Fail Test #1 | [Video] | [English]

[is_not_a_moron]

[The communicator clicks on and there is a view of a metallic ball, with a big blue light in the center of it.]

[...]

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!

Haha! I managed to get out of space! I didn't even do anything, either! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!

You know, I was considering apologizing to that test subject, but you know what? I'm not going to do it

Comments

[totallygaaay]

[Blink. Blink.]

What ARE you?

[is_not_a_moron]

[He looks over at the communicator, surprised at the sight of a living human being.

Oh! Well... Hm..

[He twirls his blue eye/camera around a bit, pondering about the question.]

Well, I'm an AI, as you humans would call it. Specifically, I'm a personality construct.

[...]

Hey, you know it's great to see a human that can actually speak. Last time I interacted with one, she could only jump. Oh, the wonders brain damage can do... Heheh.

I must admit; this is the best thing ever.

[totallygaaay]

Oh! Cool! So, ya have your own personality or do ya have a split personality? I'm confused.

[He smirks at being called a human.]

Well, there are quite a few brain-damaged people in this place too... like Denmark. Don't let them fool ya!

Welcome to Fortuna, anyway!

I'm Tatsumi! I'm not too good with geography but I'll help the best I can!

xD He doesn't mean to be so dumb!

[is_not_a_moron]

No no no... I affect someone else´s personality...

[At this point, he realizes he'll start talking about how he's an "Intelligence Dampening Sphere" that is made to make GLaDOS dumber.}

...but that doesn't matter.

Hm? Oh yes, Danish are very dumb.

[He didn't really get it, since he's not aware of personified nations, so he's just gonna agree with you.]

You must have it wrong, we must be somewhere in Aperture Science.. Just somewhere I've never been.

[Video]

[luke_triton]

We speak English, you know--you don't need to talk like that!

[Luke is staring at the communicator and he looks slightly perplexed. Is he talking to a computer? And just for you, Wheatley, Luke has an English accent. They could both be from London! Except not, of course.]

You..are you a computer?

[Video]

[is_not_a_moron]

[Actually, Wheatley is from Michigan. Go figure.]

[He stares at the communicator, and lowers his eyelids a bit, showing some disappointment at the question.]

Well, it's fair. You're only human. I'm something like a computer, but MUCH MORE advanced. The most advanced there is, actually!

[Obviously, he's stretching the truth to sound smart.]

[Video]

[luke_triton]

[Don't mind Luke, Wheatley. He barely can handle the communicators.]

Most computers..don't talk...

[Video]

[is_not_a_moron]

[Wheatley can't really understand how anyone could say that, so they're sort of at opposite points.]

Hm? Maybe for a silly human brain, that would be true. Many of them speak, however!

[video | English]

[magicalgirloki]

If you did not doing anything yourself, then you can hardly claim responsability for your escape, now can you?

[video | English]

[is_not_a_moron]

[English accented robot is not pleased.]

What? What are you talking about? Of course I got out myself! How else would I have escaped space? Hm? Bet you can't answer that question!

[video | English]

[magicalgirloki]

Perhaps you were blown out of the air lock. [... Loki, have you been watching old human movies?]

Like space trash.

[video | English]

[is_not_a_moron]

[Oh ho! Wheatley didn't like that last comment.]

What?! I am NOT space trash! I'll have you know I'm wayyyyyyyyyy more superior than you!

I seriously thought the YEAAA was gonna have something to do with CSI. XD

[satellitemecha]

{You get this nice video clip of Yusei just staaaaaaring at you, which might be slightly fuzzy due to the fact that he's over in the (other) crazy city that shoots at people and has fucking bears.}

...You're an intelligent machine, aren't you? Are you new?

Yeah totally, Wheatley singing the CSI theme song xD

[is_not_a_moron]

[Wheatley shows amusement at this comment, after hearing the word "intelligent". He completely ignores the fact that he can barely see who's on the other side of the feed.]

Of course I am! Most intelligent there is! In fact, I've even managed to grow some wheels, all by myself

[Yeah, he totally ignored the second question.]

Yusei is speaking Japanese, btw.

[satellitemecha]

{...Alrighty then.}

I don't know how possible that is, but you seem to believe that...

Ah well, he'll be able to speak Japanese. xD GLaDOS can speak other languages so why not Wheatley?

[is_not_a_moron]

[He's just nodding his head now.]

I've always been capable of thing that I'm not aware of, you know. TWICE, have I done things that are deadly and not died! Want to see?

[manipul8mind]

{Like Yusei, Vriska is just gonna stare at you. Might be slightly less fuzzy, though.}

........What the fuck are you supposed to 8e?

[is_not_a_moron]

Oh man, I didn't think I'd get the same OBVIOUS question so many times.

I am an AI. A very smart one too.

[manipul8mind]

You don't look like any AI I've ever seen.

{Suspicious troll-girl is suspicious.}

And what the fuck are you doing in Discedo anyway? Are you working for the scientists or something?

[is_not_a_moron]

Well, you'll see many new things in your life. Especially here.

[He thinks he's in Aperture Science, where he worked, so you're totally gonna get confused.]

Oh, so this part is called Discedo... Quite nice, with all the apocalyptic scenery and all.

Why yes, I do work for them. I don't know where any of them have gone, though...

[Again, he thinks you're talking about Aperture.]