[Series] Secret Ramblings - Secret 03
Please don't kill me. You know who you are.
Title: Secret Ramblings
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong, Jaejoong/Yunho
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summery: Yoochun is always there for him.
A/N This is a series comprised of secrets. A collection of disjointed stories that have nothing in common but the fact that they all share a secret.
They sit on the hood of the car, gazing out into the flowing waters, sparkled with shimmering stars and enchanting moonlight.
The cool breeze brushes through their hair like gentle fingers and soothes the unbridled tension of their everyday life.
Soon, a deafening chorus of a phone intercepts their peace and Yoochun watches as Jaejoong looks at his screen, then silences it and slides it back into his pocket. "It's Yunho," he tells him, eyes staring into the abyss of unspoken promises, his mouth soft and cheeks sharp in the moonlight. He closes his arms around his chest in a protective embrace and the exhaustion seeps from his discouraged shoulders.
No one knows where they are, just that they're together.
Yoochun closes his eyes and fights the impending schedule that runs in his mind like movie reels, radio shows, tv appearances, dance practice, vocal training. It never ends, they never end and his bones whisper silent pleas to his fatigued muscles.
He wonders when it will stop, if it could ever just. Stop.
Even for a few moments, a breath of fresh air, a chance to heal, but no. They can't, so they sneak out, stow away into the merciless night when no one's looking.
Yoochun's phone sounds off and Jaejoong smiles hopelessly.
It's Junsu and he thinks for a moment, maybe he'll answer but cold ivory fingers cover his hand and pull them away. "They won't stop," he mutters deeply.
"Ten more minutes," he pleads and Yoochun sees the dying light reflected in his eyes.
He wants to take it away, always wants to take it away.
They lean into each other and listen to the soft melodies of rushing waves and murmuring winds for ten more minutes and wonder when they'll see the ocean and hear its call again.
Changmin sits on the couch as he studies. Yunho and Junsu are syncing their music and Jaejoong has his eyes closed, breathing through his mouth as he tries to get a few moments of rest before they film the last television appearance of the night. Yoochun slinks behind him and keeps his eyes on the other three. He moves unseen, too busy in their own world to notice.
Yoochun crouches low on his haunches and carefully brings a hand over Jaejoong's mouth.
"Don't say anything," he whispers and can feel the soft movement of a smile against his palm, "follow me," and slowly removes his hand.
When Jaejoong glances over his shoulder he doesn't speak but smiles and Yoochun thinks he would cure world hunger if he could keep it there forever.
He holds his hand as they sneak out. Their manager walks through the hall, phone pressed to his ear and his back is turned.
Yoochun stops abruptly and feels the gentle collision but before a cry can be made he holds his finger to his lips and Jaejoong buries his grin into his shoulder with excitement that strums in waves so strong Yoochun can feel them through his clothes.
As soon as the coast is clear he holds Jaejoong's hand tightly and they rush down the hall, pausing at the fork in the road that leads one path to the lobby and the other to the staircase.
He chooses the left, to the door hiding stairs that lead to the roof is and they run quickly making sure it doesn't slam shut and cause a racket.
"Where are we going?" Jaejoong asks behind him, his voice wired with excitement and Yoochun glances over his shoulder just briefly enough to catch the grin on his mouth.
"It's a surprise," is all he says and they run up the stairs, to the very top with nowhere else to go except through the ominous door that hides a world full of bright lights and freedom.
He lets Jaejoong out first and waits for it, when he sees it.
"Oh," Jaejoong breathes in and it's in awe and something sweet.
Yoochun grabs his hand and leads him out further onto the roof, through a maze of steel trappings and loud engines until they're exactly where he wants them to be.
"This is beautiful," Jaejoong turns to him and laughs, it sounds so carefree and light Yoochun forgets how hard they've all be working.
"I came up here earlier, nosing around," Yoochun walks closer to the ledge and looks out at the glistening skyline of Seoul, lights so bright it looks like a painting. "I wanted you to see it," he adds after a few moments of peace and Jaejoong eyes glitter against the spilling moonlight.
"Is that the bridge?" he points in the distance and Yoochun squints, missing his glasses. "God, everything looks amazing from here," Jaejoong presses his weight against the edge and looks down at the roaring streets filled with life they're too busy to experience.
