I'm wondering when the big idea plans are more trouble than they're worth. Money, money, money, and convenience. Get up. Continue doing things, but with enthusiasm instead of necessity. It'll be fine. Next week is the nearest thing to look forward to.

I'd forgotten the definitively heavy feeling that comes from a countdown to pack up and go. I'm remembering the sick stomach hurry up, no wait feeling, the what's the point in going out, the self pity Friday nights, the so much to do. There's the friendships that I can't help but categorize (who do I know who will be willing to do the required ( Read more... )

Mercurial weather, and yesterday I hurried home and made a big decision. Switching coasts, for real this time, for sure this time, and the numbers have too many digits. Make it work applies to my bank account, to my spending, to my ideas about the ideal of relocating to first the midwest and then the northwest. Fall and winter were for nonstop ( Read more... )

Tuesdays and black dogs. Late nights, lots of work. Is it the place or the people, my attitude or the environment. That drive seems like it never happened ( Read more... )

Never been so good at wait and see, and in the meantime, making things happen makes me closefisted and private (still holding the telephone close). Big plans, big ideas, less encouragement, but I've been needing it less. Been thinking about the behavioral changes of the past year, intense dislike of school I won't go into. Fuck, well fuck. ( Read more... )

well, this road trip. driving from south to other more northerly south (there's nothing so comforting as the appalachian (blue ridge smokey cumberland gap) mountains).

Patterns: black dogs most active first third of every Tuesday.

Later in the day, at least later in this day, there was news that brought more waiting but less resignation (which makes good news), a coonskin cap for a long drive, dice with cigarettes, junk food winnings.

Strongly considering going blonde at SGC, I mean, I've made worse choices.

Here is nothing but constant struggle to form things into words, so as to not have this mistaken for the usual discontent. It's concrete, this time, but I'm so uprepared for that that I'm certain it comes off as the usual hatred. You can't say I haven't been trying to make it work, but the expectation for effort given being effort returned ( Read more... )

back in town, and the pacific northwest has the two things i miss most about scenery (and well, not to mention!). we did a lot of lovely things, i'm thinking seriously about what it is i hate about here, my mouth still tastes like travel, and the smell inside my suitcase isn't my usual smell, so i closed it up fast to preserve it. i'm allowed to ( Read more... )

and while i don't really intend to say much about the sunset, it was certainly gorgeous over this strange skyline while i found a new (and real) shortcut to school from chamblee. it's wintry mixing, which usually makes me think of middle school dances. i hate time zones on nights when the reason i can't sleep is too pathetic to put into words. ( Read more... )