Fic: One of Us
Now
He closed his eyes back the minute he opened them. The world was spinning and nausea pushed bile up to his mouth. Jensen groaned, massaged his temple, leaned his head back against the car seat, and his eyes flew open again. He fumbled to his side.
“Tristan,” he whispered, panic clouding his vision for a moment too long.
He breathed easier when he heard the soft snuffle from the baby seat. “Oh God.” His hands trembling, Jensen undid the seatbelt and lifted the baby from his carseat, running his hands all over Tristan. “Thank heaven, you’re okay.” He pressed Tristan to his chest and rocked him gently. Jensen’s head hurt but other than that he didn’t think he was injured.
Jensen was not so sure about the others though. Neither of them was moving and it was eerily silent inside the car. From the awkward position of the driver’s head, Jensen could tell that she was dead. Jensen tried his door and to his relief it opened easily. He crawled out with Tristan in tow, opened the front passenger door to check on the man there.
The man was unconscious but alive, his pulse steady under Jensen’s fingers. His legs were trapped under the dashboard and he didn’t budge when Jensen tried to pull him out. He checked for their cells but they were both smashed to smithereens.
Jensen stumbled away from the wreckage and with Tristan in his arms, snugly wrapped in his blankets, began walking towards what he hoped would be the next town. There was nothing that he could do here and he prayed that the man would still be alive when help arrived.
“He’s such a beautiful boy!”
Jensen blinked awake and pulled himself up. “Tristan?” He relaxed immediately when he saw his baby in the arms of a sweet-faced nurse. The nurse appeared besotted with Tristan, cooing at the baby who was gurgling and giggling happily, waving his chubby arms in front of the nurse’s face.
The nurse smiled and she looked up at Jensen. “I’ve just given him his milk. You were sleeping and he seemed so hungry. His name is Tristan?”
“Yes, after -” Jensen paused. The truth was he hated the name. “Never mind.”
“I’ll get the doctor.” The nurse turned to go.
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
“How did I get here?”
“You don’t remember?”
Jensen frowned. He remembered ... a car’s double lights penetrating the fog ... an old, kindly lady ... getting into the car, collapsing really. He remembered being exhausted from the mile-long walk, carrying Tristan ... It was all vague and blurred. The accident ... “A woman, elderly, she brought me here?” He asked hesitantly.
“Yes. She dropped you off at the ER and left. You don’t remember?”
Jensen started to answer her when the door opened. A doctor entered, a smile warming his wrinkled face when he saw Jensen sitting up.
“Hello there, Mr. Ackles. I’m Dr. Cooke. How are you feeling?”
Jensen pulled back a little. “I’m fine, Doctor. Am I discharged? Can I go now?”
Doctor Cooke frowned. “Certainly not. The lady who brought you here said something about a car crash. The deputy sheriff is coming to talk to you about it.”
Jensen sighed inwardly. He didn’t want to talk to anybody, much less the police, but refusing to do so would raise suspicion. He simply just had to do it.
“Alright,” he said resignedly. “Can I have my baby with me here?”
“We were going to put him in the pediatrics wing but the nurse will arrange for him to sleep here if you want.”
“I certainly do. I’ve never been parted from him.”
Dr Cooke seemed to hesitate a little. “The baby’s mother isn’t around?”
Jensen’s thoughts clouded and the doctor must have seen something on his face.
“I’m sorry -”
“It’s okay. I just - would rather not talk about it.”
Dr. Cooke nodded, patting his shoulder before leaving the room. “You get your rest. I’ll get Nurse Spencer to set up your baby here with you.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
Jensen didn’t have to wait for long. The nurse from before returned and arranged a baby crib next to Jensen’s bed. “There you go.” She fluffed the blanket around Tristan. “Please tell me if you need anything, okay? The call button is right here.”
Jensen eased himself down under the cover and tried to get comfortable. His muscles were still sore and stiff, but he felt better than before. “Thank you, Nurse, and good night.”
He turned to his side, his eyes going soft at the sight of Tristan sleeping with his thumb in his mouth. “Good night, little one,” he whispered.
Jensen tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. He was dreading meeting the deputy sheriff and on top of that, the images of the man he had left behind in the wreck kept intruding into his thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut. He hoped they had managed to save him. Jensen remembered his bloody face and it reminded him of his cases. He had never been responsible for the death of anyone before and he didn’t want to be responsible for that man’s death.
He got up and went to Tristan’s crib. Jensen bent down, stroking the baby’s cheek with his knuckles. He was so lucky that Tristan had come out unscathed from the crash. He would never have been able to forgive himself had anything happened to his son. No matter what had taken place in the past, Tristan would always be his and his alone.
