The Third Third 7/10+
Title: The Third Third 7/10+
Author: insane_songbird
Rating: R
Words: ~4700
Warnings: Violence (Hello, it’s Ice Hockey!), Language, NC17 later-on (that means sex, people!)
Disclaimer: Slavery is bad... It’s a lie, all of it.
Summary: Being a Texas boy Jared Padalecki couldn’t care less about ice hockey. So Jared is slightly lost, when his new roommate Chad is the biggest fan on campus. But when he gets to tutor the most infamous player of the college team, things start to get downright scary. Jensen Ackles has a reputation for aggression control problems and Jared has no idea how to get through the semester without either falling for the handsome man or ending up in a fistfight he’d be sure to lose.
Master Post
Hey, guys. As always my love to you all and special thanks to mangacat201 , candygramme , envious_ema and magikalrhiannon .
But today also a HUGE *HUG* to little_jenny25 , who is just completely awesome and made some art for this fic. Look at it, isn't this droolworthy??
Please give her some love, yeah?
Click on the pic for full size (yeah, it's bigger but LJ didn't wanna grant me a bigger pic in this post *sniff*) here on her LJ and you can comment-spam her for me.
Now on to some fiction... ^^
previous part
Part Seven
Jensen lay on his bed, one arm covering his eyes while the other pressed the phone to his ear. The light bulb on the ceiling of his dorm-room was too bright for his currently strained eyes. He knew that were he to look into a mirror right now, he’d find his eyes red and puffy, so he decided to lay off that notion and spare his dignity another kick in the jewels for the night.
Of course, switching off the light might actually be the most sensible thing to do under the circumstances, but that meant he had to get up and move to the switch. That was not an option. Jensen did not want to move right now. Actually he debated ever moving again, but he knew that was no option either, mainly thanks to issues of hygiene.
“And he didn’t STOP you?” Mackenzie’s voice sounded appalled.
“Well, it’s not like I would have let him…”
“That’s beside the point, Jensen. He should at least have tried or taken a shot at talking you into staying!”
Jensen sighed. He had told Mackenzie everything, leaving out the too embarrassing details, but she had wiggled most of the sex part out of him in the last hour, and he hadn’t blushed like that in years.
“Well, he didn’t.”
“Oh, I’m so gonna kick his ass for being such a goddamn moron!”
Jensen smiled weakly at his little sister’s protectiveness. “You know, Mack, you sound more like a big brother than my teenage sister…”
“Well, since you are a great sister-substitute, I thought I might return the favor… and since I think Josh would actually faint if you were to tell him what you just told me - and if he didn't he'd probably be on his way to Massachusetts with his gun fully loaded -, I think I'm your best option for sibling-support in the means of kicking that Jared-guy’s ass!”
He chuckled, feeling a little better at his sister’s banter. “Thanks Mack. But I think I have it covered… anyway, you wouldn’t stand a chance. The guy is a giant. He pinned me to a wall today, when I kinda slipped at this asshole who lives a few doors down from him…”
There was a disapproving sigh audible over the phone-line. “Why do you always have to do that, Jensen?”
He shrank into his cushions, pinching his eyes shut. “I know, it’s stupid, Mack. I haven’t done that off the field in years…”
“Yeah, but only because coach Morgan makes sure that Chris keeps your ass in check! You can’t knock out everyone who doesn’t approve of your lifestyle, Jensen. It’s just not possible.”
“Just those who think they can get away with spitting it in my face.”
“Jensen…” It was an argument they had quite a few times by now. “You’re out manned. Someday you’ll get seriously hurt, and I won’t to watch that happening. This is a war you can't possibly win!”
“But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t fight the battles!” His voice rose, but he was too worked up by now. The fact that they'd couched this discussion in terms of warfare was no surprise to the siblings, they were Navy-kids after all.
“Yes… But are you sure you chose the right weapons? I mean, it would hurt them so much more if you could smile in their faces and tell them to fuck off. Being happy and satisfied does so much more to smite them than breaking their noses…”
He knew she was right but he couldn’t do that. “I know, but…”
“But?”
He took a deep breath to swallow the sob that wanted to escape his throat and choked out, “I can't do that, Kenzie.”
“Why not? You don’t have to fight all the time!”
“But I’m… I’m not.”
“You’re not what?”
“Happy or satisfied… I’m not like that, and I don’t think I'll ever be, while I’m here, and… how am I supposed to shove it in their face if actually I'm miserable, and all I want is to finish this goddamn year and never see them again?”
He heard her breathing for while, knowing that it had probably been a really bad idea to tell his sister just how unhappy he was lately. He didn’t want to worry her, but he needed to get it out of his system, and he just couldn’t lie to Mackenzie.
