( Read more... )

i feel like i could turn my life into an avril lavigne song.  sing about how messed up everything is, how i can't get out of the hole i've dug myself into, and in the end ... she still can't find her way out.  the camera zooms out while this little girl (who's not so little anymore) is huddled up in the corner, hugging her knees on the bathroom ( Read more... )

Sitting upstairs in a familiar cafe where the barista greeted me "So nice to see you!  It's been awhile!"  The combination of warm air and a warm drink.  Windows let in some breeze while i sit here typing on a round table big enough for about 6 of me to crowd around.  About to get out my book and start studying, but all i could do was ( Read more... )

I'm leaving the country to start a new life in exactly 13 days.
If that can't break the cycle of my self-destructive nature and feelings of hopelessness, then I don't know what will.
This gives a whole new meaning to breaking away

out of the darkness and into the sun

chips + hummus & salsa
2 pop tarts
2 bowls of cereal

correction = fingers down throat & toilet.

me = nasty&gross.

this scenario + 7yrs = hell.

why can't i get over this???
& i still weigh the fucking same. up & down 20+ lbs...where is this getting me??? nowhere, and fast.  i'm seriously gonna die if this keeps up.

you self-destructive little girl
pick ( Read more... )

So.... I'm quitting my job next week.  I am so excited about that.  Like, thrilled.  I'm so ready to get this whole waitressing shit over with, and God help me if I ever have to do it again.  i'm SO over it.

they fixed my hair and the horrid blonde is gone.  it's now a brownish-red color which i actually like.  Comments from others: makes my green ( Read more... )

I'm at my sister's place to see her and the kids before I leave the country next month.  We dyed our hair together -- both to feel better about the lives we're stuck in.  I cut mine too.  Mine is blonde and, god, it's terrible.  Just terrible.  I even cried about it, haha.  I know it's just hair, but now I can literally say that there is nothing on ( Read more... )

I was sitting beside a girl in church this morning.  Comparably, I knew I had a good ten or more pounds on her and it made me really sad that that's all i could think about in church.  How I wasn't as thin as the girl sitting next to me.  In fact, I felt nasty next to her ... almost like God couldn't possibly accept me as I am because my thighs ( Read more... )

Alot has happened since I last wrote ( Read more... )

Better today.  So I took the hosting job downtown...and now I'm thinking that was a super dumb decision since waitressing makes so much more money.  But I think I was afraid I would hate my job and I couldn't do it.  I wasn't the best server in the world when i did it last year...or maybe I was just too hard on myself.  Anyways...I really like the ( Read more... )