Jensen recounted the story of the car accident to the deputy sheriff that morning as he sat with Tristan in his lap. The nurse had offered to take the baby while he was being questioned but he refused. Not that he didn’t trust her but he just needed to have the baby with him.
“So, your name is…” The deputy sheriff scratched down in his small notepad.
“Jensen.”
“Now, Mr. Jensen.”
“That’s…”
The deputy ignored him. “You said there were other passengers in the car. Is that correct?”
“One passenger and a driver.” Jensen let the misunderstanding slide. He had plenty of experience dealing with law-enforcement officers and the attitude of some of the small-town sheriffs and their deputies was nothing new to him.
“And the driver was dead when you left the location?”
“Yes. Her neck was obviously broken. I couldn’t get to her side of the car. You’ve seen the wreckage I take it?”
“I’m the one asking questions here, Mr. Jensen.”
“Sure, okay.” Tristan was playing with Jensen’s fingers, cooing contentedly. He had always been a happy baby. Jensen noticed the deputy staring at him and the baby from the corner of his eyes.
The deputy cleared his throat and turned to his notes, flipping the pages before he continued. “So, what can you tell me about the other passenger?”
Jensen straightened up. “He was still alive. He is, right? The woman who helped me yesterday promised that-”
“She did report it to us and yes, he’s alive.”
Jensen felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He slumped in his chair. “Thank God.”
The deputy looked at him curiously. “How well do you know him? Why were you all in the car in the first place? Where were you going?”
Jensen stood up, thinking rapidly. Stalling for time, he went to the crib and settled Tristan inside, placing a teddy bear that the nurse had left for him in his arms.
“Mr. Jensen?”
“Look,” Jensen sighed wearily. “I’m sure you talked to the other man. My story won’t be far different from his.”
“He still hasn’t regained consciousness.”
Jensen stood still, a glimmer of light flickering in his mind.
“Deputy, are you through?”
Startled, both men turned their heads to the door. Doctor Cooke stepped into the room. The deputy looked annoyed.
“No, I’m not. Could you give us a minute?”
“It’s the other victim of the accident. You asked me to notify you when he woke up.”
Jensen started to feel anxiety building up inside him. This was not good. Not good at all. He had to do something before the man started to talk but Jensen totally had no idea what to do or say. “Doctor, how is he?”
Doctor Cooke seemed to weigh in Jensen’s words, gazing at him in - pity?
“His ankle was broken. He’ll need to use crutches for some time. He has some minor wounds here and there but nothing life-threatening.” The doctor paused. “There’s something else, though.”
“What’s that?” Jensen asked. Doctor Cooke looked at the deputy.
“Do you mind if we continue our conversation there in the other patient’s room?”
Jensen stared down at the man lying on the bed. He was good-looking, beautiful really. Even with bandages covering half of his head, Jensen could see that the man was beautiful. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he was sleeping, his breathing soft and relaxed.
He opened his eyes as the doctor closed the door behind him, looking up at Jensen before glancing over at the doctor and the deputy.
“Man, how’re you feeling?” Jensen asked softly.
The man stared at Jensen and licked his dry, cracked lips before answering, his voice raspy. “Who - who are you?”
Jensen was taken aback and he turned questioningly at the doctor who nodded, his face grave. Sad as it was for the man to have lost his memories, it was the first lucky break that Jensen managed to have in a long time. If anything, it would at least buy him some much needed time.
And Jensen knew that everything would be alright. That he - and Tristan - would finally be safe. He reached out his hand and slowly took the man’s in his own. “I’m your husband,” he said.
Then
“By the authority given to me by Lord the Almighty and the State of Texas, I pronounce you husband and wife. Jensen, you may kiss your bride.”
Jensen Ackles had never felt happier. He looked at his beautiful bride, her light blonde curls hanging wispy-soft by the delicate shells of her ears, her blue eyes shining like stars. Joanna Fuller smiled back at him with such love that he knew his past would stay safely locked forever.
“C'mere,” Jensen whispered as he pulled Joanna towards him. He cupped her face with his hands and lowered his face to her, brushing her lips, tasting them. “Joy,” Jensen murmured, closing his eyes. Their kiss deepened and their breaths mingled and they finally broke apart for want of air to the applause of those in the church.
Joy's face was flushed as she pulled back, her smile radiant. Jensen glanced over at the front row where Joy's father and brother were sitting, but there was no one from his side of the family present.