“I know, Jen. It’s killing me to know that, because I just want to see my big brother happy… but you knew it would be hard. Life’s always hard. It will never go completely according to plan.”
Jensen knew she was really trying, but it just wasn't helping. “You're being very wise for such a young girl, Mack.”
She giggled, and he knew the moment for drama was over for now. “Maybe I watched too much Karate Kid… Mister Miyagi had that influence on people.”
“Great. My little sister quotes fortune cookies.”
“For your information this,” she paused in her sentence. “Was me rolling my eyes at you, Jensen Ackles!”
“What do you want me to say? I don’t know what to do about anything in my life, and you're talking about old Japanese guys!” He sat up with a small grunt and rubbed his eyes.
Mackenzie sighed again, seemingly choosing her words with care. “So… You and that Jared-person really got it on the physical level, but socially and emotionally you are completely incompatible?”
Jensen huffed. “I dunno, Mack. I mean he doesn’t know me… Well, I don’t know him either and… I mean we're really good at fighting, and he knows how to push my buttons. I’m scared.”
“About what?”
“Everything.” He dropped his head in his hands, cursing his own cowardice.
“Do you love him?”
Jensen sat there for a while, mouth half open, thinking. “I have no idea.”
“What does that mean? Do you feel something for him?”
“Yes.” Jensen nodded, rubbing his hand over his face again. “But I don’t know if it's love… or just lust, or need or what my brain tells me I should feel. I can’t tell them apart.”
“Well, why don’t you try to find out?”
“How can I even consider anything with that guy after doing nothing but fighting for weeks?”
“Well, maybe you just vented all your emotions the wrong way?”
“Yeah, because sex with a stranger is a much better idea!” The sarcasm dripped from his voice.
“Jensen, you spent hours with that guy this year… and he’s still a stranger?”
“He never made an effort…”
“Did you?”
“I thought he hated me…”
“You’re such a GUY! Why don’t men communicate?”
“Weren’t you the one saying that he was a dick for not trying to stop me from leaving?”
“Yes… and? I mean, you weren’t the greatest guy in the world when you just ran away after fucking him…”
“MACK!”
“Whatever… and anyway, if what he CLAIMS is true, then he’s just really slow! So, you can’t expect him to make fast decisions and actually choose the right thing. Why do you go for the dumb ones anyway? You’re smart enough, Jen.”
“That’s the thing! He isn’t dumb. He is really smart… and then I should believe that he doesn't know about me, when absolutely EVERYONE here does? I mean, how stupid does he think I am?”
“God, this really gives me a headache!”
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Jared was sitting on his bed when Chad burst into the room later that night, cheering over the victory, or so Jared assumed. But say whatever you want about Chad, and his usual socially impossible behavior, the cheering stopped instantly. Chad looked at Jared, eyebrows raised, head tilted and eyes wandering up and down Jared’s long form.
The tall man sat on the edge of his bed wearing jeans and nothing more, looking like someone close had just died and a dog had peed in his shoes. Jared knew that, but he had no way of changing it. So he just stared at Chad, eyes blown and uncertain, while the other man closed the door behind himself and put the drum and his backpack aside. Then Chad stood silently, looking at Jared some more before flopping down on the bed beside him.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Jared shrugged followed by a moment of silence.
“Something bad happen in the last twelve hours?”
“No… not really bad.” Jared looked at his hands, picking on his nails nervously.
“Uhuh. That means?”
“I kinda… well, me and…” Jared didn’t know if he wanted to tell his roommate what exactly had gone down during the hockey game he had not attended.
“You and… who?”
Jared declared his defeat - after a very pathetic struggle. “Jensen.”
“You fought again?”
“Well… at first.”
Chad sighed, turning Jared by the shoulders to make them face each other. “Man, if I never get more than three cryptic words as an answer, we’ll be sitting here all night! Spill it or tell me to fuck off!”
“We kinda… you know.” Jared knew he was blushing like a teenager, but he couldn’t make himself say that they ‘fucked on the desk like rabbits’.
“OHH… you two… NO.” Chad gave him a scrutinizing look. “You fucked him.”
Jared gaped for a moment before shaking his head in denial.
Chad’s eyes became slits, and he pursed his lips, thinking. “Right…” A knowing grin spread over his lips. “He fucked you.”
“How do you know I’m even interested in him? We don’t even like each other!” Jared tried to sound scandalized, but it came out like the false pretense it was.
“Well, after all the sexual tension sizzling through the air since you two collided the first time it was only a question of time…”
Jared stared at him. “What? You… you noticed?”
