I'm not sorry, either

[altheebee]

On January 9th, my boyfriend and I found out I was pregant. We were filled with such mixed emotions, we are planning a future, but he's still a full-time college student. I have a good job and would love a baby, but it has to be right for both parents. After some long talks, we decided I should have an abortion. I took the RU-486 and it wasn't

Comments

[altheebee]

See, I'm not totally sure, but I would say yes. What he says is that it just seemed so right before. My lease was going to be up the same time that he was going to be starting an internship in May. Instead of him living in summer dorms at school, we decided to get a place together. He said that with the arguing about what to do about the baby kind of opened his eyes to how fast our relationship was moving. He said that when he lives with me, he doesn't want to be living off of his dad's money. I guess that makes sense, but I felt a little misled since 12 hours prior he was googling apartments we could live in...

[amandavanessa]

How did all this work out? Are you still together?

[altheebee]

Thanks for asking. No, we're not still together. Afterwards, we broke up for about 3 months and then tried to work it out between April - October. Things just were never the same, long story short, and I broke things off for good.

The whole situation really is heartbreaking and I truly think that if I never got pregnant we would still probably be together. And I wouldn't know yet what a selfish side lived inside this person I thought I knew inside and out. So in a strange way I'm grateful for the situation.

In the end, all the bad stuff allowed me to move on and I found a really great guy who adores me and now we live together.

The moral of this long story is that even though the situation is heartbreaking and awful, it's a test. If your relationship lasts, he's probably the one. And if it doesn't, well you learned that the quick way instead of possibly finding out years and years down the line.

[burned_rose]

we are still together, three years strong. Something that I did notice was that after the abortion, our love was no longer based around having a sexual love for each other, but rather that we had a mutual mental love for each other. We both grew up alot, and act pretty much like a married couple - no sex, but tons of loving of each other, no matter what. It really did bring us closer, as a couple, and politically motivated both of us to be more active in the community and whatnot. it was, and still is, a very positive experience for us both - we grew closer and our lives have changed for the better.

[altheebee]

That's great to hear! Just out of curiosity, are you staying abstinent still? That's one thing I don't think I could give up. I am a very sexual person and while I have a strong mental bond with Kevin, we connect in such a special way when we make love.

[burned_rose]

It's not technically abstinent. It's just that we have moved beyond the extreme sexualness. We do engage in intercourse every now and then - but it is so much more tender - and much more fun - after not having sex for three or four months at a time. It's a deeper conenction. Plus, you can't wait to rip the other person's clothes off. :p

[altheebee]

That would never work out for me. I definitely agree that quality belongs over quantity, however, if I go one week I crawl out of my skin.

[snoo]

I was in a relationship when I had my abortion, and it brought us closer. We broke up a few months later, but not because of the abortion. 8 years later, we still have a special bond and are still on good terms. You and Kevin can totally make it through this time but you have to be able to communicate with one another.

[altheebee]

It's so true. We took a week away from one another just to calm things down. He's the typical guy that has difficulty expressing himself, especially when it comes to being sad. I think he took a lot of this out on me, and if Kevin's frame of mind was different, I would have kept the baby. So that got turned into a little animosity towards him. It's hard to grow up playing with dolls and Barbies and having these dreams all of my life of the day I get to have a real baby, and watching my married sister have her first baby, who I adore. What it boiled down to was that Kevin isn't ready yet, and I'm not financially prepared. One day, he just broke down and cried and I realized he's having a really tough time also, and at first, since I didn't see that, I resented him. We're on much better terms now and just waiting for time to heal the wound of the pain we caused each other and the pain of giving up something we really want to have with one another...but at least 5 years down the road.

[altheebee]

You're so right...for the first week after it just felt like one step foward, two steps back and I saw a new side of him that I didn't necessarily like or love. It was as though he was invaded by a body snatcher, and he felt the same way towards me. My body was going through hell and I know that he feels guilty for being the deciding factor in my choice. What we need to concentrate on is forgiving the hurtful things we said to each other and mend our relationship one day at a time.

[bunnyface23]

Very little changed after my abortion-- my then-boyfriend and I had been together for six months at the time and were together for another two. We moved in together when I graduated from college and had some good times. The only issue was that I had terrifying mood swings for like a month afterwards, which put some strain on things. But the abortion was never really an issue-- obviously neither of us was real happy about it, but it didn't change our relationship.

[altheebee]

Oh, I hear you loud and clear and on the mood swings. One minute, I'm trying to be happy and then I cry, and then I'm pissed...pissed at the situation and how I don't feel it's fair. Women who don't use any birth control besides pulling out get away free and clear and someone who's SO CAREFUL makes a mistake ONE time and I get pregnant. The time I had to take off from work has caused some financial difficulty as well and it just SUCKS.

[whatmayprotect]

i feel bad i've been doing the pull out thing for like 5/6 years now and never once ad a problem... feel bad about it though as it makes me think i might be impotent or my womb may not be a safe place for a baby to sustain a pregnancy.