Might as well just get to the point, eh?

[ignitesthenight]

Yesterday I had a complete mental breakdown. In all actuality, I've been on the verge of one since September. Hard to believe I can survive through two whole months before I actually let myself believe that was what I was thinking

Comments

this icon is terribly cheesy, but... i'm gonna use it anyway, mleah.

[_morning_glow]

i love youu. and i know i don't say it enough but it's true. and i know we don't talk much anymore, but just know that, even though i'm also fucking losing it, if you need to talk, i'll listen. ♥

Re: this icon is terribly cheesy, but... i'm gonna use it anyway, mleah.

[ignitesthenight]

thank you. i know that. just...yeah, thank you. <3

[ellechar]

Likewise on this end*points to above*; we don't talk a whole bunch, but I'm here for you and think you're pretty spiffy. Bend my ear all you like, they're flexible and full of cartiledge.
*hugs*

[lijororli]

Okay... I'm gonna try and put this as coherently as I can, but you know how much I lose at coherence. So here goes:

I don't know if you've noticed my personality at all in the year or so we've known each other, so I'll tell you straight out. I don't step up to do/say something unless I need to, for fear of messing things up. I assume that people know they can come to me with anything, but I never actually say that. So when people don't tell me about things that are bothering them, I either assume that a) nothing's bothering them or b) I'm not the sort of person they want to talk about this stuff with. I figured, in your case, because you seem to have so many friends that you're close with this year, you had people to talk to about this. If I'm wrong in that and have come off as purposely ignoring your problems, then I really do apologize and promise to make up for it.

Now that that's over with, I don't think I need to remind you that I am here, albeit only for another couple of days. And even so, I am willing to make the walk across

[ignitesthenight]

I know. Problem is I don't know how to explain it. I don't need someone to talk to. I have nothing to say. It doesn't make sense, I know. Thank you but...as much as I would love to tell you that would help...it doesn't. Though it's not your fault. Don't feel bad about it.

[lijororli]

It makes a lot of sense. Half of my mini-dramas come from me not really talking to anyone because I have nothing to say.

Just know that if you need me to... I dunno... be there just for the sake of being there, I can do that. And if there's anything I've been doing that has been pissing you off (other than my incessant whining, which has been getting on my nerves and so is being worked on), be sure to let me know.

[_kater_tater_]

Reading this makes me think...are you happy with where your life is heading? Do you know where it's going? This might sound weird, but what do you want to do after school job wise? What exactly are you going to school for

[ignitesthenight]

The only reason I'm not happy is because things keep happening that I can't control, I suppose. Like, yeah, I'm going to school to get my degree in English and work in advertising, ultimately with the goal of working for Disney in advertising. So, yeah, I have goals.

And...I have stepped back from life. That's what I've spent the last year trying to do. Or rather since I started college. I was on my own and I don't have to deal with my parents breathing down my neck and I've spent it trying to step away and firgure out finally what makes me happy. But then everytime I do something that does, it always directly affects something else that just ends up upsetting something I else I need to do or someone else.

And yeah, unfortunately, I've done that little thing every day. Which means I'm not working on stuff I should be more and more because I can't concentrate.

I know you're there and if I had something to say...if there was anything I could say, then of course I'd call you. But I just don't know.

[_kater_tater_]

Well then you sound better than I thought, which is good, definatly. Just don't get into a habit of thinking everything you do will evenually go to crap. Some things turn crappy, but if you think they will all the time then they will. And that just sucks. And plus, you've always pulled through for me, so that's a start, right?

[magicnme]

*hug* Very few people out there are actually strong people. We're just exceptionally good at hiding our issues under a big blanket of 'crap I'll take care of when I have time' till theres no more room under the blanket and crap starts poking out. (God, I have pathetic metaphors for everything

[ignitesthenight]

I don't really want to be the best. I just...want to be recognized. Or have something to show for the things I do. But I don't have anything to show for anything I've done. I just...have a hard time feeling good enough for myself if I'm not accomplishing anything.

And it's not your fault, don't worry about it. You couldn't do more than what you do already, which is plenty.