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[inkrevelations]

I am turning this in to my Creative Writing class and it needs to be a page longer (it is three and needs to be four). I'm terrible a dialogue. Never mind these plays we are doing. any suggustions would be greatly appriciated. thanks!

Comments

[futurepostcards]

Joe's second to last line he thanks himself. And Mike says we'll figure you the details instead of we'll figure out the details.

now to drag it out and extra page. go in more about daisy. have mike ask why were you at daisy's, I thought you ended it. no I kinda kept it going, the sex was good. you sick fuck. wendy wasn't giving me any. she probably knows. don't say that besides daisy's fucking dead man. I don't know how, but she's dead, blood soaking into my shoes dead.

get the pic.

[porcelain_me]

Ahhh, no, I can't tell you how many times I've seen that story line. Very cliche. Add some weird psychological twist to it. Like Mike comes over, and both Joe and Daisy are dead and Wendy's sitting on the couch drinking a beer, covered in blood. I dunno. But throw in a twist that nobody would expect.

When you teach for so long, you see/read just about everything. Give your teacher something only you could come up with, that he's probably never seen before, and he'll really appreciate it.

Then again, I love English homework, because I love writing, so I'm fanatical about getting my assignments to be mini-prodigies.

[porcelain_me]

Er, and this too:

MIKE: Joe, you need to calm down right now. Drive to my house. I’ll tell Wendy I got you too smashed to drive home last night. Just drive straight here. Okay Joe? (Pause.)Okay?

Shouldn't it be 'I got you too smashed to drive home tonight.'?

Unless I missed something. *shrug*

[ninjakirby]

The easiest way to add more to it is to continue the story.

So Joe gets in his car and starts driving to Mikes. What happens then? Does Joe attract the attention of the police because he's drunk? Perhaps Wendy calls Joe to announce her arrival home and he answers thinking that it's Mike with further instructions (he's drunk and not thinking clearly, doesn't check the caller ID)

I agree with the above that some more should be added to give a twist. What I can think of is:

-Mike and Wendy are intimate themselves. You could add a few more lines from Mike which give concern over Wendy.

-Why is Mike doing this? Perhaps Joe helped him out with a situation similar.
Mike: Damn you can't come over here man, my daughters over for the weekend, I can't have your drunkass over.
Joe: You owe me man. Remember Serina? You owe me big time