The Breeders - Part One

[ilivetoplaylive]

Title: The Breeders
Chapter: Part One
Rating: Eventually NC-17 - R
Pairing: Zaylor. A/U. Zac and Taylor are brothers but that's about it.
Word Count: 2651
Note: Read at your own risk. Will eventually include implied rape, child molestation... other stuff.
A/N: I don't have the patience to proofread, I write mostly when I'm delirious in the middle

Comments

[malfunkshon]

WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

DYSTOPIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA yesssssssssssss sorry I must contain my enthusiasm but I loooove dystopia! This is going to be good!

Just in the way dystopian stories *should* start imho, you plunge the reader straight into the story, without explaining too much; it's a case of trusting the reader to fill in the blanks but also, it stimulates our curiousity. What's going on? Where is he? What kind of testing are we talking about?

There's a definite hint of 'The Handmaid's Tale' there; but also it reminds me of a SPN fic that a friend sent me a while ago called 'Prime' (will dig out the link later). That was pretty sick in parts, but the dystopian backstory was brilliant.

Well, you certainly got my attention ;-)

[ilivetoplaylive]

That is exactly what I was hoping to do! create the catch :) Thank you sooo much for your comments.

and find me that link :)

[onlybonesremain]

Wow, what a beginning! I'm so intrigued by this. I really love how you painted the shock-and-pleasure mixture he's experiencing with all of these new things he's being exposed to (a woman's touch, her voice, a shower that he can use as he pleases, and of course the new assignment).

For the last 4 years I had been put through strength and endurance sessions up to sixteen hours a day. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it sometimes though. It was a welcome distraction to the silence that waited for me when I returned to my small room each night. I had finally been good at something, too. I watched the other boys struggle as they attempted to throw the weights over their heads while I could do the same without flinching. It made me feel worth something in the sea of the teenage boys around me.

That paragraph really struck me -- I think it says a lot about his character, a quiet but amazing sort of strength.

I'm very eager to read more. :)

[ilivetoplaylive]

Thank you for the reassurance I was portraying him properly! It's hard to know if you're getting your own point across sometimes

[daisynala87]

wow you are a wonderful writer can't wait to read it more♥

[razzthekid]

Wow... This is incredible so far. I LOVE stories like this. You descriptions are wonderful, I love how you described his seeing a woman for the first time. And i liked how you know it's Zac pretty much right away even though you don't say his name. You describe him so well that there was no way it could've been Taylor.

I can't wait for more!

[shewasred]

Wow, you weren't kidding when you said this was different! But that's definitely a good thing. Like Paola, I LOVE a good dystopia, so this is right up my alley. I'm really curious to see where it's going, what Zac's job is, and just how Taylor fits into all of this...

[iwontbeafool]

Wow! Mind blowing! So intriguing! What is this kind of world??? Very nice plot. And Zac's description was kind of sexy too although he's just talking about his job and stuffs. About that room mate, that's Taylor right? Well, I'll be finding that out, will be reading the next chapter anyway... <3 <3 <3

[ilivetoplaylive]

haha i am to make zac sexy... MOST of the time haha