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[im_no_her0ine]

&& i'm crying because she has to go back to renfrew, and i don't. when i'm surviving on 500 calories a day and feel more sick mentally than ever. hating myself more than ever in my life. && no one cares. && no one notices. && no one even thinks twice about how i'm feeling, just as long as i'm still 104 pounds all is lovely, right? right? i thought

Comments

[lust_juxtaposed]

Gah, honey I am so sorry you are struggling so much.
All this, your pain, what you are doing to your body, it does matter, love.

How's your situation with your therapist and nutritionist and all that? Can you express how you are feeling, how you are doing, to those around you.

Can you call out of help, verbally? It's obvious you are in pain doll, you don't need to hurt yourself physically to show it.

I
Love
You

<333

[im_no_her0ine]

my nutritionist was the only person i could ever be semi-honest with, and she has been in the hospital for about 4 weeks and will be in there for about 6 more months or so. my therapist is still pretty new to me and i don't feel comfortable opening up to her. i am really bad at opening up and being honest. it took me about a year to finally say how i'm feeling to my nutritionist, and now i've lost that. *points to a few entries ago.* so things aren't really quite easy with being able to ask for help on my team. but that's life i guess. i love you too hun. <3

[anonymous]

dana -

YOU MATTER. YOUR PAIN MATTERS. READING YOUR JOURNAL MAKES ME WANT TO YELL TO THE PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY AROUND YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS AMAZING PERSON WHO IS STRUGGLING SO MUCH.

just because you're not at renfrew does not mean that you are 100%...remember all those mfgs that that was explained to the parents?

my heart pours out to you. i want to surround you in a cozy cocoon. i think about you every day and you are in my prayers.

i love you so much

xoxo
amalia

[im_no_her0ine]

oh amalia, i love you. i remember those mfg's but it's like, that feels as if it doesn't apply to me, you know? like when you give advice you don't always use it on yourself, as if it applies to everyone but you. i know it doesn't make logical sense, but that's how i feel. i'm thinking about you all the time also. <3

Dana my love

[anonymous]

"I heard that you were living well, but you don't look like your living to me
Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see"
~Dana and Brittany song

I know your not doing well Dana. Even though others might not see it (or might now want to see it) I see it. It kills me. I want so bad for you to get better. But no one can read your mind and if you don't reach out your hand no one can grab it.

<3 Brittany

Re: Dana my love

[im_no_her0ine]

don't make me cry brittany. please, don't make me cry. ugh. our song ALWAYS makes me cry.

"if you don't reach out your hand no one can grab it." i guess i just expect my team to be able to see past all my facades. you know? they are supposed to be good at this, supposed to see when i'm really falling apart inside without me having to say it. but the only person who could ever do that i don't even see anymore, so how can i expect that? ah. i don't know. i hope you are reading what you say to me and using it on you. hang in there gorgeous. <3