[Seven]Downfall
Seven. Recollection.
It’s around 1:00 A.M. and I can’t sleep at all. I toss and turn for a good twenty minutes but I am still wide awake. I turn on my night lamp I sit up and lean against my headboard.
For the fifth time today, I’ve been thinking about how Yuri’s appearance changed when I saw her today.
I’m somehow worried because something serious may have happened to her.
For all I know, maybe a close relative died or maybe something about her grades. She shouldn’t overwork herself-especially since finals are coming up.
I think I’m gonna text her. I don’t really have anything else to do anyway.
I grab my phone and I type a something on the screen.
“Hey.”
I’m gonna close my eyes for a bit while I wait.
Right when I almost fell asleep, my phone vibrates and it wakes me up.
“Hey.” She replies back.
I feel relieved that she’s replying to me.
“What are you doing? It’s late.”
While waiting for her texts, I close my eyes again while waiting.
“Finishing my report. I’m going to sleep soon.”
“Okay, I’m tired myself. I think I’m gonna go sleep. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
I was about to type goodnight back but I changed my mind and typed something completely different.
“Let’s see each other tomorrow.”
“Ok.”
“Meet me after practice, same place.”
I didn’t hear my phone ring anymore so I sleep peacefully until morning.
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We didn’t really have a lot of things to do this week so our schedule for today unexpectedly ended a bit early.
I look around for signs of her but I don’t see her at all. Maybe she really doesn’t want to see me at all? I mean, maybe she really got hurt with what I did but it was her fault for being persistent anyway. But then again, it was really mean if you look at it.
I try to wait a bit longer, sighing while I look at my watch. She should’ve been here by now if it was a normal practice day.
Ten long minutes just passed, I think I’m going to go home. They’re also closing the theatre so either way, I can’t stay.
If she doesn’t want to talk then fine, I won’t force her.
I pick up my duffel bag and stand up.
Then I hear slow footsteps, walking towards me and it was her, with a straight face.
I’m a bit tired so I’m not gonna argue with her being late.
“Sorry.” She says and I wait for her to elaborate on that but there was none.
“It’s okay. Let’s go?” I tell her as she walks towards the exit and I follow.
This feels like the old times when she would wait on me.
I look at her hand and I want to hold it like before. Can I? Should I?
What if she gets mad and tells me off?
I think it doesn’t hurt to try. I take a few steps to match her pace and, here goes nothing. I reach for her hand.
I feel her get startled as I settle my hand onto hers. I grip it more, making myself comfortable.
I feel her hand tighten and it stays like that for a minute or so. Then she eventually loosens it, and she lets my hand go.
Did I do something wrong?
We eventually arrive at our destination, the university garden. It was quiet and the bench we found was in front the rose bushes.
We take our seats and I wait for her to say something. Silence filled the atmosphere so I finally spoke up.
“Was that your girlfriend with you the other day?”
I ask without looking. The silence between us is making me a bit tense.
“Yeah.” She replies with hesitation. I think I made the wrong decision to ask.
“When did you guys start dating?” I look to her direction with a sweet smile but she is still looking on the ground with a frown on her face and her hands clenched into fists on her lap.
She made no response.
“Yuri? Look at me?” I softly say.
She’s not doing anything but staying on the same position. I don’t even know what I did that made her feel sad all of a sudden.
I slide in closer to her and I put my hand over hers. It hurts me to see her sad like this.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” I caress her hand with my thumb.
I swear, I saw a teardrop fall on her other hand before she lifted it onto her face.
Still looking down, she then stands up while still wiping her eyes.
“I…I have something in my eyes. I need to go.” She says with her head down, avoiding my gaze. I just look at her walking away from me.
Why won’t she tell me what’s going on?
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Feeling sad from the situation that just happened, I think I’m just going to stay on the bench a little longer.
As I look at the sunset, I remember an old line she said, sometime ago.
“Sometimes beautiful things need to come to an end.” I guess I finally understand what she meant with that.
When I was just ready to leave, I saw someone with an upset expression walking towards me.
“You never fail to amuse me!” she screams.
Who is this girl screaming all over me?
“What?” I reply to her. If she wants to be hostile, then I’ll show her hostile.
“You did it again! Are you happy? You broke her heart again!”
“What are you talking about.”
“I’m talking about Yuri! Do you just go around breaking people’s hearts, throw them away and forget like you never did anything to them? She came to me crying and she told me what happened.”
I pause at what she just said. I hurt Yuri?
I don’t reply, but I let her talk.
“All this time I’ve been comforting her from the damage that you have done to her and you just barge in like this, thinking that things are gonna return to the same state? What are you, stupid? Yuri is a good person and you took advantage of that. You used her, led her on, and then you threw her away. After what you’ve done, if I wasn’t there to encourage her to go back to school or cover for her during the days she was absent, I won’t be surprised if she stopped her plans of being a doctor. Actually, no, that’s not the worst part, let me tell you this. I’m sure you’d be delighted to hear it! If I didn’t go to her apartment to check on how she is coping up, then she would have been dead by now! She tried to kill herself, thinking that that would stop herself from thinking about you! She wanted to kill herself because of what you did! Don’t you think you’ve done enough? Please! If you want what’s good for her, stop this nonsense and let her move on!”
I feel my heart beat fast from what she just said. I am filled with nothing but fear. I am responsible for all the things that Yuri is going through, even as of right now.
All of the things she said, they were things that I can’t deny but I didn’t intend it to go that far.
I eventually see her leave and all I can feel are warm tears sliding down my face.
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I walk around for a little bit longer today because I don’t think I want to go home yet.
Passing by all these streets, I look at the restaurants surrounding me, only to remember the things we ate whenever we had our little dinners. It makes me nostalgic. I think I’m going to pass by her house today and give a proper apology.
Everything that the girl said to me, they were things that I overlooked. I never knew that she was suffering that much.
I slow my pace, trying to gather up words that I should say, as I apologize. Before I knew it, I’m already on her doorway.
I gently knock on her door but it seems like no lights are on, even if it’s near the end of the sunset. I try to knock even harder because maybe she just didn’t hear me the first time. After a few more failed attempts, I think something is wrong.
Looking through her window, I realized that I was right. Her things are gone.
If I was the reason why she left, then this is way more serious than I have ever thought.
I shed tears as I walk on my way home.
Yuri, I’m sorry for everything. I really am.
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Eight. Epiphany.