[Mini-Series] Undeniable Sin - Part 04
Here it is. It's not great, but for some reason I had the toughest time write thing scene, I don't know why. I dislike it, but I'm overly judgmental and horribly critical of myself. Therefore, I hope you enjoy it!
I apologize for how long it's taken to write this.
Enjoy!
Title: Undeniable Sin
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin
Genre: Angst, Drama
Rating: PG
Warnings: Blood relative incest
Summary: Yoochun is unable to deny Changmin
The first night away is terrible.
It's difficult for Yoochun to sleep and all he can think, hear and see is Changmin.
His calls are whispered echoes that bounce against his ear drums in perilous rhythm, the devastated look in his eyes, the spilled tears glazed over his cheeks.
The first night away is terrible.
Junsu holds Yoochun's hand when he tells his parents about moving out the following morning. Somehow in some miraculous stroke of luck they agree to pay for his apartment, reeling with pride that he's finally decided to become an adult. If they knew the real reason of his escape he knows they would be less willing to extend their fortune.
"You have to keep your grades up, Yoochun," his mother tells him kindly.
"You need to get a job for little expenses like food and clothes," his father suggests but Yoochun knows they'll give him as much as he needs, especially if it will interfere with his studies.
He doesn't want to ask them if Changmin is there and doesn't even get a chance before he can hear his deep voice penetrating through the wire, raising his skin in chills. Even away from him, where Changmin doesn't know where he is, he has power over him.
And it scares him.
"When are you coming back?" he asks.
Yoochun looks over at Junsu, and slides his hand out, "I'm not coming back," he says softly looking at the floor. Junsu already knows who he's speaking with its painted across face.
"When are you coming back?" Changmin asks a little more desperately and Yoochun stands up and walks out of the living room into the bathroom where he can be alone and away from the judging gaze of his friend.
"Changmin, I'm not-"
"When are you coming back?" he whispers, pleads and Yoochun can feel the burden of his car keys heavy in his pocket.
"I'm not, Changmin. I'm not coming back."
"Hyung," he cries softly and Yoochun doesn't think he can take it. "Please," he begs and Yoochun's fingers find the keys in his jeans and his heart is telling him to leave now. Leave and go to him. Comfort him. Love him.
But his brain stops him.
And the fear and horror remind him of what Changmin is trying to do.
He's calling to him, beckoning in that impassive manipulative way that makes Yoochun forget his place. That seems to magically erase the bad and replace it with mortal pleasures.
"Changmin," he speaks, gaining control of himself, trying to remember why he's left in the first place. "I can't go back," he tells him and wishes he would just understand, if he could only see it how it's not supposed to be like this.
"Come home, Hyung," he asks softly, pleadingly and he sounds too young, too innocent and too much like he knows exactly what he has to say to get Yoochun running back to him. "I need to see you."
He wants to go to him, run out of the house just to go to him and comfort him. But he can't. And he won't. Not anymore. Not if he wants save himself.
"Please try to understand," he tells him with all the strength in his heart, "Changmin, I can't."
"I need you," he whispers so softly it's sinful.
And it breaks his heart, tearing it like shreds in his chest. "I have to go," he tells him and he thinks he's crying.
"I need you, Hyung," Changmin whispers one more time before Yoochun tells him goodbye and hangs up.
Junsu is still sitting on the couch when Yoochun emerges from the bathroom, wiping at his eyes. He looks at him sympathetically and takes his hand, filling him with warmth and comfort he so desperately needs. But he feels empty.
"I know it's hard," Junsu says strongly, his fingers tightening around his as he pulls him into a hug.
He has no idea what this kind of pain feels like Yoochun thinks as he leans into him and starts crying.
Yoochun skips classes and heads home. He knows if he's going to get his things he needs to do it while Changmin is still in school. He won't have to see him and it will make the move easier if he doesn't have to look into his eyes as he's packing and leaving him.
Jaejoong offers to help him and recruits his new boyfriend to come as well.
"Where do you want me to put the boxes?" Yunho asks nicely as he wipes his brow with the back of his hand. He's handsome and tall, strong and much more of a help than expected, considering Jaejoong is mostly lying on the bed looking through pictures and being no help at all.
"Just set them aside," he tells him and thanks him with a smile.
