that one hurt. maybe after i starve myself into a size 8 and get a body lift so my boobs are perky again i can be cute enough to stalk people too ( Read more... )

Tonight was the first time in a year i strongly considered just driving into a tree at 80. The first time in a long time I wanted to make myself bleed. The first time in a long time that i had to remind myself that killing myself will kill my parents, the only people that somewhat love me ( Read more... )

28 years old. Almost 30 and I'm mostly a well adjusted adult. I've got a good job with the State, I've got a car, I've got credit cards, I have a great credit score, I've almost got an apartment. I learned to love myself. I learned to enjoy almost all of my skin. I've come to terms with what I don't love about myself. Basically the only thing I'm ( Read more... )

i fucking hate little redheads. there i said it. i hate them. they always end up with what i want. i want to eliminate them from the gene pool.
yes i am very bitter.

not sure which is worse, staying away or staying close.

This semi stagation of my life is really getting to me. im going in the right direction that much i know; but the process is taking its toll. i desperately need to get out o this house. the fighting is getting more and more frequent and being so far from everything is brutal. i dont get to see friends (the few i have) i have to carefuly plot out ( Read more... )

this is the most ive thought about suicide in months if not a year. i dont like it. i need a change.

just when i thought i knew where things stood and i was ok with it.
now of course i start the up all night feeling sick to my stomach thing.
i really need to hurry up and go to Seattle, one more year.

i should be mourning the loss of a wonderful person and fellow cat and black clothing lover. and dont get me wrong i am, but in light of recent conversation i once again wish i was a tiny cute thing insteady of this beast that only attracts weak men.
i feel selfish

Another night fighting my demons, another might with noone to talk to.
I hate being so alone.