Yoochun stands back and breathes in the air, closing his eyes for a second and it feels like he's free, the bindings unraveling around his taut shoulders, his duties sliding away into comfort he rarely understands.
When Jaejoong's arms come around him and they start to sway, Yoochun opens his eyes. "Do you think they'll notice if we never come down?" he asks a little too sadly a little too frail.
"For the moment, let's pretend it's just you and me," Yoochun holds his arms firmly in place and sighs happily when Jaejoong's chin rests carefully over his shoulder.
And for a moment they do, and it's them looking out into a beautiful world covered in night, where life is wonderful and simple and all they want to do, is exist.
Yoochun hears something shatter loudly, then Jaejoong yelling and Yunho yelling louder.
Changmin looks up from his book in mild curiosity and Junsu pulls the phone away from his ear. "What was that?" he asks to no one in particular.
There's another crash and Yoochun turns carefully on the couch, looking in the direction of the hallway.
"They're fighting again," Changmin states flatly and returns to his reading.
Yoochun keeps looking at the dark hallway and Junsu stands up, walking out the door mumbling curses under his breath to his brother.
"They're fighting more often," Changmin assesses from his seat on the chair while he continues to read; Yoochun turns back when nothing else comes from the room and he grabs the remote turning on the television. "Yunho's tired of Jaejoong's inability to show proper decorum and hold his tongue."
He doesn't want to get angry at Changmin so he doesn't respond, even when he can feel Changmin's eyes burning into him.
"Silence? Interesting," Changmin muses and Yoochun watches from the corners of his eye as he turns the page with a lick of his finger. "I expected you to defend him."
"It's not my business," Yoochun lies because his first instinct was to defend Jaejoong, they all say stupid things. They all let things slip, Jaejoong just has a slight tendency of doing it more often than the rest of them. If Yunho doesn't like it, he should address it to everyone, not, push Jaejoong into a corner and blame him when no one else is around.
After a few more minutes the slam of a door shakes the walls and Jaejoong storms out looking for blood. "Get your fucking feet off the chair," he yells ruthlessly at Changmin and grabs his keys. "I'm going out, tell that asshole when you see him," he snaps and Yoochun jumps to his feet running after him.
In the hallway Yoochun trips over Junsu who's watching Jaejoong's retreating form in concern, "Take Changmin and go talk to Yunho, I'll take care of Jaejoong," he instructs and Junsu nods getting to his feet.
He runs down the hall and squeezes into the elevator just as the doors are closing, like they do in action movies. Jaejoong looks furious, eyes glowing in anger; his pale cheeks flushed and his mouth is trembling in his rage.
"I swear to god, Yoochun, I was going to punch his fucking face," he seethes and Yoochun extends his hand out to him.
"You're too angry to drive right now," he offers, placating the situation. Jaejoong looks at him, his chest rising with heavy breaths and he hands them over.
"Get me the fuck out of here," he says and Yoochun nods.
They buy a bottle of tequila and drive to a deserted park.
Jaejoong's pale skin glows in the florescent light while he drinks from the bottle and Yoochun watches the steady movement of his throat. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't calm down," he takes it from his hands gingerly.
"I don't care," he mumbles using the back of his hand to wipe the wet trail along his chin.
They use their feet to push themselves on the swings and let the silent air comfort them. Jaejoong isn't mad anymore.
"We're puppets, Yoochun," Jaejoong's hands curl around the cold metal as he looks down at the swaying sand below him. "And Yunho's their mouthpiece." He sounds disgusted and grabs the bottle again, taking a long painful swig that makes his eyes tear up.
"And you're mad at him for it?" he asks carefully because he knows Jaejoong.
"Yes," he lies for a moment, then, as expected, sighs, "no," he answers truthfully.
Yoochun takes the bottle back and twists the cap on tightly. "Yunho's doing what they ask," Yoochun stops his swing before he gets himself dizzy and pulls at Jaejoong's chain to slow him down. "I'm sure he'll apologize when we get back."
He nods thoughtfully and lifts his face to the heavens, closing his eyes, "Lord give me strength," he pleads softly under his breath and Yoochun sees what's left of his anger slide from his features and all that's left looks wasted and sad. "It wasn't just about the talking," Jaejoong speaks and doesn't look at him.