"I remember this one," Jaejoong leans up on his elbows, extending a picture Yoochun recognizes from a trip they took to the beach. "It was fun," he smiles beautifully and Yoochun tries not to strangle him.
"You're supposed to be helping," Yoochun reminds him and Jaejoong laughs rolling to his feet. "And don't you think it's inappropriate to talk about things we've done in front of your new boyfriend?" he asks him in hushed tones.
"We're not really together," Yunho who obviously hears them, speaks up as he's throwing clothes into a box. Jaejoong looks at him and Yoochun thinks he's glaring.
"He doesn't want to commit," he mutters and starts shuffling though more pictures, "I find it irritating," he adds.
Yoochun finds himself laughing and Yunho soon joins in while it only seems to irritate Jaejoong further into a fierce pout of epic proportions.
"That's a little ironic." Yoochun finishes taping up another box. "I'd expect you to be a little more understanding, Jaejoong," he gives him a wink and sets it down with the growing pile.
Yunho walks over to Jaejoong and leans down, giving him a kiss that makes Yoochun a little jealous, "You don't want a boyfriend," he tells Jaejoong and it sounds like he's reminding him. "Neither do I," he adds and kisses him one more time.
Yoochun tries not to throw up even though he thinks it's ridiculously cute and it makes him wish, although a little sadly, that he had someone like that in his life.
But he does.
He just wishes it was someone who wasn't his brother.
It reminds him how much he misses him.
How desperately he wants to see him.
Even for a just a moment, though, Yoochun knows it's a very very bad idea. He can't honestly promise to stop himself if he saw Changmin again.
"Are you dating anyone?" Yunho asks, ripping Yoochun from his thoughts, as he starts removing items from the drawers and throws them into another empty box.
His heart wants to saw yes, but it would be a lie because he's not dating anyone. Kissing his brother and doing other more inappropriate things with him doesn't mean their dating. They're brothers.
Though Yoochun thinks sometimes, when he's lying in bed, how it would be if he were dating Changmin; if he didn't have to worry about it anything and it was ok and not damning him into an afterlife of hell.
But then the reality strikes him and he knows he would hate himself.
That he should hate himself for even thinking about it.
"No," Yoochun answers kneeling on the floor as he starts to remove the items from under his bed.
Jaejoong smiles at him with pretty lips. "Yoochun likes commitment," Jaejoong finally starts doing something other than being useless and Yunho glances over at Yoochun with a charming grin.
"You're cute," he winks and Yoochun blushes.
"Are you seriously hitting on my friend right in front of me, you asshole?" Jaejoong looks offended in that not really offended but annoyed kind of way.
They laugh and it seems to annoy Jaejoong more.
"I'm going to make a sandwich," he bites at them and heads out of the room.
"He's really a good guy," Yoochun tells Yunho as he starts making a box to put random, useless items he hasn't any need for but can't seem to part with.
Yunho nods and glances at the door for a moment, as if he can still see Jaejoong there. "If I tell him I don't want to commit, he'll want me more," he confesses with a charming grin, "guys like Jaejoong always want what they can't have," he sighs and although Yoochun thinks it's terrible, it makes perfect sense. In the few short hours they've spent together Jaejoong has been almost unrecognizable, catering to Yunho in ways Yoochun has never seen before.
"So then you really do want to be with him?" he asks reaching further under the bed for the last book. Yunho opens another drawer and looks a little thoughtful as he collects Yoochun's belongings.
It looks like he's considering his words very carefully, "I want Jaejoong to be with me because he wants to," he says as he places folded shirts in the opened box. "I think Jaejoong likes the challenge," he adds, "he likes that I'm not giving in to him, he wants me to give in and I've been through enough relationships to know when I'm being played," he glances over at him and smiles handsomely, "I've played this game far too many times myself," he says and turns back to his work.
Yoochun thinks Yunho is smart and deep down knows Jaejoong is aware of it. When he and Jaejoong were together, he wasn't smart enough to play games, he wanted something more and Jaejoong was unwilling to give it and he never blamed him for it because he knew from the beginning that it was all about him. All about Jaejoong and the conquest, once he had him, it was the beginning of the end.
