I fucked everything up. I always do. It took me a long while to realize, his questioning wasn't going to go away, the guilt and the embarassment i feel isn't going to go away the pain that i've caused him, will probably never go away. I want to run away like i always do. I figure he'd be better off that way. He wouldn't have to see me...and this ( Read more... )

Yesterday is such a blurr...haha.we'll start with getting out of work I went to starbucks like usual I do when i get to work late will was there, I was excited to see him...we went to walmart and it was awsome, we joked around and were playing around like it was the real us again...smiles and laughter the whole nine. We go back to starbucks and ( Read more... )

i was lying in my bed when i heard the wind howling...it's the first time in a long time i felt normal. Halloween... fall...something about it, the eeriness of the wind knocking on my window, or this whole house creeking with the sudden change of direction. IT makes me feel home, whole. At ease. I don't like being in the wind, but i do like ( Read more... )

It's odd, how I thought i'd find what i was looking for. I haven't found anything. I'm regretting the fact that i invited corey here because of the fact the he's a boring person and he never wants to do anything...he just wants to be with me...he's kind of like will in that way, if i'm not flirty or affectionate he gets his feelings hurt. Like i ( Read more... )

It's disgusting the things i'll do to make people happy. Not in a bad way, just when i think about it...my life is all about other peoples you know. Some people might say that's not the way to live, but As the temptations said it I'm gonna love the live and i'm gonna live the life I love Today was such a beautiful day. I'm gonna miss it. Those ( Read more... )

So it's nice out today, and i want to go to the bronx...but i can't because i have to help around this house. Rediculous...i know. I wish i knew it for sure, that he liked me and no one else...I mean even when we're not together you know...like there's no one else that he could think of being with. No one with a better personality...I mean ( Read more... )

I wish i didn't feel like i had to be the prettiest girl ever... some girls are just hott. some are cute...but i'm not in the picture. Their hair their lip rings, complexions...u know it's a disease. wanting perfection wanting to be perfect. But that's what life teaches u...i wasn't gifted....when i was younger i don't remember so many beautiful ( Read more... )

How come it's like EVERYONE has to be wills friend to talk to about me? Like can't he just stick to one person...like he's supposed to talk to his guy friends, and i'm supposed to talk to my girlfriends...and seeing as i have only one girlfriend, and he talks to her about me i cannot talk to her about him because then she's just getting in the ( Read more... )

This sounds totally stupid, but since i didn't get what a wanted out of this break/breakup i've decided there will be no going back. As much as i probably want it to work out, it's probably not going to, because as much space as i want, i expected something different from the breakup...maybe a heartpounding I'm sorry for everything i love you, ( Read more... )

So seriously Matchbox 20 says it all. it's so depressing, but it makes me think. Things are never the way you expect them to be. So seriously if this was my idea, why is it so hard for me to grasp the concept. I don't want anyone out of my life, I just want to take back control of my life, which it seems i have just given up control to the first ( Read more... )