exasperating experimentation with run-ons :(

[immoralfear]

interregnum

our minutes are weighed
yet time does not exist

when we wade in shallow waters
emotions embedded in the sand
when fingers intertwine
bodies coalesce

our eyes light the path
if only for a moment

silence breaks
with laughter that fades
into incomprehensible syllables

(...)

Comments

[matthewseet]

that word appeared in history 's' prelims and confused me totally. =

[immoralfear]

*ditzy grin*

i was deciding between that and parenthesis for the title.

[anonymous]

you're BRILLIANT

[juzzywuzzy]

yer site is alive!!! hahah :)

i knew it had to be cuz of yer exams and stuff. :)

[anonymous]

Great one, but I shall be a nitpick like you asked :)

As usual, I love the vivid imagery, particularly in the second and forth stanzas. The metaphoric meaning of "emotions embedded in the sand" may not come across as clearly as the part about wading in shallow waters. I also like how "incomprehensible syllables" roll off the tip of the tongue when contrasted with the long sounds before it.

Can't help but feel that the (...) is getting cliched though. You will leave the more enlightened readers hanging without resorting to that.

T.

[anonymous]

hmmm

the '(...)' is enclosed in parentheses; i think its pertinent to the poem. in fact, its a very brilliant link i would suppose.

cuRRent...jer

[anonymous]

I recognise that. I concur that the use of parentheses is brilliant and it is the ... that I find to be trite.

Poets understandably want to provoke readers' minds, even when the lines have ended. There is no need to resort to blatant fill-in-the-blanks, especially if it does not enhance the final touch. It would be silly if all poems (save for ones with resolute endings) end with such intangibles.

T.

[immoralfear]

I must hook the two of you up. Artsy, unconventional musician and a disgruntled, cynical Lit major. Let's have a GBL ménage à trois and intellectual orgasms galore.

T: Your points are valid and helpful. I personally like how the "incomprehensible syllables" lead to "(...)" which indicates the absense of words and thought.

[anonymous]

PS. You should join www.deviantart.com :)

T.