Title: She Kisses Harder (1/5)

[inmyth]

Title: She Kisses Harder
Author: inmyth
Pairing: Original male/male slash
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: R
Summary: Ryan and Craig have been best friends since the day Craig whacked Ryan's face with a bucket when they were both four-years-old. Now as the years have piled on, so have Ryan's feelings for Craig. Will Craig accept Ryan's affections or will

Comments

[spiderstars]

Wow. I'm not a big fan of first-person because people usually don't manage to make it convincing, and if it's not convincing it's not interesting, and who wants to read something that's neither convincing nor interesting? Anyway, that long bit of nonsense was a lead-in to say that this was neither not convincing nor not interesting and whoo double negatives. Actually, I thought the personal voice was amazing. You really brought the character to life, and it was easy to tell a lot about his personality without him going into some long, boring ten-page description of himself

[inmyth]

I'm not a big fan of first person POV either, simply because I can't pull it off XD! But thank you anyhow. The character is meant to be my friend, but his narrative is completely me. I actually walk around with all these rambling going on in my head, ha!

Well I got this beta read, and my beta reader is British as well so... maybe it's just the colloquilism? And yes, I am from UK. I totally lose at US dialect and quirks :/.

Thank you for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it thus far.

[tofumice]

haha, US dialect isn't anything to look up anyway. So British terms would probably better suit this story anyway.

[trypton88]

Whew, Ryan's thought patterns can be a little confusing at times with his repeating words and such, but that's alright.

I'm way too tired to Nazi this, but it doesn't need much, so I'll leave it at that.

BTW: I think I'm going to be your new stalker ^_^ because Craig? yesssssshh! And Ryan with his cynical outlook - it kills so good. Curious as to what Ryan looks like though - we have a complete overview of most everyone else, but what he looks like is still a mystery. Skinny emo kid? Hunky man-beast? ohhh I'm dying to know!

+J+

[inmyth]

I'm a very confusing person! Sorry! *sheepish grin*

Hahaha a stalker can't be stalked =P! But you're welcome to, either way. And I knoooow! Aren't I all mysterious and stuff?? You shall see in the next chapter what he looks like. But if you jump on over to my friend Ryan's FP account, his description is all there as I've based it on him. XD!

[trypton88]

-is stalking Ryan too- XD

+J+

[tofumice]

OKAY

[inmyth]

I honestly lose at organising thoughts. I'm just really really really bad at it, so I hope I'll perhaps improve along the way. Fingers crossed anyways.

Also, the subject matter? I dreamt this story up. As in, I actually had a dream that my friend Ryan was in a party where he snogged this guy through Spin the Bottle and that guy's girlfriend got jealous. So when I told him about it, he was like, 'you should write it.' And so I did XD! I wasn't particularly going for the most unique plot line there is haha.

This story, in its entirety, is all sorts of stupid. It makes me roll my eyes whenever I go through what I've written so it not only pleases me, but surprises me too, when someone comments that they're looking forward to the next part. Thank you.

[tofumice]

Heh heh. With practice you get better I spose.
And it's almost awesome you dreamt it up. If only story lines came to me while I was sleeping... That would be so nice.

[inmyth]

I can't write American. I try to but it just sounds wrong so I thought, what the heck... just write how I sound. Aaaaand that's how a sound, hehe.

I'm glad you like it so far and thank you for commenting.

[8i8i]

okay, off the top of my head

[inmyth]

Hey. First of all thank you so much for taking the time to point these things out to me, I really appreciate it