forty hours, television, and prescription pills

...and since then, I've been so good at vanishing.

"See, man, I had realistic expectations for medicine.  I wasn't trying to be 'happy,' I was just trying to fix my brain and function like everyone else.  So, I mean, I'm still depressed... but that's just because I hate my life... which is much better than being depressed because my brain is fucking broken.  So, yeah, whatever, I still hate my life ( Read more... )

My brain has been doing something interesting the past few months.  I say interesting because it was not a common occurrence for me prior to recently... I'm not sure if it is something that many other people experience or not.  Anyway, I've been calling it "brain defragmentation," which is a comparison to how a computer can defragment its hard disk ( Read more... )

I don't want to live.  And no one can give me a compelling reason why I should.  I don't look forward to anything.  I don't enjoy anything. There is something physically wrong with me and I'm really starting to doubt there is a cure.  Every single moment of my life is some kind of misery, and I see no reason why I should endure.

1652

sometimes I can't sleep and all I can do is listen to sad songs and cry over the fact that I'm still alive

This is the year I beat my depression.

Or, at least, die trying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thoughts:

http://tmshealthandwellness.com/

so much time wasted... I just wish I hadn't been so afraid.

Stuck in such still entropy:
My static, stagnant, stale decay.
Around me it all moves dynamic
But inside I remain the same

Sorrows scratched upon the pages
Fail to offer something new.
Of sadness, I've become the sagest
But what good could it ever do?