So, I can now make it mostly through a day without tearing up. It took three days, and I don't think I've reached any kind of stability yet, but I would applaud myself at being on a semi-functional level. The semi-functional means I have no ideas to paint or draw, no motivation besides immersing myself in any minor distraction, but...
I get naked ( Read more... )

So, this is going to be melodramatic, and something no one needs to read, but I'm putting it out there anyways. that was fair warning. I feel horrible. Worse than horrible, like I've ruined the absolute best thing in my life because...see, I don't even know why now. I wasn't really that unhappy. I didn't need to make him cry like that. God, I wish ( Read more... )

So I know, it's really not mature of me to do this, however. However. Every once in a while, in those sleep-deprived, emotionally drained states, a song will appeal to you more than anything else in the world. And this song just appeared at the perfect time, quiet, sad, slightly snarky, because, hey it's Bowie, and how can any of his multitude ( Read more... )

"april seventh, almost april eighth
that shot on antbox of adam ant throwing his head back. exposing the soft, tender underneath of his throat, contradictorily roped and thick with Adam’s apple, his veins. his life blood. its the looks on his face that absolutely kills me, though. his eyebrows contracted, knitting together above the bridge of his ( Read more... )

All she wants to do every night is to sit beside my window and listen to the sirens.
My last bastion of procrastination. Procrastinating my last paper of the semester, one I theoretically have planned out and just need to plot. plot. plop. plock down on the god-damned page. On the computer screen. four in the morning and four pages. It only is going ( Read more... )

Okay, so new writing. (inhale/exhale. sigh)
without the same melodramatic rhetoric that trapped me, that was my saving grace. Hardly think I could honestly escape it.
You are one of the few things keeping me sane these days, through my imaginary trials and tribulations (tribble-ations!)
"Yeah, my good lover is my one good thing these days..."
(I cannot ( Read more... )

And I am Slowly Going Out of My Mind.

It took some willpower not to delete my last entry. Not that anyone would know because its set to private, so no one sees it anyways. I am filled with jealousy for other peoples lives. I see the improbability of my life and it burdens me. This is probably too clinical a way to put it. Maybe too theoretical. But I see the fatness of my stomach and I ( Read more... )

It's peculiar being on the other side of things. Being closer to having a kid than being a kid. No matter how many times I listen to the Smiths, it doesn't help, although I have decided to follow Morrissey's ideas towards sex, regardless of logic. Be celibate by the mere virtue that no one would have sex with you. Still...things are so...strange. ( Read more... )

I've been late for every musical trend that I get into. The Smiths? Late. Broke up before I was born. Jets to Brazil? Broke up when I entered high school. Everclear? Still technically together but with nothing of the same swagger as Art Alexakis is the only member left. Brand New, Placebo and ...I was about to say Dresden Dolls, since I saw them a ( Read more... )