Yoochun feels his stomach knotting at his tone. "What else?"
He bites his lips and slowly turns to look into Yoochun's eyes, "He thinks there's something going on between us," he answers and attempts a smile.
He didn't realize he was holding his breath, "well, that's just ridiculous."
Jaejoong doesn't look at him. "Yeah," he says softly and Yoochun tells himself that the softness in Jaejoong's voice is thoughtful more than emotional. It has to be.
He can't possibly agree with Yunho.
Though sometimes, Yoochun thinks he does, but the happiness it brings is soon darkened when he remembers, Jaejoong loves them all. Not just him.
Yoochun pulls back and swings hard into the night. He can hear Jaejoong's loud robust laughter and he smiles as he swings by.
He feels like he's flying.
And in the air he reminds himself again, over and over, hoping it will stop the ache in his heart, he loves them all, not just Jaejoong.
In the parking garage Yoochun watches Jaejoong sleep, he passed out some time on the road and knew he wouldn't be able to carry him in on his own unsteady feet so he watches him sleep instead.
He looks so soft when he's sleeping, young and delicate.
Yoochun thinks if he wasn't so scared of Jaejoong's waking up and looking at him weird, he would touch his face.
Trace the outline of his mouth, smooth down the winkles that crease his troubled forehead.
"Stop staring at me," Jaejoong smiles, eyes closed and Yoochun jumps terrified. He chuckles in his throat and slowly sits up, his eyes fluttering open with ease.
Yoochun grasps at his heart and pulls the keys out. "You asshole," he breathes and gets out walking around the car considering for just a moment to leave him by himself and maybe shout out the window, to the fans, directions on where to find Jaejoong in the garage.
But he doesn't, what he does do is yank him out by the precious hair all the girls seem to love. Jaejoong's probably too drunk to feel it as he stumbles out.
"I'm sorry," he's still laughing and it's slightly irritating, "you should've seen your face. It was priceless," he extends his arms out like a child and Yoochun hauls him against his body, throwing his arm around his shoulders.
"Shut up, Jaejoong," he warns with bite as they make their way into the apartment complex.
In the elevator Jaejoong's calmed down and is breathing sourly into his neck, curling his other arm around his shoulder in a tight embrace.
"Don't be mad," he whispers, his fingers playing with the hair at his neck, "sometimes I watch you sleep too," he confesses and Yoochun wonders if Jaejoong feels the chills riddling his entire body.
"You're only saying that to make me feel better," he grins lightly but his heart is doing jumping jacks in his chest and the air pressure in the elevator seems to be escaping, somehow he's feeling a little dizzy.
"Maybe you're right," he sighs and pulls away slowly as they come to a halt and the doors open.
Jaejoong leaves first.
Yoochun watches him walk away, a little unsteady but capable and steps after him.
He waits by the door for Yoochun, who's got the keys. He watches him unlock the door. Watching Yoochun's hand and Yoochun tries to not let his eyes affect him, the way they follow his movement or the way his breath sounds beside his ear.
"Thank you, Yoochun," Jaejoong whispers before he can turn the knob and Yoochun looks into eyes that are dark and red, emotional and soft. "You're always there for me," he leans in slowly, "I can always count on you," he voices softly and his face is only inches apart.
Yoochun can feel his chest seize and his breath stop. "I'm always here, Jaejoong," he answers.
And Jaejoong kisses him with a tender mouth and he tastes like tequila and something else, something sweet.
He knows he shouldn't, but he kisses back and when he feels Jaejoong's hand in his hair and the other cupping the small of his back he lets himself melt into him.
Because it's what he wants.
What he's wanted for a long time.
And it feels wonderful.
Yunho's waiting for them when they walk in, Jaejoong looks somewhat sober and his smile drops slowly.
"I need to talk to you," he tells them but Yoochun knows with a knife to his stomach that he means it for Jaejoong.
They look at each other and Jaejoong nods, Yoochun feels a little sick but Jaejoong squeezes his hand and walks to the couch, taking a seat.
"Good night, Yoochun," Yunho says but he's not looking at him and Yoochun knows he's been dismissed.
