i keep having dreams about scott. this kind of weirds me out b/c i don't normally have dreams like these about people that i actually know or have been with. i also can't stop think about him, which bothers me b/c i know there is really no hope for anything (as always). plus, i am weirded out and feeling a bit slutty b/c i can't stop thinking ( Read more... )

i don't know what to do...i am confused in a million ways about a million things. and i feel like an asshole for a few of them when, really, there is only one thing that i truly think i should feel like an asshole over. but this thing and all of the people involved with everything just make my confusion deeper. every piece makes all of the other ( Read more... )

i feel like i might die or throw up. with friends like these, who needs friends?

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why did i look? everytime i look, i get upset. but this was the worst. i know better. it doesn't help that i'm exhausted and getting nervous about somethings. but i don't think it matters. that picture fucking kills. and i am an idiot. at least i hadn't seen it when i called or i might have not called. or i might have freaked out, sounded ( Read more... )

so things have gotten weirder since we had our talk and i'm getting worried. it has only been a couple of days but i've never seen him less besides when we were in different states. i know i came off angry, but i was just hurt and afraid of losing a friend. the best friend that i have ever had. i suppose that i should just leave things alone ( Read more... )

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i feel off. a weird kind of sad that i cannot place. there seems to be a distance, but from what, i am not sure. i don't think that it is home. i feel like something is missing. i feel like something is wrong. this makes me feel very small and very stupid.

so i'm back at purchase and majorly lonely b/c no one else is going to be here for a few days...i already totally miss my mom and she probably isn't even on her plane yet. i'm completely tired and i sort of feel like crying. i guess that i am just overwhelmed and it doesn't help that the guy next door is a total a-hole. not to mention the dicks ( Read more... )

so i'll be back in new york in a couple of days and for some reason that sort of freaks me out. i'm definitely excited about going back and seeing all of my favorite kids, but for some reason i don't exactly feel ready to leave...i think it might just be that i don't want to pack again. from hot to snow in a matter of twon days...ok, maybe not ( Read more... )