It's strange to be so so so ready to let things go and get on my own shit, but still have this aching feeling that I'll regret being selfish someday. I've felt that burn and I never wanted it again. However, my voice is at its best... I'm at my thinnest... I'm at the BIGGEST turning point since I graduated high school. It feels so final. So serious ( Read more... )

It's so very strange to feel sadness.. Loss... And relief. At least I'm not holding in all this meaningless bullshit and mulling it over every minute like usual. Just gotta let it be.

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I'm feeling a little stronger today. I got up early, did my hair, did my makeup, dusted off a pair of pink pumps and an old off the shoulder black mini dress. I feel pretty again which is fun. I am definitely using music as a mood booster. No doubt about it. I wanna go sing tonight.

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Rough morning today. I've been gone for 7 days now... One whole week. Actually feels like nothing got better. I'm not happier. I'm alone and I need to just be alone. Doesn't mean it's easy for me. This was the most difficult week of my life. And I survived it with like little to no friend interactions. Such a shame my life ended up here.

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I'm taking shit tons of relaxing supplements. Theyre working. However, my feelings are still allllllllllll screwy. I never dealt with my feelings for PC, and I always use NS as a time filler to forget how bad it hurts to know I could have married the person I've now loved (unrequited, of course) for the past 5 years. I knew I messed up a long time ( Read more... )

I'm TORTURING MYSEEEELF by speaking to him. How do I fill the emptiness??

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Of course.

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Scared. Worried. Not real sure what tomorrow will bring.

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I wake up and I cry. Like... Often.

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Still very blah, but not feeling quite as low... It comes in waves, so I guess I should just hold on and wait. I wonder if I should just go talk I someone about the stuff I've been feeling. Maybe it would make this situation the one that sticks.

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