i'm lost in a room full of people again
my hands are over my ears trying to drown out the sound of my own screaming
my arms bleed pain relief
and my breathe is like thunder in my chest
the tears burn my cheeks
and my heart hurts with sadness

lonliness is winning agian

so i called my best friend today, while i was at work to let her know how unhappy and stressed i was. i can't believe what a selfish brat i'm being. today was her surgery and instead of being there for her and telling work i HAD to have this time off, i sat there miserably at work, wishing i was with her the whole time. i told myself that i was ( Read more... )

have you ever been listening to the radio and just found a song that suits your life perfectly in some aspect? believe it or not that new rascall flatts song, hit me like a ton of bricks. its described parts of my life, so perfectly ( Read more... )

HA HA HA. In an effort to rid myself of a funk that i have been in, i decided i would redo parts of my life, starting with my room. i found retarded, weird, crazy nicknacks hidden all over the place.. i am such a pack rat. as i was going through an old box of notes, i came across the letters that Freddy used to send me from the base. instead of ( Read more... )

what does father's day mean to you? well it is my birthday so it means i will be at work sitting miserably at a register, wishing i was dead, drunk, or asleep. fathers day means i don't have to stop and get a card, or any crap for my step dad cause i don't like him. father's day means i will come home tired, and hot, and sit in my room to sulk ( Read more... )

i can't express how proud i am of so many people, not just for what they've done in life, but for who they have become. i can't believe in just a few days, people that i have known for so long will be taking final steps on a stage, to recieve a diploma and go on to better things. regardless of how much i tell myself, its what i wanted.. its not. i ( Read more... )

so of all the places to go on to a spontaneous road trip.. we went to Utah. i mean full blown, closed on sunday, don't say god's name in vein, have 20 children mormon town, utah. my mom decided that it would be a really good idea to head up to utah and hike at zion. well, not only was it NOT a good idea it hurt A LOT. i dragged tasha along with me ( Read more... )

i've been in a weird funk lately, and i don't know how to get out of it. i'm fine when i'm at work, i can be happy and go lucky, mostly cause its my job. when i come home i feel tired, worn out, stressed and unbelievably sad for no apparent reason. WTF!! i want to slap myself in the face and snap the hell out of it. somebody said "whatever" to me ( Read more... )

so i tried listening to someone's advice about my dad, and i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i had the email all written up, explaining how angry i was, but how sad i was too. it ended up being 12 years worth of pain and confusion that i had been holding inside. i told him why i hated him, and i told him why i loved him. i explained my goals ( Read more... )

so i thought this boy was soo perfect and i can't believe how wrong i was. everyone says that i'm being picky and that's why i'm unhappy. so me yelling at someone who was going to lie to me and tell me that they didn't have a girlfriend, when they really do.. is being picky? all i want is unconditional love, and someone who can finally for once ( Read more... )