if i stayed behind
would you let your hair grow?
i will forget
the favors that you owe
i'm dreaming of car wrecks and thunderstorms so bright
let's bury ourselves
and go haunt someone tonight

maybe this is the post where i say life is getting better, just slightly, in very particular ways. maybe when i look back on it 5 days/weeks/months later i won't feel foolish. guess we will see...

i want so badly to create something worthwhile, but i'm too lazy, or too scared.

its weird to finally feel like i can stop searching; that i've come to the end of this chapter. i flip through mental images of every guy i know and have known, and none of them make me pause and ask "what if?" part of me is mistrusting of this calm, but i'm going to refrain from running away. i've had a quote written on my personal account at work ( Read more... )

its amazing how easily humans adapt. i can slip in and out of characteristics at the behest of anyone, and sometimes i don't even notice i've changed. i'm going through one of those awkward periods where i don't feel anything. it reminds me of being on lithium, or being on a crowded train platform as the 3:05 barrels quickly by. i'm content to ( Read more... )

i spend a lot of time making playlists on itunes. most of them have names like "decathecting for beginners" or "fuck you fuck you fuck you." they also involve a lot of dear and the headlights songs ( Read more... )

i'm so annoyed with my most recent dating situation, not because it ended, but because other people outside of j.d. and i became involved...aka, laura, chet, tim, dan, and kat. i'm sure they mean well, but i'm absolutely THROUGH defending my stance, or listening to them sling petty statements at me. yeah, i know there are other guys out there. i'm ( Read more... )

my phone is broken. my car has a coolant leak. i have 30 dollars to my name until next next friday. ::sigh:: i always feel close to getting my head above water, and then something else breaks. i need help. :/

i drove to goshen last night in a rainstorm, and was greeted by my mum and clementine as i pulled in the driveway--it was so sweet and surreal to cling to mother on the porch while the dog nipped at my feet and the rain dripped down the eaves. i opened the door and instantly smiled at the scent of potato soup in the air. i had told mum a few days ( Read more... )

VICTORY IS MINE.