i don't know if its that i just really don't want to be here right now, or if i really just need to be back there, but i just cant get over it. i cant do anything without thinking about being back and its leaving me with a horrible empty feeling that haunts me even when i'm trying to lose myself in the here and now of my life. i miss too much, but ( Read more... )

i'm sad. samantha and sara are in sydney and i'm jealous. i miss jeff and i miss justin and everyone who i want to see but cant. i think about it every single day and i literally cannot think of anything i would rather do than get back on a plane and get it all back. i cant move on ( Read more... )

i'm homesick for a place that isn't even my home... i keep getting this gross empty pit feeling in my stomach everytime i think about it. it gives me anxiety and i actually have to tell myself outloud that i'll be ok ( Read more... )

soo it came last night. the uncontrollable cry that i knew would eventually come while we were out with everyone. it started when shannon told us he had to go to melbourne on the day of our going away party. full blown hysterical crying with shannon until i composed myself, and then started again an hour or two later in the bathroom with jena ( Read more... )

last night me and jena went to icebar in circular quay. when we went outside afterwards to have a cig, just standing there looking out at the harbor and the bridge and everything made me want to cry. never in my life have i ever wanted to be in 2 places at once so much. normally when i'm at school all i want is some time to go home, and when i'm at ( Read more... )

last week me and jeff were walking back from paddy's market after buying our super fab sunnies and eating 5 star kebabs, and we started talking about the last couple of months and how everything just happened in such a weird and perfect way. i never ever think that things happen for a reason. i've always thought that things more or less happen by ( Read more... )

the other night i had my first drunk irrational cry since i've been here. it was unecessary of course, but it was comforting in a weird sort of way. it reminded me that i still have stupid little issues that i need to work on, and i think for once i realized that thats ok. australia has been amazing in every way and i really think its the best ( Read more... )

it feels weird to know that i'm here, living my life on the completely opposite side of the world than all my friends are now living theirs. before with everyone spread out, at school and in other countries, it was easy to forget about the fact that life was going on without me because everyone was doing such different things. now everyone's going ( Read more... )

i live in this make believe world where i convince myself that classes don't matter and that my time would be better spent doing more fun things that i enjoy. me and jena were on our way to class this morning, but we somehow ended up in the mall drinking coffee and eating treats. oh well... i'll make it to one class today which is actually an ( Read more... )

well the family's gone, left this morning. the whole week was weird. for some reason it just felt uncomfortable for them to be here. i guess because i've become so accustomed to my life here without them, and as bad as it sounds, it was difficult to all of a sudden work them into my routine. i know they ended up feeling like i was ungrateful and ( Read more... )