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[lux_atomica]

I started dating a guy who is pro-life. He knows that I had an abortion with my ex's baby and despite the fact that he doesn't agree with what I did (I intend to post the story later), he respects my decision

Comments

[selfcomposed]

wow

[lux_atomica]

Yep, we've discussed it. I've rambled about it a few threads down, but basically, we'll be fighting like crazy and I'm going to have to 'convince him,' or we'll probably break up. That seems inevitable, however, since I am intent on getting the Essure procedure done when I am old enough (I'm only 20 and I've been told that doctors won't perform it until I'm 25) and he wants a family.

[techieguru]

Nope. I have never and would never date an anti. It's a matter of respect - if a person doesn't think I have the right to control my own body, how much respect can they really have for me as a person? That's not the kind of relationship I would want.

Good luck.

[lux_atomica]

Thankfully we use two kinds of birth control (when I got pregnant, my ex and I used a condom, which obviously did not work), so I'm not very worried.

Normally things like pro-life and pro-choice don't matter to me. I'm still young and out having fun. He, on the other hand, thinks he's becoming middle-aged at 25 and is thinking about settling down. The bad thing about that is he wants to have a family, where I am adamantly childfree. So I'm going to have to end this. This is the first time different views on abortion and children has ever caused relationship problems.

[new_world_smurf]

To be honest, I don't see how this would come up as a topic of conversation anyway, so much ado about nothing IMO. I would be more concerned about what would happen if you started having sex. PLEASE have the "what will happen" talk if you're considering it.

PS--my last abortion? My boyfriend proclaimed himself pro-life, but the first words out of his mouth when we found out I was pregnant were "you need to get an abortion." It's different when it's your own, you know ...

[luvlyladie]

Amen about it being different when it's you. And I can't really imagine telling an abortion story around the Thanksgiving dinner table either...

If he respects your decision despite his personal feelings about the issue, I wouldn't worry too much about family members. Unless you are someone who is super involved in the pro-choice movement, like if you volunteer as an escort or something, and it's hard to avoid. I have learned who I can talk to about it and who to just keep my mouth shut around.

[lux_atomica]

There are very few people who know about it. Even my own parents don't know, although the reason I would be uncomfortable telling them would be because I would have trouble admitting that I was pregnant.

[eyelid]

I don't see how this would come up as a topic of conversation anyway,

I don't know... maybe my family just discusses more political stuff, but we've definitely gotten into controversial issues like abortion before. And if a family gossips, similar topics might come up... like what if they start talking smack about some girl down the street who had an abortion...

[saucydiva]

I have to agree that it is unlikely that it would ever come up in conversation, unless, I don't know, you are watching tv and there is something said about abortion and they start saying nasty things about women who have had abortions. You could, upon hearing that, simply walk out of the room. Let them draw their own, tiny, narrow-minded conclusions.

But do make sure that you are on the same page if you guys get pregnant. And make sure you stick to your guns. And perhaps stop dating pro-life men? Just a thought.

[lux_atomica]

I've talked about abortion in general with his mother. She's very open with me and was saying that she was very torn about whether or not to have my boyfriend's older brother. However, she's not very pro-life.

My biggest fear is that she would overhear us discussing it (he no longer lives there, but we have discussed it in private).

[eyelid]

You could, upon hearing that, simply walk out of the room.

She could... that's certainly her right... but I don't think that backing down is the way I'd go in such a situation. It sounds like the OP isn't interested in hiding or being ashamed of her abortion just to make her boyfriend happy...

[bunnyface23]

Yikes. I'd never be able to date an anti, so I can't really offer any advice, other than: good god, I hope you have a good long talk about it if you're having sex with him.

[lux_atomica]

Oh yes, there have been several discussions over it. We always debating about certain things, and we often end up on the subject.