today it was spring and pretty in the city. the buds from the trees were blown by the wind, and they made amazing cyclones all along my block ( Read more... )

i think i forgot that i could write in here as well as stalk people. i almost freaked out today, about graduating, and living abroad, and all the stuff that div iii's are supposed to have crises about, but i like to think of myself as balanced, so i caught myself off guard. 2 days in the city brings out the best in me, 5 days destroys me. i need ( Read more... )

i realized yesterday that all of my fantasies start with trauma and catastrophe. a nuclear bomb has destroyed ny, i survive a plane crash, my whole family dies in a car crash...
i think its because i'm afraid to be dramatic unless the context is fantastic.

Mark, it seems to me that Ernie and I are replicating each other ( Read more... )

ernie agreed to chair my div III, which means i have a chair who thinks theory is "bullshit," and a member who thinks writing is insidious unless it references theory. Oh, and a second member who's a trained astronomer.
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN

my div iii chair just dumped me. DUMPED ME. i now need to whore out my div iii to anyone who will smile at me ( Read more... )

i had nightmares again last night ( Read more... )

tonight i watched love, actually, and cried like a baby. it was so embarrising, i hid in the couch. i haven't cried in a long long time.
in fact, love sucks, actually.

i am at work, and i am hung over. i need to stop drinking dirty vodka martinis, but they're something so satisfying about being able to order a specialized drink. i feel like james bond ( Read more... )

having a friend who's a bartender is a bad idea. having a perfect idea of what you're doing after you graduate, with no idea of how you're going to get thorugh the next five months, also a bad idea. i am so fucked.
i will never make anything as good as most people breathe.
ugh.