chanyeol finds Kyungsoo in Sehun's bedroom after he takes his turn in the shower. The lights in the hallway and Sehun's room are off, a dim glow from the living room faintly visible. Jongin and Sehun are still working, though they've lapsed into that late-night silence. Kyungsoo's in boxers and an oversized shirt, and he's craning his neck at Sehun's tall bookcase of snapbacks.
Chanyeol darts forward one step, two, and catches Kyungsoo under the arms, hoisting him up. Kyungsoo squeaks and Chanyeol laughs loudly, right into his ear, his cheek and damp hair pressed to Kyungsoo's temple for leverage as he heaves upward. Kyungsoo dangles half a foot off the ground for a few seconds, then Chanyeol drops him with a huff and he staggers back, bumping into Chanyeol's chest. Chanyeol drops his hands comfortably to Kyungsoo's waist.
"Sehun collects these things, he loves them," he says, nodding to the hats. "He buys one like every month."
"Impressive," Kyungsoo says. "I really like them."
"Yeah?" Chanyeol reaches over Kyungsoo to snag a New Era cap from a shelf just out of Kyungsoo's reach. He tugs the snapback over Kyungsoo's head and tilts his face up. "I just borrow whatever he buys, but we can go shopping some time if you want." He taps Kyungsoo under the chin, and teases, "Lookin' real baller."
"Yo, check it." Kyungsoo deadpans, and Chanyeol doubles over. Kyungsoo takes the opportunity to cram a BAPE cap down over Chanyeol's head, but Chanyeol straightens immediately and pulls the hat off, fluffing his hair.
"You're gonna make it dry weird," he whines, and Kyungsoo snickers, leaning into his side. Chanyeol stiffens, feeling his cheeks start to warm. Hanging out with Kyungsoo is so much like hanging out with Baekhyun or Jongdae, he forgets that Kyungsoo will take it two steps further. He likes the way Kyungsoo looks at him, like Chanyeol's a particularly charming square of taffy, but his heartbeat stutters whenever Kyungsoo acts on it. He clears his throat. "Okay, let's sleep."
He regrets suggesting it the moment they enter his room.
"I'm just going to," he says awkwardly, and gestures at the floor.
Kyungsoo stares at him. "There's plenty of room on the bed."
"I don't want to, um." Chanyeol waves his hands. "Disturb you, I'm a messy sleeper and you must be exhausted..." He trails off, because Kyungsoo's brows are knitting tighter with every word, and he's suddenly deathly afraid that he's been found out. "It's up to you?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head and sits back on Chanyeol's bed. "Hurry up so I can sleep."
Chanyeol mutely obeys after a pause, climbing up the end of the bed to scoot behind Kyungsoo. He kicks a space for himself under the blankets and lies flat on his back, careful not to make contact. Kyungsoo sits on the blankets and observes him for a moment. Chanyeol shows off his freshly brushed teeth, and Kyungsoo elbows him, then lies down and curls inward.
"'s really good to meet you," Kyungsoo says through a yawn, nuzzling forward like a baby animal. His breath is a regular flutter through Chanyeol's pajama top, and one of his knees pushes into Chanyeol's side. He's warm, and Chanyeol gets too hot too easily, but for now it's a comfortable heat. Chanyeol tugs the blankets up around Kyungsoo's small shoulders, tucking them in, then tips his own head back on the pillow and exhales.
"You too," he says to the ceiling.
The next morning Chanyeol panics.
"I'm really sorry," he apologizes to Kyungsoo for the third time, standing in the apartment foyer with his hands pressed together.
Kyungsoo hefts the backpack on his shoulder. Behind him, Jongin's concentrating on putting on his shoes. "Don't worry. A work emergency is a work emergency. I'll be fine."
"Yeah?" Chanyeol says. His heart is beating fast, and he hopes his anxiety comes off as worry instead of sour-mouthed guilt.
Kyungsoo pats his arm. "Text me. Or I'll text you. You better get dressed, you don't want to be late."
Chanyeol nods. "Good luck unpacking."
There's an awkward pause. Jongin is tightening his laces, his face carefully blank. If they were really dating, this is the point where Chanyeol would kiss Kyungsoo goodbye. Kyungsoo is waiting, small hand clasping the strap of his bag. Chanyeol's gaze flickers down for a split, considering second.
Chanyeol hugs him, instead.
Kyungsoo smells like Chanyeol's shampoo, and the turbulence in Chanyeol's stomach settles a little at the warmth pressed against him; like this, it feels as though he's finally greeting a good friend. "I'll see you soon," he murmurs into Kyungsoo's ear, squeezing him firmly.
Once the front door has closed behind Kyungsoo and Jongin, Sehun sticks his head out the kitchen and gives Chanyeol a disapproving once-over. "Liar, liar," he drawls. "The porn thing was just a joke, hyung."