Chad laughed. “Jay. You are tutoring the one gay player on the team, and before every session you are a nervous wreck… how could I not notice? Besides, the girls always gossip about it when you’re not there…”
“They… You - WHAT?”
Jared jumped from the bed and looked at Chad, horror stricken. “You knew? You really ALL knew that he was gay and - and none of you thought about raising that fact with me?”
Chad frowned at Jared’s sudden vehemence. “What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, Jensen is gay. Everyone knows it. There’s nothing to bring up…”
“I didn’t know it, Chad! Goddamn it!” Jared drew his fingers through his floppy hair, pulling harder than necessary.
Chad’s mouth hung open, his eyes wide. “What? How could you NOT know? It was a huge issue all through our freshman-year… and besides, the way Sophia and Sandy were wiggling their eyebrows suggestively every time the two of you met in the hallways might have been kind of a give-away, don’t you think?”
A humorless laugh bubbled up Jared’s throat. “I just thought you guys were fucking crazy!”
“You really thought that any of your friends would try to pimp you out to a straight hockey star? That would be like throwing you into a pit to wrestle with alligators!”
Jared stared at him. “Exactly.”
Chad threw Jared’s pillow at him. “Does your stupid ass really think we'd be that low?”
“I thought he was straight! I mean what was the chance there was an out and proud gay guy on this hockey team, AND that it would be exactly the guy that I had to tutor? It’s like one to five million!”
Chad grinned. “Well, throw in the chance of that guy being hot as well, and I'd say it looks like you just won the lottery, Jay!”
“NO!” Jared actually yelled through their dorm, and Chad’s grin slipped away instantly. The taller man bit his lip, starting to pace in the space between the beds like a caged tiger. “You don’t get it, Chad! He was actually coming on to me… I mean like REALLY coming on to me.” Jared was only now realizing the proportions of his misconceptions and wanted to ram his head against the closest wall. “I was a complete ass to him, because I thought it was some kind of scam, trying to get one ahead of the queer guy so he and his friends could kick my ass all the better for it… I shoved it in his face!” He ran his hands over his eyes, trying to avoid showing the angry tears that were starting. “I fucked it up.”
“Not completely if the two of you really got busy tonight…”
Jared let his arms fall and looked at Chad exasperated. “He left, Chad. We fought, we had amazing angry sex… and then he realized it was a huge mistake, and that he hated me, and he left.”
Chad stood up and put his hands on Jared’s shoulders, squeezing them comfortingly. “That doesn’t have to be it, Jay.”
Jared swallowed and looked at Chad miserably. “The worst thing is that I understand where he's coming from. He had every fucking reason to bail.”
“Maybe you have to give him a reason to stay then?”
Jared stared at his friend, wondering if it was Sophia’s influence, or if Chad had always been this sensible and just knew how to hide it beneath his crazy fan exterior.
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Banging on the door jerked Jared out of his half-dozing stupor. He'd been sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed, trying to think of something, anything, to sort out this mess that had taken over his life that evening, when fatigue had crept up to him like the sneaky little bitch it was.
He sighed and pulled himself up to standing, eyes flying to the clock for a moment as he walked to the door. He wondered who might call by at this unholy hour of night, and hope flared in the back of his mind that maybe it was Jensen, coming to set things right. He squashed that hope fast, unwilling to get disappointed once more today, and opened the door.
His heart sank, and the curiosity that had driven him to open the door was replaced by dread as he looked down to find Christian Kane staring at him with a furious look on his face, jaw set and eyes blazing. Jared gulped.
Chris pushed by Jared and walked into the room with purposeful steps, not saying a single word until Jared closed the door slowly and turned around, ignoring the need to run and hide. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Jared’s mouth worked frantically but no coherent thought would gel in his mind to voice aloud. “I… I don’t. What? Is this … are we- Is this about Jensen?”
Chris stared him down with cold eyes. “What else could it possibly be about? Why are you doing this, Padalecki? Is this some sick kind of game you’re playing?”
“What? NO. I… God, no! I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.”
“Do you think this is FUNNY? If you jerk him around like that any longer, I swear I am going to END you!” Chris shoved Jared backwards, crowding him up against the door, squaring his shoulders and drawing himself up to his full height. He was still at least a head shorter than Jared but unheeding of that. Jared felt extremely intimidated.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Chad’s head appeared in the bathroom door, and he raised his eyebrows at their late night visitor. “Chris? Are you aware what TIME it is? What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be celebraiting the brilliant game or something?”
Chris’ eyes slid from Chad to Jared. “That was the plan, until I swung by my dorm to pick up my best friend and found him completely depressed, thanks to another run in with Jared this evening.” Jared was sure that Chris was pretty close to growling.