But he also remembers there were good times. Jaejoong, although narcissistic and an egomaniac, did truly care as much as he could while they were together. They had plenty of sweet and honest moments when Yoochun believed, if Jaejoong could give up his ways, they would be happy. "He likes cheesecake," Yoochun says taping down the box between his knees.
Yunho turns and his eyes are curious. "Excuse me?"
Yoochun smiles to himself, "When you're ready to commit and he stops being an idiot. He likes cheesecake," he slides the box aside and rests his back against the bed.
Yunho doesn't say anything for a few moments and finally nods. "I'll remember that," he smiles and continues on.
Yoochun grabs another box and he can hear Jaejoong messing around downstairs, hoping for his safety that he doesn't disorganize his mother's precious kitchen.
"So, Jaejoong told me you have a good looking brother," Yunho says suddenly and Yoochun's head whips up in his direction.
He feels a sort of jealousy and he can't fully understand why.
"Did he?" Yoochun says, feeling himself flush at the thought of Changmin, his warm skin, the tender touch, his soft lips.
It almost seems as if it's been too long since he's held him in his arms, tasted his mouth, fallen into his trance.
He feels the heat flame against his neck as he starts pulling out his belongs from the night stand.
"Don't worry, I've never had a taste for jailbait," he smiles easily and Yoochun tries not to remember the look in Changmin's eyes when he came in his hand.
They're almost done, no thanks to Jaejoong when he appears again, a satisfied smile on his face and three sandwiches on a plate. "I thought you two could use a break," he waltzes in and hands Yunho the first sandwich. After a very purposely long thank you kiss, which has Yoochun blushing, he turns his eyes to him. "And I found someone trolling around down stairs," he sets the plate on the empty chest of drawers and disappears again.
Yunho turns to Yoochun who looks just as baffled until his eyes fall on Jaejoong again, who's pulling someone inside.
It's Changmin.
And he's a sight to behold.
Yoochun can feel the air rush from his lungs as he collapses to the floor, his head light in the sight of Changmin's evident hesitation.
"Didn't I tell you he was hot?" Jaejoong laughs and Yoochun finds Yunho staring at him.
At Changmin.
His Changmin.
"Hyung," he whispers, standing awkwardly by the door, his eyes lowered and he looks innocent and passive, sinfully deliciously and he knows by the expressions on the others faces, they see it too.
Jaejoong looks between them. "I thought he could help," he smiles and Yoochun can't even hear him.
"Changmin," he speaks and meets soft painful eyes that penetrate past the solid strength of his soul. "No," he shakes his head and Changmin lowers his eyes again.
He can feel the heat of Yunho and Jaejoong's gaze on his cheeks as Jaejoong begins to speak again. "I just thought-"
Yoochun somehow finds strength in his legs to stand and he walks to Changmin who leans in immediately and moves forward into his space.
He grabs Yoochun's hand in a vice-like grip.
It's like fire against his skin and his heart speeds up at the mere connection.
"Take a break, Yunho," Yoochun looks at him and he nods with a smile, he then turns his eyes on Jaejoong, "And you, stop being so useless," he points at Jaejoong who blinks quite adorningly. "Stay off the bed. I'll be back," he mutters and pulls Changmin down the hall towards his room.
He doesn't speak until he's behind the door and it's locked, securing them in the sanctuary of four walls.
It feels as if he hasn't seen him in years, but he looks the same, tall and handsome. He's insatiably alluring and Yoochun's missed it.
No matter how often he tries to stop it, the need of him, the desire for him, he can't.
He tosses Changmin's hand away and walks to the other side of the room, where the afternoon sun filters in through the blinds like slips of golden light. "Why aren't you in school?" he asks him and sees him take a step in his direction. "Stay there," he orders and Changmin nods.
"I ditched," he answers softly, biting his lip, looking ashamed. "Umma told me you'd be coming over today," he admits and his voice falls away. He's fidgeting. When he meets Yoochun's eyes it takes his breath away. "I needed to see you," he whispers and Yoochun groans in his throat.
"Stop it," he shakes his head and Changmin takes a step closer. He can feel the swell of hunger consume him.
"You can't leave," he takes another step and Yoochun falls back. Changmin's eyes are shining and he can feel the desire in them and it's like a spell.
He flushes.
