Super Junior {Hankyung/Heechul ; butterfly effect}
so even as i was writing this, i was aware of how the concept of lines and boundaries and china and chinese could be applied to hanchul and so today, while waiting for my first class, i wrote this. then i edited it like hell just now and a;lsd i have a tutorial and idk what it's on and i'm tiiiiiired, sobbing, but here have some hanchul. not as angsty as the qmi \o/
butterfly effect / Hanchul / 652 words / PG
heechul had a line, once. his best defense was being witty, and his boundary/line was a social butterfly of clever phrases. he defended himself best by keeping people at bay. don't get too close, don't get too involved; be an entertainer, not a friend. be a member of super junior, don't be a part of super junior. love your dongsaengs, but don't love your dongsaengs.
hankyung laughed at him every single time heechul brought it up. "we're friends," he'd say. "donghae's a friend, kibum's a friend, siwon's a friend. i'm your friend." and heechul would agree, "yes, you're my friend." but he never said, i make you laugh and therefore i'm your entertainer. he never said that hankyung being his friend was the problem. he never said that he loved hankyung. he never said because the butterfly fluttered in front of his eyes and obscured his vision and stopped him from seeing hankyung's smile, and stopped him from being helpless.
but then hankyung went away and what was the point of a line when the person you constructed it for wasn't there? the butterfly that he'd painstakingly given life to suddenly died and he was left with the knowledge that his defense had been fragile, so easily damaged without him even knowing, as hankyung crept under where it flew and held on tight to his heart. tied a string around it and tugged at the end from china.
heechul hates china. china hurt(s) him. china took hankyung from him and showed heechul how much he loved that person who came and left and came and left, and china kept hankyung there for months and months and stopped heechul being able to do anything about how he felt, stopped him from doing anything other than write cryptic cyworld entries that made hankyung ask who the girl was. no girl, heechul would tell him. just messing with the fans. and hankyung would laugh, because heechul is an entertainer first and foremost.
sometimes heechul would write an e-mail to hankyung, the modern version of a letter on pink paper clutched in the shaking fingers of a teenage girl in the face of her crush. he'd write out his heart and then delete it as something hankyung would never see. instead, he built up a new line, a line of people to stand between him and the person who he had loved. new friends from other groups; new friends within his group. he lived well. he lived miserably.
hankyung comes back, because he has to. the first place he goes is heechul's bedroom, which he does not have to do. 2.30am, dumping his bag in the middle of the bedroom, waking heechul up and making his heart jump in his chest even as he groans in frustration. hankyung sinks down onto the bed in a tired slump, straight down onto heechul's back, and says, "remind me in the morning to tell you that i love you."
the fabricated line in heechul's life smashes so easily, with just three words. he shifts and hankyung moves to lie on his front beside him, and keeps an arm across his waist and whispers, "i love you i love you i love you" into his ear. "i love you i missed you wo ai ni." and heechul kicks a leg at him and tells him to go to sleep.
(hankyung never had a line. he's never protected himself against heechul because there is no protecting yourself against heechul and his biting wit, silver tongue, artist's hands, and his way of making you love him. hankyung fell, fell hard, fell so hard that it kept him stunned throughout his time in china, until the plane landed in korea and he knew where it wanted to be. he blows against heechul's neck, feeling like he can breathe again and tightens his hold against heechul's waist as heechul wriggles.)
butterfly effect / Hanchul / 652 words / PG
heechul had a line, once. his best defense was being witty, and his boundary/line was a social butterfly of clever phrases. he defended himself best by keeping people at bay. don't get too close, don't get too involved; be an entertainer, not a friend. be a member of super junior, don't be a part of super junior. love your dongsaengs, but don't love your dongsaengs.
hankyung laughed at him every single time heechul brought it up. "we're friends," he'd say. "donghae's a friend, kibum's a friend, siwon's a friend. i'm your friend." and heechul would agree, "yes, you're my friend." but he never said, i make you laugh and therefore i'm your entertainer. he never said that hankyung being his friend was the problem. he never said that he loved hankyung. he never said because the butterfly fluttered in front of his eyes and obscured his vision and stopped him from seeing hankyung's smile, and stopped him from being helpless.
but then hankyung went away and what was the point of a line when the person you constructed it for wasn't there? the butterfly that he'd painstakingly given life to suddenly died and he was left with the knowledge that his defense had been fragile, so easily damaged without him even knowing, as hankyung crept under where it flew and held on tight to his heart. tied a string around it and tugged at the end from china.
heechul hates china. china hurt(s) him. china took hankyung from him and showed heechul how much he loved that person who came and left and came and left, and china kept hankyung there for months and months and stopped heechul being able to do anything about how he felt, stopped him from doing anything other than write cryptic cyworld entries that made hankyung ask who the girl was. no girl, heechul would tell him. just messing with the fans. and hankyung would laugh, because heechul is an entertainer first and foremost.
sometimes heechul would write an e-mail to hankyung, the modern version of a letter on pink paper clutched in the shaking fingers of a teenage girl in the face of her crush. he'd write out his heart and then delete it as something hankyung would never see. instead, he built up a new line, a line of people to stand between him and the person who he had loved. new friends from other groups; new friends within his group. he lived well. he lived miserably.
hankyung comes back, because he has to. the first place he goes is heechul's bedroom, which he does not have to do. 2.30am, dumping his bag in the middle of the bedroom, waking heechul up and making his heart jump in his chest even as he groans in frustration. hankyung sinks down onto the bed in a tired slump, straight down onto heechul's back, and says, "remind me in the morning to tell you that i love you."
the fabricated line in heechul's life smashes so easily, with just three words. he shifts and hankyung moves to lie on his front beside him, and keeps an arm across his waist and whispers, "i love you i love you i love you" into his ear. "i love you i missed you wo ai ni." and heechul kicks a leg at him and tells him to go to sleep.
(hankyung never had a line. he's never protected himself against heechul because there is no protecting yourself against heechul and his biting wit, silver tongue, artist's hands, and his way of making you love him. hankyung fell, fell hard, fell so hard that it kept him stunned throughout his time in china, until the plane landed in korea and he knew where it wanted to be. he blows against heechul's neck, feeling like he can breathe again and tightens his hold against heechul's waist as heechul wriggles.)