I’m sure you’ve heard about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory by now. It’s an old oldie but a goody, and there are plenty more where that came from. Because you know ‘em, I know ‘em, and that sketchy-looking guy next to you on the bus knows ‘em. They’re blonde jokes, and any kid growing up would be lost without at least a couple in ( Read more... )

“Write about marshmallows.”

That’s what she told me.

We were sitting in lawn chairs, squinting and blinking against the smoke from the fire as we made s’mores, and she told me to write about marshmallows. I cocked my head and furrowed my brows. And then I nodded. I told her I could make that work.

Sometimes I think I smell onions. There is almost never an onion in sight when I think I smell them. My first reaction upon encountering this familiar scent is “Yum, onions!” because I am quite fond of that particular root vegetable. My second reaction, which is always very quick in following the first, is “I wonder if that is someone’s body odor ( Read more... )

I saw Twilight: Eclipse. And by and large, I thought it was a pretty decent movie ( Read more... )

Over the past few years, I’ve watched enough NatGeo to know that when it comes to sex, pretty much anything goes. But truth be told, the sex really isn’t what makes things interesting- although seeing a male giraffe trying to mount a female at the zoo was good for a chuckle.

And the people!-oh baby, the people. Bulldykes, lipstick lesbians, soft butches, androgynes, bisexuals, pansexuals, trannies, grannies, twinks, bears, leather daddies, and topless ladies of both chromosomal origin buzzed around the park like a hive of excitable honeybees.

My eyes are burning from sleepiness, but theycan’t stop darting back to the TV where Bobby Flay is challenging a San Antonio woman to a “puffy taco” battle. My head is throbbing with every beat of my heart. My nostrils are flaring because of the damp smell that mysteriously emanates from the downstairs shower. Yet all of the sudden, I’m feeling ( Read more... )

Some people have their biological clock ticking down to Parenthood.

Mine is winding down to Success

When it comes to things that are cyclical in nature, the ones most easily-predicted are, without a doubt, ones that are directly related to the whims of people. There are all sorts of trends that come and go each year, like senioritis, making resolutions, patterns of shopping… the list goes on (although not very far for me since I only had a 1×2 ( Read more... )

Some people consider themselves to be “lovers” and not “fighters”. Some people are just downright aggressive and seem to lack the capacity to be calm and caring at all. As for me, I think that because I’m a lover, I’m also a fighter, and vice versa. Although loving and fighting might appear to be a world apart from each other, they’re actually more ( Read more... )