"I need you, Hyung, don't you understand that?" and it sounds like he's purring.
Yoochun backs against the wall and Changmin is standing in front of him.
He wants to scream.
His eyes are frantic as they look around the room, but they always come back to him. To Changmin, who's moving closer and closer.
"You can't leave," he breathes and Yoochun can feel it against his mouth. "What am I going to do without you?" he licks his lips, eyes hooded and no more is innocence painted across his cheeks.
He can feel the walls closing in and Yoochun presses his hands to Changmin's chest, pushing him away. "I told you to stop it," he steps around him quickly, just to get away from his heat. He runs his hands through his hair, wishing the rampant beat of his heart could just slow down for a moment so he can breathe.
But then Changmin talks again and it's deep and penetrating, "Stop needing you?" he asks him. "Stop wanting you?"
Yoochun turns around, afraid to look into his eyes.
He can hear him moving closer again. "You want me to stop loving you?" he questions softly.
Yoochun's blood runs hot through his body, his skin tingling, it messes with his head and he stumbles a bit on jelly legs to move away but Changmin's so close it feels like an invisible rope pulling him closer. "Don't say that."
Changmin frowns and he looks soft and sad. "I can't do that, Hyung," he bites his lip gently and Yoochun feels his spine melting.
"Changmin," he whispers pleadingly but Changmin's hands wrap around him, his fingers sliding along his back, holding him, pressing against his body. He's warm and precious, smells like faint cologne.
"Please don't do this, Yoochun, please," he begs softly, so sweetly Yoochun shivers. "Whatever you want, I'll do it," he breathes into his neck, the soft caress of his lips sizzling against his skin.
Yoochun tenses and grabs Changmin's wandering hands, stepping back, looking into his broken eyes that glitter dangerously lose to tears. "I want you to stay away from me," it almost sounds like he's someone else, with a different voice. He moves back again and Changmin's chins quivers slightly.
"Hyung-"
Yoochun slides his hands away from his wrists and his heart is breaking. "I'm leaving now," he takes a step back and Changmin watches him silently. "Stay in here until I'm gone," he's almost to the door and he can see Changmin close to his breaking point, standing still, his emotion rosy on his cheeks, wet around his lashes. "That's what I want."
And he's almost out, almost free when he feels Changmin pull him back and wrap his arms from behind him and he's crying.
He hasn't seen Changmin cry in years.
"Stop crying," he says and again, it's not the voice he recognizes because if it were really him he would turn around and hold him. Wipe the tears from his eyes and kiss his pain away. The kind of kiss that would leave him feeling like a true brother.
But he can't trust himself to feel that way anymore. He wants to kiss him, he wants to hold him, he wants to wipe the tears from his eyes, but it would be different now.
Because now he wants Changmin, more so than he wants to help him.
"Stay just for tonight," Changmin asks wetly, tightening his arms leaving Yoochun breathless.
"Changmin, let me go," he tries to pull away but his strength is unyielding and the longer he feels his arms around his body, Yoochun wants to stay in them.
"Please," Changmin presses his cheek against his shoulder blade and they breathe as one. "Then you can leave, I promise," his voice is weak and slathered in desperation. "I won't stop you."
He knows he shouldn't, the voice in his mind is yelling at him to run away but the cry in heart wants to stay.
And he's always followed his heart, no matter where it leads him.
Yoochun takes a deep, penitent breath and turns around in Changmin's arms and he finally holds him, the way he's wanted to and Changmin melts perfectly into his embrace. "Don't cry, Changmin," he whispers and weaves his fingers through Changmin's hair soothingly.
He should've known not to come back. He should've been smarter.
He knows Junsu would be disappointed in him but if he doesn't, Changmin would be devastated and the idea of that seems more painful.
So he agrees and wonders when his conscience deserted him.
Yoochun sends Jaejoong and Yunho home, thanking Yunho profusely for all his help. He shoves Jaejoong out the door without a word and locks it. He can hear Yunho laughing as he leans against the door trying to catch his breath.
His eyes travel towards the staircase, following a blocked trail to Changmin's room where Changmin is waiting for him.
There's a moment of flight that comes to him, where he seriously considers leaving himself, just grabbing his keys and taking off, without Changmin knowing, but it disappears almost as quickly as it comes.
