I am very nervous. I've hardly prepared for the exam today. I'm such an idiot. I've just been so anxious for Carls email. I wonder if he remembers me at all. I don't know why it affects me so much. I feel so stupid. God, I wish he'd email me back. I'm such an idiot. Maybe I wrote a stupid mail. Maybe he thinks I'm horrible. Ack. I don't know wether ( Read more... )

I will leave for Amersfoort soon. Tomorrow I have my exams (wish me luck). I miss Carl. I emailed him. Every five minutes I check if he has replied yet. Oh well. I hope he remembers me, it's been a while...
yeah.

I never listen to Nirvana. How'd this get in my head? (sighs)
I was not productive today. That's not good as my orals start the day after tomorrow. (smacks self) I can't do anything right.
I'm noticing that trying to find my place in life is making me want to buy things compulsively. Somehow subconsciously I think that will help me. Is that stupid? I ( Read more... )

I've had it. If I'm not going to be productive today anyway, I might as well sleep.

I don't know what it is. Counting today, it's just three days untill my exams. I can't motivate myself to work. Perhaps it was Leon's email, I don't know. All I know that right now, my world is grey and wrong. I smell like ehtyl acetate. I want to cry but I want to understand also. But there's nothing there; nothing to cry about and nothing to ( Read more... )

Lioni has left the building

run run run run run run run run run

Right now I just can't tolerate people. Their trivial discussions aggravate me, their petty insults somehow crumble my defenses. Bottomline is: my oral exams are driving me insane. Let's face it, is there any other issue in my life right now not related to this one? Simple answer; no. In depth answer; perhaps. Or, to be more specific, perhaps it's ( Read more... )

At first, I wanted to use this site to vent during OD's restoration. I have my diary back alright, without any entries, notes, you name it. Everything is gone. I can't believe it. All my thoughts and feelings. I didn't even get a chance to download it. I don't know who to blame: the hacker who damaged the server, or the people trying to restore the ( Read more... )

suffer my desire
suffer my desire
suffer my desire
for you

I don't know what's troubling me. All I know is that I am not happy. Not happy at all. And I'm scared that that's not going to change when Marius gets back...