He walks through the living room and Jaejoong's head turns slowly, watching him.
They lock eyes for a brief moment and it's all that he needs before he turns the corner and stops. Waits by the wall and slides down.
He can hear them talking. Yunho's apologizing and he can't understand why his intonation seems genuine and yet stings at him.
Yoochun listens from his spot, listens to them, wanting to look, until he can't take it and his eyes move around the wall, where he can see them.
And his heart breaks.
He lies in bed looking out the window telling himself it was the alcohol.
He waits for him.
But he never comes.
Jaejoong finds him in the work room alone and Yoochun forgets the melody in his head.
"What are you doing?" he asks kindly and Yoochun looks over his shoulder. He's wearing one of Yunho's shirts.
It makes his eyes tear up.
"Nothing," he forces his mouth to speak.
Jaejoong pulls up a chair and Yoochun can smell Yunho.
He starts to cry silent tears.
"Play it for me," he asks softly and leans back in his chair.
Yoochun shakes his head and pulls his fingers from the keyboard. When Jaejoong touches his shoulder and gives it an encouraging squeeze he clamps his wet eyes shut.
"Please, Yoochun, play it for me," he asks again and because it's Jaejoong, he does.
The wind is blowing strong and Yoochun is cold.
"I'm sorry," Jaejoong tells him.
"For what?" he asks, taking another drag of his cigarette before burning it out on the cement.
He already knows but he wants to hear it from Jaejoong.
"Yoochun," he sounds pained and when he looks into his eyes, he can see it. It's shining so strong and he hates it.
Because for a moment he believed in him.
"Don't be sorry," he reaches out and Jaejoong moves in, hugging him, holding him tight in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, "you're my best friend," he whispers and slowly pulls away.
He doesn't say it.
"You're my best friend too," Yoochun turns back to the lonely night and presses against the cool metal of the balcony, "don't be sorry." He can't look at him because it hurts too much, "I'm not."
He hopes one day, Jaejoong won't be either.
Secret: You are my best friend in the world. I wish you would realize that I love you.
| Secret 02 - Changmin/Yoochun |
[Master Fic List]
Title: Secret Ramblings
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong, Jaejoong/Yunho
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summery: Yoochun is always there for him.
A/N This is a series comprised of secrets. A collection of disjointed stories that have nothing in common but the fact that they all share a secret.
They sit on the hood of the car, gazing out into the flowing waters, sparkled with shimmering stars and enchanting moonlight.
The cool breeze brushes through their hair like gentle fingers and soothes the unbridled tension of their everyday life.
Soon, a deafening chorus of a phone intercepts their peace and Yoochun watches as Jaejoong looks at his screen, then silences it and slides it back into his pocket. "It's Yunho," he tells him, eyes staring into the abyss of unspoken promises, his mouth soft and cheeks sharp in the moonlight. He closes his arms around his chest in a protective embrace and the exhaustion seeps from his discouraged shoulders.
No one knows where they are, just that they're together.
Yoochun closes his eyes and fights the impending schedule that runs in his mind like movie reels, radio shows, tv appearances, dance practice, vocal training. It never ends, they never end and his bones whisper silent pleas to his fatigued muscles.
He wonders when it will stop, if it could ever just. Stop.
Even for a few moments, a breath of fresh air, a chance to heal, but no. They can't, so they sneak out, stow away into the merciless night when no one's looking.
Yoochun's phone sounds off and Jaejoong smiles hopelessly.
It's Junsu and he thinks for a moment, maybe he'll answer but cold ivory fingers cover his hand and pull them away. "They won't stop," he mutters deeply.
"Ten more minutes," he pleads and Yoochun sees the dying light reflected in his eyes.
He wants to take it away, always wants to take it away.
They lean into each other and listen to the soft melodies of rushing waves and murmuring winds for ten more minutes and wonder when they'll see the ocean and hear its call again.
Changmin sits on the couch as he studies. Yunho and Junsu are syncing their music and Jaejoong has his eyes closed, breathing through his mouth as he tries to get a few moments of rest before they film the last television appearance of the night. Yoochun slinks behind him and keeps his eyes on the other three. He moves unseen, too busy in their own world to notice.