Because he wants to stay, even if it’s the last time.
| 03 |
[Master Fic List]
I apologize for how long it's taken to write this.
Enjoy!
Title: Undeniable Sin
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin
Genre: Angst, Drama
Rating: PG
Warnings: Blood relative incest
Summary: Yoochun is unable to deny Changmin
The first night away is terrible.
It's difficult for Yoochun to sleep and all he can think, hear and see is Changmin.
His calls are whispered echoes that bounce against his ear drums in perilous rhythm, the devastated look in his eyes, the spilled tears glazed over his cheeks.
The first night away is terrible.
Junsu holds Yoochun's hand when he tells his parents about moving out the following morning. Somehow in some miraculous stroke of luck they agree to pay for his apartment, reeling with pride that he's finally decided to become an adult. If they knew the real reason of his escape he knows they would be less willing to extend their fortune.
"You have to keep your grades up, Yoochun," his mother tells him kindly.
"You need to get a job for little expenses like food and clothes," his father suggests but Yoochun knows they'll give him as much as he needs, especially if it will interfere with his studies.
He doesn't want to ask them if Changmin is there and doesn't even get a chance before he can hear his deep voice penetrating through the wire, raising his skin in chills. Even away from him, where Changmin doesn't know where he is, he has power over him.
And it scares him.
"When are you coming back?" he asks.
Yoochun looks over at Junsu, and slides his hand out, "I'm not coming back," he says softly looking at the floor. Junsu already knows who he's speaking with its painted across face.
"When are you coming back?" Changmin asks a little more desperately and Yoochun stands up and walks out of the living room into the bathroom where he can be alone and away from the judging gaze of his friend.
"Changmin, I'm not-"
"When are you coming back?" he whispers, pleads and Yoochun can feel the burden of his car keys heavy in his pocket.
"I'm not, Changmin. I'm not coming back."
"Hyung," he cries softly and Yoochun doesn't think he can take it. "Please," he begs and Yoochun's fingers find the keys in his jeans and his heart is telling him to leave now. Leave and go to him. Comfort him. Love him.
But his brain stops him.
And the fear and horror remind him of what Changmin is trying to do.
He's calling to him, beckoning in that impassive manipulative way that makes Yoochun forget his place. That seems to magically erase the bad and replace it with mortal pleasures.
"Changmin," he speaks, gaining control of himself, trying to remember why he's left in the first place. "I can't go back," he tells him and wishes he would just understand, if he could only see it how it's not supposed to be like this.
"Come home, Hyung," he asks softly, pleadingly and he sounds too young, too innocent and too much like he knows exactly what he has to say to get Yoochun running back to him. "I need to see you."
He wants to go to him, run out of the house just to go to him and comfort him. But he can't. And he won't. Not anymore. Not if he wants save himself.
"Please try to understand," he tells him with all the strength in his heart, "Changmin, I can't."
"I need you," he whispers so softly it's sinful.
And it breaks his heart, tearing it like shreds in his chest. "I have to go," he tells him and he thinks he's crying.
"I need you, Hyung," Changmin whispers one more time before Yoochun tells him goodbye and hangs up.
Junsu is still sitting on the couch when Yoochun emerges from the bathroom, wiping at his eyes. He looks at him sympathetically and takes his hand, filling him with warmth and comfort he so desperately needs. But he feels empty.
"I know it's hard," Junsu says strongly, his fingers tightening around his as he pulls him into a hug.
He has no idea what this kind of pain feels like Yoochun thinks as he leans into him and starts crying.
Yoochun skips classes and heads home. He knows if he's going to get his things he needs to do it while Changmin is still in school. He won't have to see him and it will make the move easier if he doesn't have to look into his eyes as he's packing and leaving him.
Jaejoong offers to help him and recruits his new boyfriend to come as well.
"Where do you want me to put the boxes?" Yunho asks nicely as he wipes his brow with the back of his hand. He's handsome and tall, strong and much more of a help than expected, considering Jaejoong is mostly lying on the bed looking through pictures and being no help at all.
"Just set them aside," he tells him and thanks him with a smile.