The guilt gnaws at him, so by late afternoon Chanyeol's standing in front of Kyungsoo's door. He takes a deep breath, knocks, and stares down at his empty hands, wondering if he should have brought something.
Kyungsoo opens the door in a blue apron and flour on his nose, and Chanyeol swallows down the wrong pipe.
"I'm okay," he wheezes, fending off Kyungsoo's concern. "Sorry, sorry."
Kyungsoo sits him at the kitchen table and fetches a glass of water. The apartment already looks lived-in: The furniture has been assembled and arranged, and some personal effects serve as minimal decor. There's a bookcase made of clean wooden crates by one wall, a few tiny plastic sprigs of leaves and flowers stuck between the planks. The only signs of Kyungsoo's recent arrival are the cardboard boxes stacked against one wall.
"What the hell," Chanyeol says, amazed.
"Jongin helped me," explains Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol chokes again, on his water this time.
"He said he could spare a few hours since you couldn't make it." Kyungsoo slaps Chanyeol on the back, making him splutter, and wipes the sprayed water off the table with a rag. "He's a really cute kid, huh?"
"Uh," Chanyeol says. "Okay." The news doesn't absorb smoothly, sticks like a burr in the back of his mind. He taps his fingers on the table and casts around for a change of topic. The apartment smells sweet and feels warmer than it should be. "Are you making something?"
"I'm baking," Kyungsoo says, and Chanyeol tags after him back to the kitchen, sniffing the air. There's a tray of cookies turning golden under the dull glow of the oven, and another tray uncooked on the counter.
"For what," Chanyeol wants to know. The mixing bowl and spoon haven't been cleared yet, and he sticks a finger inside. Kyungsoo looks affronted.
"First vocal group meeting, but you can have one."
"Only one?" Chanyeol sadly runs his other index finger along the rim of the bowl, gathering the leftover dough.
"After that I'll have to charge," Kyungsoo says. "Chanyeol, that's gross."
"I'm willing to pay," Chanyeol says around his finger. "Wow, this is really good."
To his surprise, Kyungsoo ducks his head and busies himself with cleaning up. He snatches the bowl away when Chanyeol goes for another swipe and turns on the faucet. "What're your terms?" Chanyeol crowds against the sink. Kyungsoo washes the bowl, quick and efficient. "There's nothing I won't do for cookies."
The lightness in his chest precipitates so fast it almost hurts when Kyungsoo looks up and his eyes don't draw any higher than the lower half of Chanyeol's face. Trying to be casual, Chanyeol tests it, touching his mouth. There's a bit more dough on his finger and his tongue flicks out automatically, sucking the first knuckle in. Kyungsoo turns two shades redder.
"Oh," Chanyeol says. Then, the second realization: Oh.
He yanks his finger out of his mouth.
Kyungsoo looks away like a flinch.
"If there's anything," he begins, calmly, with his eyes fixed on the sink. He's still rinsing the bowl, running it under the water, over and over. "If anything's up, let me know. I don't want to start off wrong-this is probably stupid, but it feels sort of like you're holding yourself back." He finally turns off the water, settling the bowl into the dish rack. "This is like a new start, right? Let's make the most of it."
Chanyeol has to confess.
The thought is a dull thud, like blood pumping in his ears, nauseating and clammy. Suddenly Chanyeol wishes he hadn't eaten the raw dough. He has to tell him, even though Kyungsoo will probably punch him, and maybe never speak to him again. Chanyeol rolls his tongue in his mouth, trying to work out the words. I'm not your boyfriend. Actually, I'm straight. Hey, you know when I agreed to date you? Well, that was a joke.
Kyungsoo's teeth worry at his lower lip, digging in until the blood rushes to the surface.
I don't like you that way.
Chanyeol puts his hands on Kyungsoo's shoulders, and Kyungsoo looks up at him, utterly startled like they hadn't just spent the past minute in tense, crumbling silence. Wide-eyed, white-cheeked, he looks like a cupcake, the smudge of flour on his nose like a dash of sugar. Chanyeol imagines if they were laughing right now, Kyungsoo's smile would be the heart-shaped chocolate topper-but he has to tell the truth. He's never considered not telling the truth; Chanyeol's been dragging his feet, but he's never thought about stopping altogether, or sneaking back to the starting line.
Kyungsoo's lips are parted and slightly chapped. He has a boyish mouth. Chanyeol has kissed a man exactly once, discounting the peck at the train station, and that time he'd been drunk enough that his belly was already filled with fire. He breathes in slow, through his nose, counting his heartbeat in his head without any certainty as to where he's leading.
Four. Five. Another split second, and Chanyeol's face breaks into a cheerful smile. "There's nothing," he says like a decision. "So, cookie for a kiss?"
