Synagogue Woes

[iolanthe_rosa]

I'm having such a crisis of faith right now. Actually, it's not a crisis of faith, because I'm a fairly hardened atheist, but I've always nevertheless had a part of my brain that demanded spiritual care and feeding, and I find that it is no longer being fed by my synagogue. There are three legs to my problem's stool:

Comments

[thisside]

The one thing that sort of stood out to me, and perhaps with Judaism this isn't as much an option as it was in Christianity, is perhaps another synagogue might be the answer? You won't have the baggage of having been on any boards, you don't know anyone, etc. You may even look for one with an environment for The Spawn in mind, since after the Girl's bat mitzvah she'll be on a different level as far as that's concerned and more responsible for her own religious path.

Plus if you make a change now, it would give The Spawn time to acclimate before he had to go through the whole bar mitzvah thing.

[iolanthe_rosa]

There is a Reform synagogue in town, and it's a definite option. It's lightweight on the Judaism, but I believe it has a more spiritual orientation. Also their approach to bar mitzvah is much easier and probably better for the Spawn. They have a lot of kids for one thing, so they tend to share bar mitzvah dates and so each one only has to do a small portion of the text instead of the whole thing.

I really am feeling that Conservative Judaism, although much more demanding intellecutally and interesting, is not welcoming enough of my family and our specific needs.

So yes, that's a thought. This is a small community, and leaving one synagogue to join another would be more of a big deal than just dropping out. It would be kind of like leaving one company to go to a competitor. But, you know, you can't think about that stuff when making these life decisions.

[thisside]

If he still gets the essentials that you feel are important for him, then it might be the way to go. It might help him with his socialization progress, as well.

With your own personal religious beliefs, it might make life easier. It could even be more of a compromise to Geoff.

If you do things for the right reasons, then let people talk. Some of them will be saying to each other how they admire you for doing what's best for you and your kids, rather than letting the treadmill carry you downstream.

[iolanthe_rosa]

Indeed. You are a font of wisdom! Perhaps time to make a clean break.

[mirabile_dictu]

I was going to ask what thisside did: is there another synagogue? And like her, I wouldn't let what other people think bother me (too much) if you decide to leave your current one to join the other one. If it's better for you and your family, that's all the matters in the scheme of things.

[iolanthe_rosa]

Yes, a sensible solution, and perhaps it's a way of bringing my husband a little more into the fold.

[zarchasmpgmr]

The cathartic process from writing this will do you wonders. Even just writing it out (and, maybe, reading it to yourself) can help you make better decisions.

Cheri and I do everything together...and I get the same guilty feeling if I even want to do something on my own. Since we both started going back to school, it's gotten a bit easier, but I know Cheri still resents it a little if I leave for school earlier than she thinks I would. Part of the underlying problem is that I've been working from home for 10 of the past 11 years, but we both have to look at it from the fact that when I'm working, don't consider me "at home". I do, but I know Cheri always doesn't.

Now that Cheri will be going to campus two days a week, maybe it will be a bit easier. Although...for most of the past few years, she had been going off to Sierra twice a week. Qui sait?

[iolanthe_rosa]

Yes! It was great to get my thoughts all organized like that! I feel better already - somewhat.

It's hard when you really, really love your mate, but life makes it so you can't do everything together. It just feels wrong.

[zarchasmpgmr]

Even when they say "Oh, don't worry, go have fun by yourself." That is like increasing the guilt.

[iolanthe_rosa]

This is why the good Lord invented therapists....

[iolanthe_rosa]

I totally agree about the value of providing one's child with a spiritual roadmap with a "reputable" religious community. I've seen what happens when you raise your child completely without that; as adults they don't know the difference between a cult and church with an actual history and theology.

[hanarobi]

I have nothing to say but I wanted to let you know that I did read this very carefully and thought about it, but after much reflection, I just have nothing. I don't do kids or religion and I try to avoid middle-class values as much as possible. I found all of this quite fascinating and mysterious. My gut feeling about the children is that if the kids are healthy and loved, all the rest can go play on the freeway during rush hour, but I think that I think that only because I don't have kids. Good luck with all this.

[iolanthe_rosa]

I am very impressed that you read the whole thing and you get an A+ as an LJ friend!