Jensen nodded in the direction of Kurt, his father-in-law, and began to walk down the aisle with Joy holding on to his arm, her hand slender and warm. Bright, happy faces looked on at them from the rows of pews. It seemed like the entirety of Killeen had turned up. Jensen would have preferred a smaller wedding but Kurt hadn't wanted to hear any of it. Joy, his only daughter, had to have the biggest and the most beautiful wedding ever held in town. Jensen didn't have to worry about anything. Every little detail had been thought of, from the three-tier wedding cake with chocolate and vanilla frosting as smooth as cream to the endless flow of champagne. The food alone was enough to feed the entire town.
Jensen and Joy swayed slowly to Pasión from Sarah Brightman under the cloudless blue sky. Eyes partially closed, Jensen rested his chin on his wife’s head. His wife. He had never felt so happy and at peace with himself as he did at that moment.
It was not easy for a big city boy like Jensen to settle in a tiny town. But with his past history, Jensen was willing to be anywhere, as long as no one there knew the real him. Being the only judge in this place suited him just fine.
Yet being young, single and good-looking (or so he was told), Jensen discovered that the people of Killeen were more interested in his personal life rather than his accomplishment. And also, to his utter horror, he found himself being offered ... enticements ... in bed, from male and female alike, in return for favorable verdicts in the cases that he presided over.
Jensen had been astounded when he found a girl, naked, sprawled on his bed, offering herself up to him. Her brother was in jail and she wasted no time in telling him what she wanted in return for her body. And Jensen had wasted no time in throwing her out of his house, much to Bela Talbot's anger and humiliation.
A tap on his shoulder brought him back to the here and now. “May I have the honor to dance with the bride?”
Jensen stepped back, smiling as his wife stepped into her father's arms. He went to a table and picked up a glass of champagne.
“Guess Joy is much better than those whores and sluts, huh?”
Jensen stiffened. “Sorry?” He swirled around. Drew, Joy’s big brother, took a swig from his own glass.
“Those whores and sluts,” Drew repeated, his voice slurring. “Throwing themselves at you. And now Joy.”
“What the-Drew, are you drunk?”
“Not drunk enough. Come on, Jensen, you don't expect people to believe that you two marry out of love? You, a judge, new to the town, and her,” Drew glanced over his shoulder at his sister, “the daughter of the richest man in town.”
Jensen struggled to control his anger. This was his and Joy's happy day. He would not let anybody ruin it. Not when everything had been so perfect. He turned to go but Drew grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his bicep. “Wait.”
“What?” Jensen asked coldly.
“Just - why her? Why Joy? Why not me?” Drew's words hung heavy in the air and Jensen froze before he yanked his arm off Drew’s grip. He stormed away blindly, not looking where he was going and ran smack into a man.
“Hey! Whoa, Jen. What’s the mat-”
“Chris, let go of me.”
Christian Kane released him, raising both hands. “Hey kid, there's no way to treat your old friend.”
Jensen took a deep breath, “Can you stop calling me kid?”
“You'll always be a kid to me,” Chris paused and grinning, he added, “Kid.”
Jensen huffed but he could feel the tension leaving his body. He and Chris looked onto the dance floor where Joy was still dancing with her father.
Chris nudged Jensen. “Your wife, she's a lovely girl. Lucky you.”
“Yeah, lucky me.” Jensen looked down, rubbing at the back of his neck, hesitating before he asked, “Chris, what if people find out what happened to me before?”
Chris didn't answer him immediately. He sighed. “No one knows you here, Jen. Besides, it's not like it was your fault, and I still think you should take it to the board of faculty.”
“Never,” Jensen answered abruptly, refusing to meet Chris's eyes.
“You know I'll always have your back, don't you?”
Jensen didn't respond. The day had suddenly lost its brightness. He heard Chris swear softly.
“Damn, Jen, this is supposed to be your happiest day. What happened?”
“Nothing,” he lied, knowing that he was not fooling Chris at all. But he knew Chris. One word about what Drew had said to him and Chris would confront the bastard, wedding or no wedding.
“Hey, Jensen.”
Jensen looked over his shoulder. He hadn't heard Kurt coming.
“Yeah?”
“Can I have a second?”
Jensen glanced at Chris who frowned a little but mouthed, “Go.” Jensen nodded hesitantly at him before going with Kurt.
“Sure, Kurt. What's up?”
“I wish that backward dick knew more than to monopolize you at your wedding.”
