that sober lense has proved the clarity i was seeking. it's been an interesting, wild ride. nobody is here- in that no one will read this and i am completely isolated on the east coast now. i've still absolutely no sense of permanence on this planet. i cannot fathom it, i never will. i can't stay in one place, i've got a talent for it. i have lost ( Read more... )

some days, the pain is entirely unmanageable. unbearable. unfair. i remember asking my mother not long after my surgery if i was always going to need something to help ease it. 15 years later, half my life, i know the answer is yes. but i've known that for a long time now ( Read more... )

honestly, if i had known? i probably would've told you not to do it.

i wrapped my wounds in calendar pages
but maybe this time i'll call it a cocoon instead of a bandage.
transformation instead of triage, i'm looking in the mirror and calling this survival;
but i'm thinking this time next year, i'm hoping to call it hope.

peace out, 2016.

begging for love, but you're old enough to know better than you know.
you hate so much and you're better off alone.

( pg1. )

i feel like i'm not cut out for this. for any of this.

my sincerest apologies; i will never change.

what do you do when you're freaking out about something and the only person who would understand you is the only person you can't speak to

because i need to know how to deal with this and you're the only one who'd know.

"Look, darling, hasn't this gone a little too far?"
"It certainly has."

it was very quiet today, but the sun shone bright and warm.
you know, like a rainbow after a storm or something.

waiting for spring semester to begin. and god, i can't wait.