Chad opened the bathroom door to its full extent and leaned on the frame. “Yeah, I already had my fair share of whining self pity for tonight. Let me tell you that Jensen isn’t the only one who's worked up over tonight’s angry sex thing…”
Chris’ head snapped around, and he stared at Jared. “WHAT? You two did…” Chris’ eyes went wide, and he swore like a sailor. “Holy motherfucking SHIT! You fucked him?”
He stared Jared down with a scandalized look until Chad cleared his throat.
“Actually, it was the other way around…” Jared went red as a tomato and ducked his head. Thanks, Chad. Helpful as usual.
“What the fuck?” Chris seemed to have some problems pushing down the mental image that forced itself onto him, and he shook his head violently. “But I thought you brushed him off.”
Jared looked at the floor feeling highly uncomfortable but needing to explain himself. “I did but… I didn’t know.” He bit his lip, trying to force back tears. “I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Chris looked slightly exasperated, and, honestly, who could blame him?
Thankfully Chad took over further explanations. “Jay here didn’t know Jensen was gay, and thought that the flirting was just a jock’s attempt to get his ass on the line, so he could have a go at beating up the gay guy.”
Chris frowned. “But everyone knows Jensen is gay!”
Chad sighed. “That’s what I thought, but lover boy here lives in his own little world, and he nearly ripped my head off earlier for not sending him a memo about Jensen’s sexuality.”
Jared shook his head, bangs falling over his eyes as he ducked his head and flopped against the door. “I fucked it all up… I was a real jerk to him, but- but I really thought it was a set-up.”
Chris pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, obviously getting a headache from all this. “But it can’t have been so bad, since you two obviously got around that whole thing… and, what? You learned that he was gay and had a go at him?”
Jared’s eyes went wide and he looked at Chris shocked. “No, I… I didn’t mean for it to happen. I just… I mean, I couldn’t help myself after he kissed me.”
“He KISSED you? What the fuck?”
“It’s kinda complicated…”
“You don’t say?”
Jared sighed, scratching his hand over the back of his neck. “Well after that we just… I dunno, we just went on instinct, kinda like auto-pilot, and it was amazing.”
“But?” Chris gave Jared a look that told him the other man was sure there had to be a ‘but’. “What made it all go to hell after that affectionate epitome of homosexual love you two doubtlessly experienced?”
Jared cringed and sank down the door. “I dunno… we kinda remembered that we don’t know each other at all, and he got really angry. I mean he had every right to be angry, after I told him a while back that I didn't want to know him, and that I didn’t give a shit.” Jared scrubbed his fingers over his eyes, trying to brush off the tears that still threatened to fall. “But then I thought he was a homophobic asshole who liked to call people ‘fag’ and pick fights… GOD, I was so STUPID!” He looked up at Chris, shrugging. “How could I have been so blind? I fucked it all up… He was actually interested in me, and I threw it all back in his face… No wonder he left.” Jared dropped his head in his hands.
He heard a rustle of clothes as Chris knelt down in front of him. “You two really know how to fuck things up good. Dear Lord, you’re as much of a drama queen as Jen is… is that something to do with the gay thing?” Chad laughed weakly, and Jared just shrugged not looking up.
Chris sighed. “Do you like him?”
Jared bit his lower lip, trying to keep a sob from emerging and looked at Chris, who was anything but angry now. “I think so. I mean, we don’t actually know anything about each other, but what I've seen so far is, in the new light of things, damn amazing, and I never met anyone who could push my buttons the way he does.”
Chris laughed silently. “I think that sentiment is mutual.”
Jared shook his head, aware of just how pathetically miserable he must look. “I fucked it all up. I can understand why he left.”
“There’s one thing you have to understand about Jensen Ackles, Jared. The guy is a mess. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Jen to bits, but he has a lot of baggage and some huge issues. I’m not a shrink or anything, but all that aggression is just an expresssion of his insecurity and self-doubt. Do you really think you can handle that? Jen is a real handfull.”
Jared shrugged, meeting Chris’ gaze head on. “I’d love to. But there’s not a chance in hell that he would ever even consider something with me now.”
Chris gave him an encouraging smile. “Never say never… You already had sex. How hard could it be? But if you hurt him, I’ll hunt you down and skin you alive. Is that clear?”
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Jared Padalecki always was a rather self confident guy. Generally he was satisfied with his life and liked the man he had become. He was tall, clever and not bad looking if one believes the disappointed sighs of the girls - and later on, women - when they found out that they were just not his type. Jared was comfortable with himself and his sexuality despite the dirty looks and mean comments he'd sometimes had to cope with growing up in the middle of bigoted America. He thought they had made him who he was, and, since he liked that person, he just shrugged off the stupidity of individuals (and sometimes masses) and lived his life the way he felt was right.