Jensen stared at Kurt, speechless. Whatever it was that he thought Kurt was going to say, that wasn't it. He felt his temper rising. He knew what Kurt thought of Chris, he could see it from the way he was looking at his friend, contempt barely concealed beneath a veneer of civility. But he never thought that Kurt would bring it out into the open like this, challenging his choice of friends, his one and only guest at his wedding.
“Chris is my best friend.” Jensen kept his voice low and controlled even though he was seething inside. “I trust him with my life.”
“Did you fuck each other?” Kurt laughed derisively when Jensen stared at him incredulously. “Oh I know about you, son. You swing both ways, don't you?”
Shaking with anger, Jensen pushed abruptly passed Kurt, “I don't need this.” But Kurt gripped his arm and leaning in, he whispered into Jensen's ear, “I warn you, Jensen. After this party is over, I want him out of this town at once. I don’t like him.” He released Jensen's arm, a smirk on his face.
Jensen whirled around, staring at his father-in-law. What he saw on Kurt's face made him shudder inwardly. What was this all about?
“And you’re not talking to him again.”
Jensen nodded, not trusting himself to speak and Kurt smiled, a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes. “I know you’ll come to your senses. Now go back to your bride before someone steals her from you.”
Jensen looked in the direction Kurt was gesturing at and frowned. He saw Joy dancing with a man he didn’t know, her head thrown back and she was laughing at something the man was saying. He was holding her close in his arms, looking down at her in a manner suggestive of a long-time intimacy and familiarity. Seeing red, he strode towards them, ignoring the looks thrown his way.
“Joy, come here.” He knew he shouldn’t have grabbed his bride and yanked her away from her dance partner. But he was not thinking clearly, his mind clouded with what Kurt had said to him.
“Hey!” Joy snatched her arm away. “What’s wrong with you?”
Jensen ignored her and turned to the man his wife was dancing with. “Stay away from her,” he snapped and took off with his wife in tow.
Now
Jensen dragged himself along the corridors among the lines of racks at Wal-Mart, pushing a cart before him and throwing tins of milk, diapers, jars of baby food and bottles for Tristan, and a pair of jeans, t-shirts, button downs, underwear and razors for himself.
He smiled apologetically as his cart bumped into another. The place was crowded but Jensen didn’t mind in the least. The more people there were, the better for him to go unnoticed, just another face in a crowd of nameless, anonymous people.
Last night had been so stressful, physically as well as mentally that he just had to accept the painkillers from the nurse. His body was sore all over and his head thrummed with the image of Jared staring at him, panic and uncertainty written all over his face. He could understand how the other man must have felt. Coming awake with no memory whatsoever and on top of that learning that he was married to another man? Jensen himself would freak out if he were in the same situation.
When Jensen came to the room, taking the seat beside the bed, the man had reached out and gripped Jensen’s wrist so hard he winced. I’m your husband, Jensen had told him.
“You lied,” the man hissed through gritted teeth.
His heart pounding, Jensen tried to pull his hand back but the man’s grip was vice-like. “Hey, come on.” Jensen forced a smile. “I’m here. We’ll work through this, okay?”
The man flinched at Jensen’s words but he let go of his hand. “What’s your name? Hell, what’s my name?”
Jensen glanced at the doctor and the deputy sheriff, hesitating a little. “I’m Jensen, and you are Jared,” he said.
“Jared?”
“Uh-uh.”
“And I’m married to you - Jensen?”
“That’s the truth.”
Jensen took a deep breath, steeling himself before he continued. “And we have a son. His name is Tristan.”
“I have a kid?” A mixture of shock and disbelief etched across Jared’s face. “I’m married, with a son.”
He slumped down the bed, closing his eyes. Jensen reached out and tentatively put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. He winced when he felt Jared flinching from his touch.
“I’m tired.” Still with his eyes closed, Jared continued, “But I’m fine. I’ll be all right. I just - can’t talk to you now.”
“Come,” Dr Cooke interrupted. “He needs his rest. And you too, Jensen.”
Jensen nodded, his mind in turmoil. What if Jared recovered soon and remembered everything? Jensen had been desperate, saying the first thing that came to mind. Whatever happened next, he had to live with the consequences.
“That’ll be a hundred and forty two dollars and seventy three cents, sir.”
Jensen barely heard him, his mind elsewhere.
“Sir, anything else?”
“Oh, sorry.” Jensen blinked, smiling apologetically at the cashier. “No, that’s all.” Great, now he’d given someone a reason to remember him.
Not that there was anything low profile about him in this town which Jensen wasn’t even sure he’d heard before. Words had apparently spread fast in the hospital about him and Jared being a gay, married couple. Husband and husband.