"I remember this one," Jaejoong leans up on his elbows, extending a picture Yoochun recognizes from a trip they took to the beach. "It was fun," he smiles beautifully and Yoochun tries not to strangle him.
"You're supposed to be helping," Yoochun reminds him and Jaejoong laughs rolling to his feet. "And don't you think it's inappropriate to talk about things we've done in front of your new boyfriend?" he asks him in hushed tones.
"We're not really together," Yunho who obviously hears them, speaks up as he's throwing clothes into a box. Jaejoong looks at him and Yoochun thinks he's glaring.
"He doesn't want to commit," he mutters and starts shuffling though more pictures, "I find it irritating," he adds.
Yoochun finds himself laughing and Yunho soon joins in while it only seems to irritate Jaejoong further into a fierce pout of epic proportions.
"That's a little ironic." Yoochun finishes taping up another box. "I'd expect you to be a little more understanding, Jaejoong," he gives him a wink and sets it down with the growing pile.
Yunho walks over to Jaejoong and leans down, giving him a kiss that makes Yoochun a little jealous, "You don't want a boyfriend," he tells Jaejoong and it sounds like he's reminding him. "Neither do I," he adds and kisses him one more time.
Yoochun tries not to throw up even though he thinks it's ridiculously cute and it makes him wish, although a little sadly, that he had someone like that in his life.
But he does.
He just wishes it was someone who wasn't his brother.
It reminds him how much he misses him.
How desperately he wants to see him.
Even for a just a moment, though, Yoochun knows it's a very very bad idea. He can't honestly promise to stop himself if he saw Changmin again.
"Are you dating anyone?" Yunho asks, ripping Yoochun from his thoughts, as he starts removing items from the drawers and throws them into another empty box.
His heart wants to saw yes, but it would be a lie because he's not dating anyone. Kissing his brother and doing other more inappropriate things with him doesn't mean their dating. They're brothers.
Though Yoochun thinks sometimes, when he's lying in bed, how it would be if he were dating Changmin; if he didn't have to worry about it anything and it was ok and not damning him into an afterlife of hell.
But then the reality strikes him and he knows he would hate himself.
That he should hate himself for even thinking about it.
"No," Yoochun answers kneeling on the floor as he starts to remove the items from under his bed.
Jaejoong smiles at him with pretty lips. "Yoochun likes commitment," Jaejoong finally starts doing something other than being useless and Yunho glances over at Yoochun with a charming grin.
"You're cute," he winks and Yoochun blushes.
"Are you seriously hitting on my friend right in front of me, you asshole?" Jaejoong looks offended in that not really offended but annoyed kind of way.
They laugh and it seems to annoy Jaejoong more.
"I'm going to make a sandwich," he bites at them and heads out of the room.
"He's really a good guy," Yoochun tells Yunho as he starts making a box to put random, useless items he hasn't any need for but can't seem to part with.
Yunho nods and glances at the door for a moment, as if he can still see Jaejoong there. "If I tell him I don't want to commit, he'll want me more," he confesses with a charming grin, "guys like Jaejoong always want what they can't have," he sighs and although Yoochun thinks it's terrible, it makes perfect sense. In the few short hours they've spent together Jaejoong has been almost unrecognizable, catering to Yunho in ways Yoochun has never seen before.
"So then you really do want to be with him?" he asks reaching further under the bed for the last book. Yunho opens another drawer and looks a little thoughtful as he collects Yoochun's belongings.
It looks like he's considering his words very carefully, "I want Jaejoong to be with me because he wants to," he says as he places folded shirts in the opened box. "I think Jaejoong likes the challenge," he adds, "he likes that I'm not giving in to him, he wants me to give in and I've been through enough relationships to know when I'm being played," he glances over at him and smiles handsomely, "I've played this game far too many times myself," he says and turns back to his work.
Yoochun thinks Yunho is smart and deep down knows Jaejoong is aware of it. When he and Jaejoong were together, he wasn't smart enough to play games, he wanted something more and Jaejoong was unwilling to give it and he never blamed him for it because he knew from the beginning that it was all about him. All about Jaejoong and the conquest, once he had him, it was the beginning of the end.
But he also remembers there were good times. Jaejoong, although narcissistic and an egomaniac, did truly care as much as he could while they were together. They had plenty of sweet and honest moments when Yoochun believed, if Jaejoong could give up his ways, they would be happy. "He likes cheesecake," Yoochun says taping down the box between his knees.
