On a brighter note

[idoru]

Well, maybe not BRIGHT, but. I cried last night, while talking to C about my frustrations of yesterday and singing and self-doubt, and while hearing that I'm unreasonable wasn't entirely helpful, it was well-meant. And the crying, like these few days' rain, was cleansing. Hopefully it brought a cold front with it, some inner stillness. I feel

Comments

[idoru]

Among other things, I often forget my [singing] audience. I am admittedly my own harshest critic. When someone points out to me that 'everyone' thinks I'm 'amazing,' I counter with 'everyone is STUPID.' My audience isn't all highly trained vocalists, listening for every flaw. I am retarded, and I forget this, especially when surrounded by my [highly trained vocalist] peers.

Dear E,
I am dumb.

[idoru]

Which weekend is this? I was looking for an October Sunday, since I work most Saturdays, and Sunday I can leave for places after churchjob [generally meaning I can leave Upperville noon-noonthirtyish]. Chris, Jen, and I were trying to work something out, wherein 'trying' means 'we had sorta mentioned it.'

[skreidle]

now when I stick a pencil behind my ear, it STAYS!

WHO KNEW. Value-added!

[folded_faces]

I'm glad to see that you got some of that pent up emotion out. :] Though I know that this sounds weird, it kond of brought a smile to my face when I read that Chris had called you unreasonable. 'Cause, yeah, I know why he did, and I know how it must have sounded.

[idoru]

"Well if it wasn't great, don't WORRY about it, FIX IT." THANKS, HONEY, THAT'S HELPFUL AND I DIDN'T KNOW. I CAN'T COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS, YOU SAY? OH WAIT, I ALREADY SAID I KNEW THAT AND IT DIDN'T HELP ME *DO* IT. At least it wasn't as special as MOM going off on music tangents using words she doesn't know. ;]

[folded_faces]

at least he means well, even if he is abrasive in a dumb boy way? And god, mom and her "I know stuff because I have a daughter that does" frame of mind. :::sigh:::

[wovenhands]

i added you
i hope that is okay.