And speaking of husbands, Jensen couldn’t tell what Jared was thinking or feeling at all. He had been quiet when Jensen came into his room in the morning, avoiding Jensen’s eyes most of the time.
“Men are the most difficult patients.” The nurse who had been bustling about in the room said to him as she walked towards the door. She gave Jensen a smile that seemed to mean something which Jensen was quite at a loss to understand. But the nurse just said cheerfully, “All right, I’ll leave you two alone. Call me if you needed anything.” She indicated to the call button by Jared’s side before closing the door softly behind her.
Jensen looked down at Jared as he swallowed nervously, his mouth suddenly dry. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to spend time with Jared at all, with or without memory. He cursed inwardly at how edgy he was. Jensen couldn’t remember ever being so nervous, not even in his courtroom. He cleared his throat.
“You okay? Need anything?”
Silence.
Jensen sighed inwardly. He got up from his chair and said, “I’m going to talk to the nurse for a while. I need to buy some stuff and -” his voice trailed off as Jared turned his back on him. As you wish, he thought sourly. “Right, I’ll see you later.”
The nurse at the nurses’ station was helpful enough when Jensen asked about a cab after he signed his AMA papers, and gave her his phone number in case there was something happened to Jared and Tristan. “I need some change of clothes and Tristan needs his milk, the usual stuff,” Jensen said.
“But Tristan can get everything he needs here.” The nurse smiled.
“Oh, well, you never know,” Jensen chuckled a little as he rubbed the back of his head, thanking the nurse after she made the call to the local taxi service and arranging for the cab to pick him up in front of the hospital.
“Oh, and you might want to get that husband of yours something to eat. He’s been refusing the hospital food.”
Jensen nodded and for the first time since last night he started to wonder if he’d made the worst mistake ever.
Jensen went to see Dr Cooke in his office after he came back from his errand. There were things he needed to know, to make sure.
“So Jared suffers from something called retrograde amnesia.”
“Exactly.”
“Tell me again about that kind of amnesia?” Jensen asked.
“One of the causes is trauma taken by the head. The patient will have memory loss that…”
“He can’t remember events or people, Doctor?”
“No, I’m afraid not, though he might have flashes of episodes in his past, most of them would be dream-like in nature.”
“And this memory loss, will it take long for him to recover it?”
“That really depends on -”
“But Jared can get his memory tomorrow or a week from now, so to speak?”
“That’s a possibility, of course.”
“Or he might lose his memory forever?”
“It depends on how well his injuries can heal. Recovery isn’t always predictable and at this point in time, I really can’t tell you on how it’s going to be with your husband.”
“Shouldn’t he be seen by a neurologist?”
“I’ve already referred him to one.” The doctor looked at Jensen, his face thoughtful. “We are doing our best here, sir.”
Jensen was somewhat taken aback by the doctor’s tone and his sudden watchful expression. “But of course,” he quickly said. “I’m not questioning your ability here, Doctor. I’m just worried.”
Jensen sat back, then rose to his feet. Dr Cooke didn’t say anything as he walked out of his office.
When the door clicked shut behind Jensen, Jared turned to lie on his back. He tried to will himself to sleep but sleep did not come to him. In the end he simply lay there, staring at the ceiling. His mind whirled around and around, trying hard to place himself in the dark vortex of his memory but all he got was a darker and empty space. He couldn’t even feel his name as he rolled his tongue over it. It just didn’t feel right. God, he didn’t even know whether he was really married to Jensen. To a man.
When Jensen returned to his room, Jared spoke to him first.
“What do I do in life?” He could see that Jensen was surprised by his question and he look flustered for a moment before he got his composure back.
“You’re the head of a publishing office belonging to your father. You work for him.”
“So what am I doing here? I mean, what was I - were we - doing in that car? Where were we heading?”
“We were on our way to your parents’ house, with Tristan.”
Jared felt a twinge in his heart at the name, like recognizing something familiar. Jared frowned, thinking, and he rubbed at his temples. He could feel the beginning of a headache coming up.
“Who was that woman in the car?”
Jensen looked startled. “You remember?”
“The deputy sheriff told me.”
“You talked to him? When?”
“This morning. Why?”
“Look, Jared. I don’t know what you’re thinking but I got the feeling that you think I’m lying. Why would I lie to you, to my own husband?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. Heck, I don’t think I’m even gay.”
If Jared wanted to be honest with himself, it hurt him to see the grief and pain in Jensen’s eyes. He had no idea if he really was Jensen’s husband. He couldn’t remember getting married, couldn’t remember Jensen, but there was something about Jensen that pulled Jared to him, making him want to protect Jensen, keep him safe.