Yunho turns and his eyes are curious. "Excuse me?"
Yoochun smiles to himself, "When you're ready to commit and he stops being an idiot. He likes cheesecake," he slides the box aside and rests his back against the bed.
Yunho doesn't say anything for a few moments and finally nods. "I'll remember that," he smiles and continues on.
Yoochun grabs another box and he can hear Jaejoong messing around downstairs, hoping for his safety that he doesn't disorganize his mother's precious kitchen.
"So, Jaejoong told me you have a good looking brother," Yunho says suddenly and Yoochun's head whips up in his direction.
He feels a sort of jealousy and he can't fully understand why.
"Did he?" Yoochun says, feeling himself flush at the thought of Changmin, his warm skin, the tender touch, his soft lips.
It almost seems as if it's been too long since he's held him in his arms, tasted his mouth, fallen into his trance.
He feels the heat flame against his neck as he starts pulling out his belongs from the night stand.
"Don't worry, I've never had a taste for jailbait," he smiles easily and Yoochun tries not to remember the look in Changmin's eyes when he came in his hand.
They're almost done, no thanks to Jaejoong when he appears again, a satisfied smile on his face and three sandwiches on a plate. "I thought you two could use a break," he waltzes in and hands Yunho the first sandwich. After a very purposely long thank you kiss, which has Yoochun blushing, he turns his eyes to him. "And I found someone trolling around down stairs," he sets the plate on the empty chest of drawers and disappears again.
Yunho turns to Yoochun who looks just as baffled until his eyes fall on Jaejoong again, who's pulling someone inside.
It's Changmin.
And he's a sight to behold.
Yoochun can feel the air rush from his lungs as he collapses to the floor, his head light in the sight of Changmin's evident hesitation.
"Didn't I tell you he was hot?" Jaejoong laughs and Yoochun finds Yunho staring at him.
At Changmin.
His Changmin.
"Hyung," he whispers, standing awkwardly by the door, his eyes lowered and he looks innocent and passive, sinfully deliciously and he knows by the expressions on the others faces, they see it too.
Jaejoong looks between them. "I thought he could help," he smiles and Yoochun can't even hear him.
"Changmin," he speaks and meets soft painful eyes that penetrate past the solid strength of his soul. "No," he shakes his head and Changmin lowers his eyes again.
He can feel the heat of Yunho and Jaejoong's gaze on his cheeks as Jaejoong begins to speak again. "I just thought-"
Yoochun somehow finds strength in his legs to stand and he walks to Changmin who leans in immediately and moves forward into his space.
He grabs Yoochun's hand in a vice-like grip.
It's like fire against his skin and his heart speeds up at the mere connection.
"Take a break, Yunho," Yoochun looks at him and he nods with a smile, he then turns his eyes on Jaejoong, "And you, stop being so useless," he points at Jaejoong who blinks quite adorningly. "Stay off the bed. I'll be back," he mutters and pulls Changmin down the hall towards his room.
He doesn't speak until he's behind the door and it's locked, securing them in the sanctuary of four walls.
It feels as if he hasn't seen him in years, but he looks the same, tall and handsome. He's insatiably alluring and Yoochun's missed it.
No matter how often he tries to stop it, the need of him, the desire for him, he can't.
He tosses Changmin's hand away and walks to the other side of the room, where the afternoon sun filters in through the blinds like slips of golden light. "Why aren't you in school?" he asks him and sees him take a step in his direction. "Stay there," he orders and Changmin nods.
"I ditched," he answers softly, biting his lip, looking ashamed. "Umma told me you'd be coming over today," he admits and his voice falls away. He's fidgeting. When he meets Yoochun's eyes it takes his breath away. "I needed to see you," he whispers and Yoochun groans in his throat.
"Stop it," he shakes his head and Changmin takes a step closer. He can feel the swell of hunger consume him.
"You can't leave," he takes another step and Yoochun falls back. Changmin's eyes are shining and he can feel the desire in them and it's like a spell.
He flushes.
"I need you, Hyung, don't you understand that?" and it sounds like he's purring.
