An Explanation to our Non-American Readers

[infanttyrone]

Ahem

Comments

Re: your history is missing some time-threads

[infanttyrone]

Well obviously that's ancient history. Thanksgiving is modern history. I'm not a total idiot.

[ltmurnau]

Yep, that's what happened all right.
And up here in Canada, we commemorate our victory over the giant beavers by eating them ritually, in the confines of our individual homes; a ritual you will probably never witness but you wouldn't want your family gathered around to watch it anyway.

[infanttyrone]

I knew it! Do you wear the traditional Mountie costumes?

(I woke up gradually this morning, when NPR came on the alarm clock and the radio chefs were talking about all the ways to cook the Bird. Sometimes I get different narrative voices in my head, especially in the morning or late at night, and today I woke with the voice of the guy who would explain Thanksgiving that way. Probably in a very self-assured patronizing voice, to a young person or a non-American. I can only hope people realize I'm aware of our national image as philistines and idiots.)

[ltmurnau]

Aw gee, I just wanted to make some kind of lewdallusion to historically endorsed cunnilingus.
The Way of the Humourist is hard....

[infanttyrone]

...yet we remain a proud, un-bowed people.

[wanderingaengus]

Thank you. It all makes sense to me now.

You forgot the scene with Squanto, though. When on the day before he's due to retire the boss turkey guns him down, and the main Cowboy sheds a single tear and says, "this time, it's personal."

[infanttyrone]

Right! Right!

Every time I hear the name "Squanto" I flash back to TV's Frank, eyes squeezed shut, fists upraised, yelling "SQUANNNNNTOOOOOOOOOO!" (It's in "Gamera", but I couldn't find it online.)

[bigmo76]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/11/21passet.html

"Eating the heart of a dead Indian isn't really the sort of thing that Christ would do."

[infanttyrone]

The last 15 minutes of "A Firesign Chat" is a radio reproduction of the First Thanksgiving that cracks me up every time I hear it.

[prettyoctopussy]

As I may have mentioned before, I am not from this country. I mean, I have adopted it as my country but there's a lot of oral history that I missed out on. You know how they whitewash the history books.

So I really appreciate it. 'Cause as a kid I always watched Westerns which they let us have even in Communist Poland and when I came to the US I always wondered "what about the cowboys?". Now I know. Thanks.

[infanttyrone]

I am thinking of offering my mad history skillz to the board that administers the citizenship test. I'm like Howard Zinn, except not dull.
You can now converse confidently with Americans by birth, assured of knowing the real story.*

*Please don't actually do that.

very useful.

[djproselytic]

I've been trying to explain this holiday jazz to my wife. Apparently they have something similar involving ritual whale-skinning knives and passing around bowls of rancid honey beer and eating raw sheep's heads. It's equally arcane, I tell you.

Now I'll have her read this and I'll no longer feel like their glorious holiday traditions are any better than ours.

~

Re: very useful.

[infanttyrone]

Our American holidays are fat-packed with big-ass action and laffs, indeed. Although her holiday sounds pretty fun, too. You know how I get when the raw-sheep's-head platter comes out...