He looked on in silence as Jensen turned away, looking out of the window.
Jensen stared down at the parking lot of the hospital. There was a green Toyota SUV parked at the far corner. He’d met with the owner of that car earlier this morning.
“How much?”
“Twelve hundred.”
“One thousand,” Jensen said. “Cash,” he added before the man could protest.
Rather to Jensen’s surprise, the man raised his hands, quickly saying “Done.” He had expected the man to bargain further, seeing that the car was in a good condition. He fervently hoped the car wasn’t stolen.
Turning from the window, Jensen caught Jared staring. He felt his face warming and he turned away abruptly because suddenly and inexplicably, he felt tongue-tied and shy.
Then
Jensen didn’t see Chris again until the party was over. Chris seemed to have vanished into thin air after their encounter with Kurt and Jensen didn’t like it. Slipping into his bedroom, he took out his cell phone and dialed Chris’s number. Chris’s voice sounded slurred when he picked it up.
“You drunk?” Jensen asked immediately. “Did someone drive you to the motel? Jeez, Chris, answer me.”
“Whassamatter? You worried about me now? You weren’t that bothered just now, were you, Jen?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Hey, it’s okay. I understand. I’m just this lowly university admin staff -”
“Chris!” Jensen was so shocked that he couldn’t speak, didn’t realize at first that Chris had hung up. “Dammit, Chris.”
He dashed out of the room. He needed to see Chris, talk to him face to face, tell him that he was wrong.
Joy was outside the room, waiting for him. Jensen stiffened as she put her hand on his chest.
“Goin’ somewhere, Cowboy? Looking for me?”
The teasing drawl grated on him the way it never had before. He genuinely loved his wife but after what had happened at the reception, and the memory of Chris’s insulted tone when he found out that Jensen had put him up at a motel instead of inviting him to stay at Jensen’s house and what he had just said to him on the phone, Jensen just couldn’t deal. And it wasn’t like it was Jensen’s own house. It was his father-in-law’s, his wife’s, not his.
The sight of Joy leaning seductively against the door frame, the neck of her wedding dress exposing her cleavage, made him shimmer with rage instead. He turned and slowly advanced toward her.
“Where’ve you been?” he asked coldly. “Who was that man?”
“He’s, he’s ...” Joy’s eyes widened and her lower lip trembled and Jensen hated her at that moment, for the play of child-like innocence when he knew she was anything but. The image of her dancing with that man was still clear in his mind, the way she was looking at him.
He reached out and Joy flinched but Jensen only took her hand, gently bringing it to his mouth, kissing her palm tenderly. Joy didn’t know it, yet, but Jensen was at his gentlest and quietest when he was furious.
Panting, Jensen lifted himself up from Joy. She was naked and sweating and the sight of her lying there all wanton and quivering jolted him with a sharp pang of guilt. He had enjoyed her alright, enjoyed her softness and her curves but he couldn’t help but remember rough and hard and the feeling of being dominated. He began to wonder whether he had made the biggest mistake ever in marrying Joy. Chris could be right, but Chris wasn’t here. And that reminded Jensen that he still needed to talk to Chris.
Jensen woke up the next morning to Joy snuggling to his side. He was contemplating getting up when the doorbell suddenly buzzed. It annoyed him a little. Who in their right mind would bother newlyweds on their first morning together? Jensen got out of bed, wrapping a sheet around him and Joy stretched out her arm on the warm space he left behind, her eyes fluttering open.
“Baby?” she murmured.
“Someone’s at the door,” he frowned, feeling oddly irritated at being called baby.
“Ignore it. Come back to bed, Jensen.”
“What if it’s your dad?”
Joy huffed. “He’ll let himself in.”
She was right. The next thing Jensen heard was Kurt’s voice calling from outside their room, “Joy, Jensen, good morning.”
“What the fuck,” Jensen muttered under his breath and opened the door to their bedroom.
Kurt was there standing just outside the door, a smirk on his face. And he had Drew with him. And Jensen didn’t like it one bit when Drew’s eyes immediately roamed over his body.
Now
Jensen felt lucky he’d managed to find a car so quickly. He didn’t think he could face Jared any longer. The man seemed to be able to see through him and Jensen wasn’t a good liar in the first place.
Jensen moved quietly in his darkened room, shadows from the trees outside dancing on the walls. He wrapped Tristan in a blanket and took him from his crib, shushing him up when the baby whimpered. There was no one in the corridor. Holding Tristan close, Jensen hurried towards the fire exit, took the final turn when he ran smack into someone.