Yoochun crouches low on his haunches and carefully brings a hand over Jaejoong's mouth.
"Don't say anything," he whispers and can feel the soft movement of a smile against his palm, "follow me," and slowly removes his hand.
When Jaejoong glances over his shoulder he doesn't speak but smiles and Yoochun thinks he would cure world hunger if he could keep it there forever.
He holds his hand as they sneak out. Their manager walks through the hall, phone pressed to his ear and his back is turned.
Yoochun stops abruptly and feels the gentle collision but before a cry can be made he holds his finger to his lips and Jaejoong buries his grin into his shoulder with excitement that strums in waves so strong Yoochun can feel them through his clothes.
As soon as the coast is clear he holds Jaejoong's hand tightly and they rush down the hall, pausing at the fork in the road that leads one path to the lobby and the other to the staircase.
He chooses the left, to the door hiding stairs that lead to the roof is and they run quickly making sure it doesn't slam shut and cause a racket.
"Where are we going?" Jaejoong asks behind him, his voice wired with excitement and Yoochun glances over his shoulder just briefly enough to catch the grin on his mouth.
"It's a surprise," is all he says and they run up the stairs, to the very top with nowhere else to go except through the ominous door that hides a world full of bright lights and freedom.
He lets Jaejoong out first and waits for it, when he sees it.
"Oh," Jaejoong breathes in and it's in awe and something sweet.
Yoochun grabs his hand and leads him out further onto the roof, through a maze of steel trappings and loud engines until they're exactly where he wants them to be.
"This is beautiful," Jaejoong turns to him and laughs, it sounds so carefree and light Yoochun forgets how hard they've all be working.
"I came up here earlier, nosing around," Yoochun walks closer to the ledge and looks out at the glistening skyline of Seoul, lights so bright it looks like a painting. "I wanted you to see it," he adds after a few moments of peace and Jaejoong eyes glitter against the spilling moonlight.
"Is that the bridge?" he points in the distance and Yoochun squints, missing his glasses. "God, everything looks amazing from here," Jaejoong presses his weight against the edge and looks down at the roaring streets filled with life they're too busy to experience.
Yoochun stands back and breathes in the air, closing his eyes for a second and it feels like he's free, the bindings unraveling around his taut shoulders, his duties sliding away into comfort he rarely understands.
When Jaejoong's arms come around him and they start to sway, Yoochun opens his eyes. "Do you think they'll notice if we never come down?" he asks a little too sadly a little too frail.
"For the moment, let's pretend it's just you and me," Yoochun holds his arms firmly in place and sighs happily when Jaejoong's chin rests carefully over his shoulder.
And for a moment they do, and it's them looking out into a beautiful world covered in night, where life is wonderful and simple and all they want to do, is exist.
Yoochun hears something shatter loudly, then Jaejoong yelling and Yunho yelling louder.
Changmin looks up from his book in mild curiosity and Junsu pulls the phone away from his ear. "What was that?" he asks to no one in particular.
There's another crash and Yoochun turns carefully on the couch, looking in the direction of the hallway.
"They're fighting again," Changmin states flatly and returns to his reading.
Yoochun keeps looking at the dark hallway and Junsu stands up, walking out the door mumbling curses under his breath to his brother.
"They're fighting more often," Changmin assesses from his seat on the chair while he continues to read; Yoochun turns back when nothing else comes from the room and he grabs the remote turning on the television. "Yunho's tired of Jaejoong's inability to show proper decorum and hold his tongue."
He doesn't want to get angry at Changmin so he doesn't respond, even when he can feel Changmin's eyes burning into him.
"Silence? Interesting," Changmin muses and Yoochun watches from the corners of his eye as he turns the page with a lick of his finger. "I expected you to defend him."
"It's not my business," Yoochun lies because his first instinct was to defend Jaejoong, they all say stupid things. They all let things slip, Jaejoong just has a slight tendency of doing it more often than the rest of them. If Yunho doesn't like it, he should address it to everyone, not, push Jaejoong into a corner and blame him when no one else is around.
After a few more minutes the slam of a door shakes the walls and Jaejoong storms out looking for blood. "Get your fucking feet off the chair," he yells ruthlessly at Changmin and grabs his keys. "I'm going out, tell that asshole when you see him," he snaps and Yoochun jumps to his feet running after him.