As it turns out, Kyungsoo has a dance elective with Jongin and vocal classes with Baekhyun. Baekhyun likes him well enough, says he's very talented, but apparently Jongin is head over heels.
"I don't know where Kyungsoo gets the patience," Baekhyun marvels. "Next thing you know, he'll be changing Jongin's diapers. Joonmyun-hyung likes him too." Chanyeol's frown deepens, and Baekhyun half-grins. "Man, Kyungsoo's gay allure. At least you know when you break up with him he'll have plenty of rebounds in line."
"About that," Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun's eyebrows shoot up. "No."
"I want to see where this can go," Chanyeol says.
"Do Kyungsoo." Baekhyun shakes his head, flicking his drink straw at Chanyeol. "You're not going to tell him at all?"
"No reason to complicate it." Chanyeol touches his knuckles to his lips, thinking about Kyungsoo's mouth opening under his and the bittersweet taste of fine chocolate chips. Everyone is telling him to let Kyungsoo go, the rational part of his own mind included, but Kyungsoo has the kind of laugh you want to be responsible for, and the kind of doe-eyed surprise, and the kind of dead-serious anger. Kyungsoo is adorable, maddening, and Chanyeol is more and more reluctant to give up the permission to have him.
It's a decision that would've worked, if Chanyeol wasn't the type to get around.
Kris throws a house party the next weekend, and Chanyeol brings Kyungsoo. He's used to knowing the crowd and greeting old flames, but it's different now, and every flirty smile makes him want to cover Kyungsoo's eyes with his hands.
"You're popular." Kyungsoo remarks. They're standing in one corner of the living room with the rest of Chanyeol's friends. To the side, Baekhyun tries to talk Jongdae and Kris into a drinking game.
"What, no." Another girl passes and Chanyeol plays it cool with a polite nod. Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows. "It's all old history. Happened months ago, I don't even remember it."
"I do," Zitao offers helpfully, leaning back on his hands. "You were with her last week."
Chanyeol drops his beer.
"Shit," says Baekhyun.
"Chanyeol," says Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo's wrist. His pulse is a siren, but they can't do this here, surrounded by fifty other people and deafened by music. Kyungsoo's staring at him, mouth opening in a question, but Chanyeol doesn't wait, yells, "Thanks, Zitao," over his shoulder, and hustles Kyungsoo out of the crowd and up to the second floor, making a beeline for Kris's empty bedroom and locking the door behind them.
"Um," Kyungsoo says. Chanyeol scans his face, trying to gauge how upset he is, the likelihood of being dumped on the spot, but Kyungsoo always looks so grave when he's not smiling.
"I'm so sorry," Chanyeol says, and it all comes up, resurfacing from the back of his throat, every last lie in heaves. It feels like he's vomiting, or maybe he just wants to vomit, cold with sweat and trying to focus through the alcohol buzz. Kyungsoo's expression hasn't changed at all when he finishes. "But I think-I like you," Chanyeol says.
There's a beat of silence.
"You know," Kyungsoo says slowly, "Your friend's accent is awful. I didn't understand a word he said."
For one unbelievable second, Chanyeol seriously considers jumping out the window.
"I already knew, though." Kyungsoo picks at a thread on his shirt. The look in his eyes hangs the full weight of Chanyeol's selfishness around his neck. "Jongin told me the day I moved in."
"Jongin told-"
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "He didn't mean to. He was stricken afterwards."
"I mean it," Chanyeol rushes. "I mean it this time. I-I like you, Do Kyungsoo."
"I know," Kyungsoo informs him. "I was really pissed at you. I'm still pissed." Chanyeol grimaces, and unexpectedly Kyungsoo's lips twitch in a rueful smile. "If I'd found out sooner I would've killed you. I would've dumped you in a second if you told me before I came," he says, and there's heat in his voice even though he's starting to laugh. "I didn't like you nearly this much before I met you."
"Neither did I," Chanyeol says helplessly. Chanyeol wants to put his arm around Kyungsoo, tuck him close, but that wouldn't comfort anyone but himself.
"I know," Kyungsoo says. "I knew when I asked and you kissed me."
Chanyeol wets his lips. "I want to start on the same page this time."
"No," Kyungsoo says. "I started this relationship two months ahead and I'm still pissed." He pats Chanyeol's chest, then curls his hand in a fist and punches him, but it doesn't really hurt. "I can't believe I'm still here. You Stockholmed me-I can't even properly reject you."
Chanyeol can't help but point out: "Shouldn't that be my line?" and Kyungsoo punches him again, harder.
"Shut up while you're ahead," Kyungsoo advises. "We're going to go shopping tomorrow, and I'm going to tell you how many snapbacks you're buying me. That'll be a start."
A/N:
- "do loveismix it's only 5k"
- how did i forget this is exo fandom, where reasonable wordcounts go to die