This was one reason why Jared was mightily irritated by this whole Jensen situation. Jensen. The man who he had thought hated him, only to find out that his clever mind was oh so wrong. Jensen. The guy Jared had thought could take him down in a heartbeat… just think how easily Jared had pinned the other man to a wall against him - not to mention how good it had felt. Jensen. The man Jared had thought wouldn’t look at him twice, just to have the realization that he had actually been wanted. Jensen. The one person Jared had expected to find his sexual preferences disgusting, only to hear that they were shared. Jensen, who Jared thought had everything he ever wanted, but actually didn’t even have what he really needed.
This was the first time in ages Jared felt uncomfortable with himself. The first time since High School he didn’t like who he was and couldn’t stand completely behind his actions. Jensen had made Jared doubt himself, doubt everything. Jared should hate him for that, but he couldn’t. Maybe Jared had always been comfortable with the person he was, and the choices he made. But where did it lead him? He was still alone. He was still needy. He was still missing something. The security he had found for himself was comfortable but lonely and in a way boring and unsatisfying - although he hadn’t ever admitted that before.
Jensen had taken it all. He'd shredded Jared's security and spiked his comfortable life with pinpricks wherever he touched it. But he also brought promise. Promise for more than he had. For a new level of satisfaction and comfort. But the price was to dare leaving his comfort zone and take a leap of faith, risking to trip on the edge and fall deeper and harder than he probably ever had.
Still Jared couldn’t stay passive anymore. He wanted to leap. He needed to prove to himself that he wasn’t the dick his behaviour had suggested. He was better than that.
That’s how Jared ended up sitting in the library studying. But his subject was not one of the essays he had to write for his classes, or the topic for an upcoming test. His subject of scrutiny was Jensen Ackles. He, who Jared still didn’t know after getting as close to him as humanly possible. Jensen had accused him of not making an effort. Jared would prove him wrong.
Jared went though the old editions of their college newspaper, reading every article ever even mentioning Jensen Ackles, before starting an internet search, concentrating mainly on Texan sources.
Jared felt like some creepy stalker, a new set of traits he did not like about himself, but which were a necessity on his way to climb his personal Mount Everest, whose name was Jensen Ackles. Looking at it this way, people might think that Jensen was but a challenge to him. Jensen was the one man who told him to stay the fuck away. But that would suggest that Jared only wanted to get closer to Jensen, because it was impossible, and Jared needed to prove himself. That was true to a degree, he had to admit, but it played only a minor role.
The fact was that, after getting a glimpse of Jensen, the real Jensen - the genuine article, not the official press version -, even if it was only for minutes, he couldn’t walk away. Jared felt physically unable to not pursue the man. He felt like a pin being drawn in by a magnetic field. He was unable to leave it be, and it scared him, because Jared was many things but compulsively obsessive usually wasn’t one of them.
But Jensen had drawn him into his spell. Jared did not have a high opinion of those who settled their arguments with fists rather than words. But for Jensen he felt respect. Jared had seen the rage in the man’s eyes when he had stood up for his - their - identities. But he had also felt the hurt, the desperation, and the passion Jensen held. Jared knew how it felt. He had seen the sneers and been hurt by the insults more often than he cared about. Sometimes he had wanted to do just what Jensen had made his philosophy. Make them shut up. Show them that there were consequences to their actions, and that they were no doormats you could walk over however the hell you please. Jared felt respect for Jensen, because the man was fearless. The only thing Jensen seemed to fear was being labeled. Jensen didn’t take it, no matter how big the guy was or how mean looking. He didn't give a damn whether he had people to back him up or not.
Jared had ducked out of quite a few fights in his life when they were just about him. Had someone been mean to his friends or his sister, Jared would stand tall. If it was about him alone, he’d rather turn away. It had always seemed to him to be the right choice, but now he felt like a coward. Jensen had decided that he was just as worth fighting for as his friends and family. Now Jared found himself contemplating the reasons why he seemed to have so little respect for his own life style that he hadn’t wanted to stand up for it.
Until that day, Jared thought liking himself was enough, so why bother if some people hated him for what he was. After seeing Jensen fighting tooth and nail to prove that he was just as good as any straight man in every respect, he wondered why he should accept the looks. Why should he act like he didn’t notice? It was easiest, it was safest. But right then, Jared felt it was the coward’s way out.
..next part…
As always I NEED feedback. I'm getting to the hard-to write parts now!