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I can’t sleep. I am too sad

Where are you? I see you, but you aren’t there. No one is there. You are a shell of a person, just going day by day in a state of grey without ever actually being present.

How can you give me such an emotionally intense night, and then take it away. where did that come from? Where did it go? You connected with me in a way ( Read more... )

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I have so much to say tonight, but the words just arent there.

Sometimes I wonder if that message is really you, and I think to myself that it just stays there to remind me that I`m not alone. Thats why its still there after all these years.

I miss you more than anything.

I have been having the memory dreams again... it's one of the worst parts about being sober. It's not like when I think about all the bullshit when I am awake. At least then I can do something to distract myself and push the thoughts out. But my dreams are never edited and I can't make them stop. The memories just bombard my mind without holding ( Read more... )

So I was thinking... like I usually do.... I think I think I think that I am going to keep the rest of the entries in this journal public from now on. I am going to keep the old journal private, but everything from this day forward I will keep public. And I won't sugar coat and keep things hidden away. I'll write it as if it were private, and let ( Read more... )

The ledge grew narrow. I scooted closer to the cold wall behind me. My feet were firmly planted on the wall beneath me, but still, I could feel the harsh surface change to warm sand. My toes relished the rich texture, even as I felt the ledge that held me fall away. How much closer to the wall could I hug? Or should I just fall away with the sand ( Read more... )

Once again, it has been a long time since I have been on here. I just really need somewhere to turn to.  Without the drugs, there is only so much I can do to distract myself. Last night I was awake in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling and wishing I could do something to make my mind shut off. There is really nothing I can do anymore, ( Read more... )