In the hallway Yoochun trips over Junsu who's watching Jaejoong's retreating form in concern, "Take Changmin and go talk to Yunho, I'll take care of Jaejoong," he instructs and Junsu nods getting to his feet.
He runs down the hall and squeezes into the elevator just as the doors are closing, like they do in action movies. Jaejoong looks furious, eyes glowing in anger; his pale cheeks flushed and his mouth is trembling in his rage.
"I swear to god, Yoochun, I was going to punch his fucking face," he seethes and Yoochun extends his hand out to him.
"You're too angry to drive right now," he offers, placating the situation. Jaejoong looks at him, his chest rising with heavy breaths and he hands them over.
"Get me the fuck out of here," he says and Yoochun nods.
They buy a bottle of tequila and drive to a deserted park.
Jaejoong's pale skin glows in the florescent light while he drinks from the bottle and Yoochun watches the steady movement of his throat. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't calm down," he takes it from his hands gingerly.
"I don't care," he mumbles using the back of his hand to wipe the wet trail along his chin.
They use their feet to push themselves on the swings and let the silent air comfort them. Jaejoong isn't mad anymore.
"We're puppets, Yoochun," Jaejoong's hands curl around the cold metal as he looks down at the swaying sand below him. "And Yunho's their mouthpiece." He sounds disgusted and grabs the bottle again, taking a long painful swig that makes his eyes tear up.
"And you're mad at him for it?" he asks carefully because he knows Jaejoong.
"Yes," he lies for a moment, then, as expected, sighs, "no," he answers truthfully.
Yoochun takes the bottle back and twists the cap on tightly. "Yunho's doing what they ask," Yoochun stops his swing before he gets himself dizzy and pulls at Jaejoong's chain to slow him down. "I'm sure he'll apologize when we get back."
He nods thoughtfully and lifts his face to the heavens, closing his eyes, "Lord give me strength," he pleads softly under his breath and Yoochun sees what's left of his anger slide from his features and all that's left looks wasted and sad. "It wasn't just about the talking," Jaejoong speaks and doesn't look at him.
Yoochun feels his stomach knotting at his tone. "What else?"
He bites his lips and slowly turns to look into Yoochun's eyes, "He thinks there's something going on between us," he answers and attempts a smile.
He didn't realize he was holding his breath, "well, that's just ridiculous."
Jaejoong doesn't look at him. "Yeah," he says softly and Yoochun tells himself that the softness in Jaejoong's voice is thoughtful more than emotional. It has to be.
He can't possibly agree with Yunho.
Though sometimes, Yoochun thinks he does, but the happiness it brings is soon darkened when he remembers, Jaejoong loves them all. Not just him.
Yoochun pulls back and swings hard into the night. He can hear Jaejoong's loud robust laughter and he smiles as he swings by.
He feels like he's flying.
And in the air he reminds himself again, over and over, hoping it will stop the ache in his heart, he loves them all, not just Jaejoong.
In the parking garage Yoochun watches Jaejoong sleep, he passed out some time on the road and knew he wouldn't be able to carry him in on his own unsteady feet so he watches him sleep instead.
He looks so soft when he's sleeping, young and delicate.
Yoochun thinks if he wasn't so scared of Jaejoong's waking up and looking at him weird, he would touch his face.
Trace the outline of his mouth, smooth down the winkles that crease his troubled forehead.
"Stop staring at me," Jaejoong smiles, eyes closed and Yoochun jumps terrified. He chuckles in his throat and slowly sits up, his eyes fluttering open with ease.
Yoochun grasps at his heart and pulls the keys out. "You asshole," he breathes and gets out walking around the car considering for just a moment to leave him by himself and maybe shout out the window, to the fans, directions on where to find Jaejoong in the garage.
But he doesn't, what he does do is yank him out by the precious hair all the girls seem to love. Jaejoong's probably too drunk to feel it as he stumbles out.
"I'm sorry," he's still laughing and it's slightly irritating, "you should've seen your face. It was priceless," he extends his arms out like a child and Yoochun hauls him against his body, throwing his arm around his shoulders.