Yoochun backs against the wall and Changmin is standing in front of him.
He wants to scream.
His eyes are frantic as they look around the room, but they always come back to him. To Changmin, who's moving closer and closer.
"You can't leave," he breathes and Yoochun can feel it against his mouth. "What am I going to do without you?" he licks his lips, eyes hooded and no more is innocence painted across his cheeks.
He can feel the walls closing in and Yoochun presses his hands to Changmin's chest, pushing him away. "I told you to stop it," he steps around him quickly, just to get away from his heat. He runs his hands through his hair, wishing the rampant beat of his heart could just slow down for a moment so he can breathe.
But then Changmin talks again and it's deep and penetrating, "Stop needing you?" he asks him. "Stop wanting you?"
Yoochun turns around, afraid to look into his eyes.
He can hear him moving closer again. "You want me to stop loving you?" he questions softly.
Yoochun's blood runs hot through his body, his skin tingling, it messes with his head and he stumbles a bit on jelly legs to move away but Changmin's so close it feels like an invisible rope pulling him closer. "Don't say that."
Changmin frowns and he looks soft and sad. "I can't do that, Hyung," he bites his lip gently and Yoochun feels his spine melting.
"Changmin," he whispers pleadingly but Changmin's hands wrap around him, his fingers sliding along his back, holding him, pressing against his body. He's warm and precious, smells like faint cologne.
"Please don't do this, Yoochun, please," he begs softly, so sweetly Yoochun shivers. "Whatever you want, I'll do it," he breathes into his neck, the soft caress of his lips sizzling against his skin.
Yoochun tenses and grabs Changmin's wandering hands, stepping back, looking into his broken eyes that glitter dangerously lose to tears. "I want you to stay away from me," it almost sounds like he's someone else, with a different voice. He moves back again and Changmin's chins quivers slightly.
"Hyung-"
Yoochun slides his hands away from his wrists and his heart is breaking. "I'm leaving now," he takes a step back and Changmin watches him silently. "Stay in here until I'm gone," he's almost to the door and he can see Changmin close to his breaking point, standing still, his emotion rosy on his cheeks, wet around his lashes. "That's what I want."
And he's almost out, almost free when he feels Changmin pull him back and wrap his arms from behind him and he's crying.
He hasn't seen Changmin cry in years.
"Stop crying," he says and again, it's not the voice he recognizes because if it were really him he would turn around and hold him. Wipe the tears from his eyes and kiss his pain away. The kind of kiss that would leave him feeling like a true brother.
But he can't trust himself to feel that way anymore. He wants to kiss him, he wants to hold him, he wants to wipe the tears from his eyes, but it would be different now.
Because now he wants Changmin, more so than he wants to help him.
"Stay just for tonight," Changmin asks wetly, tightening his arms leaving Yoochun breathless.
"Changmin, let me go," he tries to pull away but his strength is unyielding and the longer he feels his arms around his body, Yoochun wants to stay in them.
"Please," Changmin presses his cheek against his shoulder blade and they breathe as one. "Then you can leave, I promise," his voice is weak and slathered in desperation. "I won't stop you."
He knows he shouldn't, the voice in his mind is yelling at him to run away but the cry in heart wants to stay.
And he's always followed his heart, no matter where it leads him.
Yoochun takes a deep, penitent breath and turns around in Changmin's arms and he finally holds him, the way he's wanted to and Changmin melts perfectly into his embrace. "Don't cry, Changmin," he whispers and weaves his fingers through Changmin's hair soothingly.
He should've known not to come back. He should've been smarter.
He knows Junsu would be disappointed in him but if he doesn't, Changmin would be devastated and the idea of that seems more painful.
So he agrees and wonders when his conscience deserted him.
Yoochun sends Jaejoong and Yunho home, thanking Yunho profusely for all his help. He shoves Jaejoong out the door without a word and locks it. He can hear Yunho laughing as he leans against the door trying to catch his breath.
His eyes travel towards the staircase, following a blocked trail to Changmin's room where Changmin is waiting for him.
There's a moment of flight that comes to him, where he seriously considers leaving himself, just grabbing his keys and taking off, without Changmin knowing, but it disappears almost as quickly as it comes.
Because he wants to stay, even if it’s the last time.
| 03 |
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