i am a disgusting mess of a person ( Read more... )

My sister isn't coming to my graduation because she doesn't want her baby on a southern california plane with the swine flu whirling about. 
the one thing that made me at least a little bit happy to go to graduation *shrug*, gone.

i'm so upset with myself.  i watched the last two episodes of america's next top model and saw London get voted off ( Read more... )

three and a half days before the devil swallows me hole.  i only hope he spits me back out again not too damaged. either that, or i'd rather him erase me forever ( Read more... )

I purged a week ago for the first time in three and a half months.  Since then, I've probably done it about 5 times, and I'm worried even as I write this that I will go and do it again as the lettuce and bread (pathetic) digests in my stomach.  At the moment, it seems the hardest thing to do.  I thought I was free and I was so proud of myself.  I'm ( Read more... )

I was speaking to my friend earlier on the coincidence of not writing in my journal all last semester.  I wonder why?  I was generally happy last semester, and I had someone to talk to.  Maybe I only write in my journal during the really hard times -- when I feel like I can't get up and walk out the door without breaking down.  I need to spill all ( Read more... )

this morning, church was exhilarating and thought-provoking.  i always think that i don't need church until i go and i realize how dead i am inside.  every week.  you think something would change by now.
actually that's not true.  i crave church...and every week i know that deep inside I want to go so bad, but something inside tell me i'm not worth ( Read more... )

She wants to try
But has much procrastination
She’s unsure and insecure
She thinks her cure is starvation.

I read that somewhere.  Procrastination is my first, middle, and last name.  In fact, that's really why I get so upset with myself most the time...why school was sometimes a living hell when all I had to do was plan on doing my assignments in a ( Read more... )

I read through my entire journal today.  In my head I followed myself through the past 2 to 3 years.  Did I like what I saw?
Ouch.
Dare I say no? Dare I say anything?
I loved what I made of myself because this journal is filled with....intensity of emotion.  And it makes me happy that I can feel and then express it exactly the way I like.  So that ( Read more... )

I have an interview tomorrow for an internship... I feel really good about this ( Read more... )

I didn't realize it was so easy to lose yourself.  I've been away from school for 2 months now.  Away from having a daily routine of classes, activities, friends, etc.  And now there's just me.  here. with no initiative.  no purpose.  the economy is kicking me in the butt so i decide to just lay flat and not move?  That's not the me i know ( Read more... )