Jensen groaned inwardly.
Jared.
Of all the people to run into.
Jared scuffled with his crutches, gripping them tight before he looked up at Jensen with accusation in his eyes. Then he spoke slowly. “You’re leaving.”
Jensen took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. “What do you mean?”
“You’re leaving and - Christ.” Jared ran his hand through his hair. “You planned to leave me. All this time.”
“Jared, I don’t have time.” Jensen looked around him, thankful that there was no one around. “And don’t be silly. I’m not leaving you.”
“Then what do you call this? Sneaking out on me like a thief?”
“I wasn’t sneaking out on you. I was going to get you, honest.”
“But why are we leaving in the first place? Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”
“God, Jared.” Jensen gazed at Jared wearily. “Look. I’ll tell you everything later. But now we’ve got to get going.”
“With me wearing these?” Jared clumsily indicated at his thin hospital clothes with his crutches.
Jensen sighed. “I’m afraid so. I’ll explain later, okay?”
Jensen walked past Jared towards the exit, not bothering to look behind him to see whether Jared was following him or not.
Jared might not remember anything from his past life, but one thing he was quite sure of was that he had an aversion to babies. He glanced nervously from time to time at Tristan sleeping in his babyseat at the back of the car while Jensen took his sweet time buying breakfast for them and clothes for Jared.
They had been driving for several hours when they reached this tidy little town that Jared wasn’t sure was even mapped. Jared noted that Jensen had his stuff inside the car but none of Jared’s. He felt more and more certain that Jensen, or both of them, had done something to break the law. Their names were probably false and Jared had doubts that they were really married.
Jared thought about the dead woman in the car. Jared didn’t remember her. What he knew of her was what the deputy had told him. He felt unaccountably sad for her though he had no idea why. He wondered whether that was due to a subconscious attachment he might have to her. What if she were his ... sister? Or his wife? What if Jensen were a murderer who’d killed Jared’s wife and kidnapped him? Tristan could be Jared’s but the mere thought of that sounded so alien to him. There was no way he could have a kid and not remember him at all.
Yet, Jared couldn’t rule out the possibility that Jensen was, at least, his partner. And that was exactly why he couldn’t let Jensen go without him. Jensen knew him, and Jared had no desire at all to be left alone without anyone knowing who he really was.
His thoughts were interrupted by a soft whimper which was quickly followed by a full-on bawling from the backseat. Oh no. Tristan was awake and crying, and Jensen was nowhere in sight.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it,” Jared swore under his breath as he shifted and looked over his seat at Tristan crying his heart out, tears streaming down his face. “Quiet. Please be quiet,” Jared pleaded. He pulled one of his crutches, got out of the car and grappled to get Tristan out of his seat. He was shaking as he lifted Tristan up, holding him precariously with one arm.
“Ssh, easy now. I’m here, alright? Ssh.” Jared shut his eyes and took a deep breath. I can do this, he whispered to himself. He hauled himself out of the car and carefully made his way to the diner across the street, baby in one arm, crutch under the other.
Jensen’s hands were full with shopping bags when he stopped at the vending machine to get some potato chips for Jared. Only the machine was not letting him have his chips, or his money back, which was why he was now banging at it, swearing under his breath.
“Hey, you need help with that?” A voice suddenly came from behind him.
Jensen ignored it, giving the machine another frustrated smack.
“Do you need help?”
Sighing, Jensen turned towards the man standing close at his back. “Uhh, no. Just-” He faltered as he saw Jared looming behind the man. He was carrying Tristan and there was a look in his eyes which Jensen couldn’t quite decipher.
“Jensen, is there a problem?”
“Jared, what’re you doing here?”
Jared didn’t answer him. He had shifted his attention to the other man, a scowl on his face. “Back off, man. He doesn’t need your help.”
The man threw his hands up as he walked away. “Hey, just trying to help here. Chill, dude.”
Jensen put his bags down and took Tristan. He glared at Jared. “What the hell was that?”
“He was bothering you.”
“No, he wasn’t. He was only trying to help. And even if he was bothering me, I could take care of myself. No need to go all alpha male on me, Jared.”
Jared’s face reddened. “Whatever,” he muttered as he grabbed the bags in one hand and took off without another word.
Jensen was silent as he drove, acutely aware that Jared was watching him from the passenger seat. He was tired and worried but he could not, would not, lower his guard, not while Jared was sitting there appraising him, and probably judging him as well.
“You okay?” Jared asked quietly.
