I've always kind of felt like that Door's song, Wild Child.. 'not your mother's or your father's child'. Until my dad told me in all sincerity that I was just like him. Then he said when I have kids, what goes around will come around. I wonder what he could have possibly done that karma decided to give him a kid like I was?

There isn't much defensible about it. I know that, I'm not under any delusions. I should have left it well enough alone. That would have been the wisest course of action. But when am I ever wise? I know all the reasons for the things I do. I've never really wondered why I act certain ways or do certain things. This knowledge doesn't save me, it ( Read more... )

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person ( Read more... )

I say there's trouble, when everything is fine. The need to destroy things creeps up on me all the time.

Well, I guess I am to be all alone this week. It's kind of interesting to have a long period of time stretching before me to do with whatever my heart desires. I don't have to follow any rules, take any opinions, include anyone I don't want to. I'm not limited by time, money, or space (having a place to live, unfortunately sravity and all that ( Read more... )

Do I want too much?

i think that i may head to turlock tonight. i need to straighten out the mess in my head. i feel like maybe i can find some answers there. silly, i didn't even know that i had questions. i thought being sober would make everything click into place. but sometimes i'm even more at a loss than i was before. i'm moving to auburn. i think that may be ( Read more... )

My heart hurts every single time I think about them. My friends. My two buddies that were there throughout the wonder years with me. The ones who crashed and burned when I did, and who dreamed and struggled when I did. Ugh. I've never had heart burn until now. I miss them always. Sometimes I wish that I could trade them places. And I do my best to ( Read more... )

i feel like i've been in a constant state of grief and mourning since last april. i wonder if i ever will feel secure again. i'm afraid everything i have is going to abandon me. or i'm going to run away from it because i'm just unable to believe that anything is lasting right now. i love this city. but the regret i have when i am here for the life ( Read more... )

I used to be so damned ungrateful. And I still find myself slipping back into that 'poor me' kind of attitude every now and again. I need to avoid it because once I get on a roll with it, it's really hard to stop going. Lately I've had a lot of difficulty with forgiving myself for the past. I mean, I had the opportunity to be completely happy, and ( Read more... )