"Shut up, Jaejoong," he warns with bite as they make their way into the apartment complex.
In the elevator Jaejoong's calmed down and is breathing sourly into his neck, curling his other arm around his shoulder in a tight embrace.
"Don't be mad," he whispers, his fingers playing with the hair at his neck, "sometimes I watch you sleep too," he confesses and Yoochun wonders if Jaejoong feels the chills riddling his entire body.
"You're only saying that to make me feel better," he grins lightly but his heart is doing jumping jacks in his chest and the air pressure in the elevator seems to be escaping, somehow he's feeling a little dizzy.
"Maybe you're right," he sighs and pulls away slowly as they come to a halt and the doors open.
Jaejoong leaves first.
Yoochun watches him walk away, a little unsteady but capable and steps after him.
He waits by the door for Yoochun, who's got the keys. He watches him unlock the door. Watching Yoochun's hand and Yoochun tries to not let his eyes affect him, the way they follow his movement or the way his breath sounds beside his ear.
"Thank you, Yoochun," Jaejoong whispers before he can turn the knob and Yoochun looks into eyes that are dark and red, emotional and soft. "You're always there for me," he leans in slowly, "I can always count on you," he voices softly and his face is only inches apart.
Yoochun can feel his chest seize and his breath stop. "I'm always here, Jaejoong," he answers.
And Jaejoong kisses him with a tender mouth and he tastes like tequila and something else, something sweet.
He knows he shouldn't, but he kisses back and when he feels Jaejoong's hand in his hair and the other cupping the small of his back he lets himself melt into him.
Because it's what he wants.
What he's wanted for a long time.
And it feels wonderful.
Yunho's waiting for them when they walk in, Jaejoong looks somewhat sober and his smile drops slowly.
"I need to talk to you," he tells them but Yoochun knows with a knife to his stomach that he means it for Jaejoong.
They look at each other and Jaejoong nods, Yoochun feels a little sick but Jaejoong squeezes his hand and walks to the couch, taking a seat.
"Good night, Yoochun," Yunho says but he's not looking at him and Yoochun knows he's been dismissed.
He walks through the living room and Jaejoong's head turns slowly, watching him.
They lock eyes for a brief moment and it's all that he needs before he turns the corner and stops. Waits by the wall and slides down.
He can hear them talking. Yunho's apologizing and he can't understand why his intonation seems genuine and yet stings at him.
Yoochun listens from his spot, listens to them, wanting to look, until he can't take it and his eyes move around the wall, where he can see them.
And his heart breaks.
He lies in bed looking out the window telling himself it was the alcohol.
He waits for him.
But he never comes.
Jaejoong finds him in the work room alone and Yoochun forgets the melody in his head.
"What are you doing?" he asks kindly and Yoochun looks over his shoulder. He's wearing one of Yunho's shirts.
It makes his eyes tear up.
"Nothing," he forces his mouth to speak.
Jaejoong pulls up a chair and Yoochun can smell Yunho.
He starts to cry silent tears.
"Play it for me," he asks softly and leans back in his chair.
Yoochun shakes his head and pulls his fingers from the keyboard. When Jaejoong touches his shoulder and gives it an encouraging squeeze he clamps his wet eyes shut.
"Please, Yoochun, play it for me," he asks again and because it's Jaejoong, he does.
The wind is blowing strong and Yoochun is cold.
"I'm sorry," Jaejoong tells him.
"For what?" he asks, taking another drag of his cigarette before burning it out on the cement.
He already knows but he wants to hear it from Jaejoong.
"Yoochun," he sounds pained and when he looks into his eyes, he can see it. It's shining so strong and he hates it.
Because for a moment he believed in him.
"Don't be sorry," he reaches out and Jaejoong moves in, hugging him, holding him tight in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, "you're my best friend," he whispers and slowly pulls away.
He doesn't say it.
"You're my best friend too," Yoochun turns back to the lonely night and presses against the cool metal of the balcony, "don't be sorry." He can't look at him because it hurts too much, "I'm not."
He hopes one day, Jaejoong won't be either.
Secret: You are my best friend in the world. I wish you would realize that I love you.
| Secret 02 - Changmin/Yoochun |
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