“Yeah.” He tightened his grip around the wheel. Come on, he told himself. You can do this.
But he knew. His life was in danger as long as those people were still out there looking for him. And he had inadvertently dragged Jared into all this.
“Perhaps we should stop for awhile.” There was concern in Jared’s voice, and something else that Jensen didn’t care to analyze.
“No, no. I’m fine. We’ve got a long way to go.” Jensen paused. “By the way, what made you came for me just now?”
“The kid cried,” Jared averted his gaze. “That made me - nervous.”
“Seriously?” Jensen snorted. “Why?”
“You tell me.” Jared gave him a pointed look.
Jensen’s smile faltered. Damn.
“He’s our kid, mine, but why does he unnerve me? I should be at ease with him, shouldn’t I?” Jared sounded desperate.
Jensen hesitated. He had to tread carefully here. “You loved him, Jared. It’s just this amnesia. You don’t remember loving me, either, do you?”
Jared didn’t answer him and the rest of the drive went in silence.
It was dark when they arrived at their destination, a deserted-looking place with ranch-style houses set far apart from each other by meadows and empty fields. Imogen Heap’s Wait It Out was playing softly from the CD changer and Jensen was tapping his finger to the beat of the song. He looked tired but calm, and his face had lost a bit of the pinched look that had been there since Jared first saw him at the hospital.
Looking at Jensen in the semi-darkness of the car, Jared was suddenly aware of this strange feeling inside of him, one that he couldn’t quite name, a feeling that made him want to believe that the man sitting beside him was indeed his husband. And he was also conscious of suddenly wanting to take Jensen into his arms, make him feel safe. Jared mentally shook himself, feeling ridiculous.
Jensen pulled up outside a house not much different from the rest. It was large with a spacious front yard surrounded by a high, wooden fence. He remembered Jensen telling him that the house belonged to his grandmother.
“Nice,” he said, looking around him, noting that there seemed to be no one around for miles.
“Yeah,” Jensen said shortly as he gathered Tristan in his arm and went to open the front door.
The house was shrouded in darkness. Jensen went from room to room, switching the lights on, his movements quick and confident and Jared felt that at least in this, Jensen wasn’t lying.
“Tristan will sleep with me in my room.” Jensen seemed to hesitate. “You don’t mind sleeping in the guest room, do you? Chris usually sleeps there -” Jared looked up when Jensen faltered.
“Chris? Who’s he? Someone I know?”
“Uh, s-sure. He’s a friend. A very good friend, Jared. You like him.”
“Really?” Jared wouldn’t have thought twice about this Chris except that Jensen sounded flustered. He looked at Jensen closely. “You never mentioned him before.”
“It just didn’t come up,” Jensen snapped and turned away.
“Jensen.”
“I - I need to put Tristan to bed. Go check the kitchen. Grandma usually leaves plenty of food in there.”
Yes. Grandma. Jared wondered where Grandma was. Or if there ever were a grandma in the first place.
Jared hobbled towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway, pushing the door open with his crutch before he realized that Jensen was inside.
Naked.
Fuck.
Jensen gasped as he turned around, fumbling for a towel and quickly wrapping it around his middle. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Why the hell didn’t you lock the door?” He shot back, his gaze lingering at Jensen’s bare chest, at his broad shoulders tapering down to a slim waist. Jared felt a stir of pleasure deep down in his belly. He closed the distance between them and slowly ran a hand up Jensen’s arm. Jensen was smooth and firm and warm and the tiny spark of desire quickly turned into a flare of heat racing through his body. “And why shouldn’t I be here?” He murmured. “I’m your husband, am I not? I want to know...” He bent a little, closing his eyes, nuzzling into the side of Jensen’s neck. “No, I need to know how much I used to love you.”
Jensen stood absolutely still, the pulse at his neck thrumming wildly under Jared’s lips. Jared flicked his tongue, getting a taste. He let his crutches fall and cupped Jensen’s face with his hands and tilting it upward, he brushed his lips against Jensen’s. Jensen’s eyes fluttered close and he parted his lips and their kiss grew deeper.
Jared rocked against Jensen, his hand going down to loosen Jensen’s towel. Turning, he leaned against the bathroom counter and grabbed Jensen’s perfect, round ass and lifted him up a little and Jared moaned as Jensen hooked a leg up around Jared’s hips, their hardness rubbing against each other, perfectly aligned, and Jared didn’t think that he had ever felt as good as he did now.
And just like that, they came, Jensen slick and naked against him, splashing all over the front of his shirt, and Jared into his pants.
And it was perfect.
