Connections. Real ones. Likes the ones we had. The only problem is you ignored them. They scared you. Oh shit! Something real!? Stand back. You aren't ready? Is anyone ever ready for something so heavy? You should never avoid such things. Connections are all we have. Its what reminds us that we are alive while we feel the clouds inside us. When I'm ( Read more... )

Nothing has changed. If anything, it's gotten worse. Way worse. All i can really think about when I sit in silence is how I need to end everything. And how to do it. My surroundings are terrible. But I made a promise to someone I would wait. I'm not sure if I'll be about to keep it. My mentality is at its brink. I'm falling deeper and deeper. ( Read more... )

Well, I'm officially 27. As of two hours ago. Things have gotten better here and there. But nothing substantial or life changing or altering. Just surrounded by good company. My roommate has been dealing with his own trauma and it's put my focus on him. Helping him get through his addiction and the position he is going through and causing his loved ( Read more... )

Today was almost the day. I was behind my the wheel of my car. This deep pain still fills everything I am. I pushed harder on the pedal; gaining speed. The faster I go, the harder I will hit, I thought to myself. I needed to find something to collide with that didn't hurt anyone else but myself. I was surrounded by homes. That's all. Until ( Read more... )

All time low. What does that really mean? It's a band. Right. But besides that, what does it really mean? To everyone, it's different. And sometimes different times call for different all time lows for the same person. While someone might laugh at the idea that you're in your all time low. You have everything! But do you? I really believe it's all ( Read more... )

Its nights like tonight that make me contemplate suicide. Knowing that dying would be way easier than dealing with the shit I'm going through right now. Knowing that if I died, people would feel guilty for doing and saying the evil shit they do or say. Maybe I'll get into a car accident on the way home. Maybe the physical pain will help me forget ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think, I think too much about "what if I died". I pick a scenario and wonder what would happen if I died. I don't know why. But it makes me rethink choices during this said scenario. Sometimes I go as far as crying. I dont want to die. I'm not ready.

I think I spend too much of my life letting my ideas of peoples potential feelings control my actions on a day to day basis ( Read more... )

My whole life I've been an open book. Never kept secrets from anyone. I've been sitting here thinking about how and when people hurt me and it all comes down to them using those secrets I told, against me. And I don't understand how people can be so cruel. I've done it once or twice and immediately regretted. Even apologized quickly afterwards. So ( Read more... )

I wrote you a letter that you'll never receive. I needed to say some things to you without you actually hearing them. But it's because I'm scared of the worst scenario. I'd rather have you in my life while I hold my tongue, than not at all. So this letter is for me, to you. Maybe someday I'll muster up the courage and control to really say how you ( Read more... )