Enlighten me, please

[jacquelinetm]

I've been thinking a lot during the past five to six months. I even quit smoking cigs during that time... with no aid from "stop smoking" products. What's strange is that it wasn't difficult for me... even as a heavy smoker for 27 years. I also quit taking Xanax with, surprisingly, no horrible withdrawal symptoms. I haven't been this clean

Comments

[jacquelinetm]

You turned MEAN on a.g.???? LMFAO...oh I wish I could have see that!!! That's like Mother Teresa turning into a bitch...or Ghandi (sp?) turning into a glutton!..LOL....oh man, I love you! <3

[photosexual]

Grief is something that you can get through if you allow it to happen. 99% of people I've met, or know, find all sorts of excuses or diversions to hide, avoid, or otherwise deny grief. Silly humans. It doesn't go away if you don't let it work its course. Painful? Uncomfortable? You bet. Now, let it happen and when it's done, you'll not have to re-visit it or carry the baggage. Easier said than done. But there's your challenge. Google the stages of grief, and recognize and allow them to be there and complete. It's that blunt and uncomplicated

[jacquelinetm]

Thank you, sweetie... I really appreciate the time and effort to write out some suggestions to help me understand what you have gone through to better your situation. Currently, I am prescribed Prozac, but you know as well as I do... it's hard to consider that a "controlled substance" because of the lack of the feeling of instant gratification, like a "buzz"...lol.

Thanks, again, for caring enough to respond to my entry... that means a lot to me! :)

*HUGS*!

grief/loss

[keithlnorris]

It sounds like you've found a coping mechanism in the midst of your grief, much as I did. When I lost my Father, I did my best to hide from that reality as deeply as I could. Reality didn't change, but the quality of my life certainly did. I destroyed my life to the degree that my freedom was taken from me....literally. As it turns out, that was a blessing in disguise. The closer I came to sobriety and self-control, the more I realized I had to face the truth and with my faith in God and the love of friends and family, I celebrated life for the first time in decades. I have had to turn my back on my old way of life and with that comes loneliness. I have a very small, select circle of friends now...actually the ones that were my friends all along. I have gained so much more than I could have ever lost and I lost plenty. From here on out, I will grab reality by the ears and stare it straight in the face. Nothing life can throw at me will ever be as bad as what I did to myself

Re: grief/loss

[jacquelinetm]

Facing the reality of what is going on sober really bites, but at least it doesn't prolong it like "escaping via substance abuse" would.

I read that message that you sent... the fact that you had that conversation with my mom really showed me how much she loved me... and it breaks my heart.... can't think about that now...getting teary-eyed.

Love you...

hmmmn

[troll_speak]

I guess I have survived with the ongoing depression and past grief (that still makes its presence known on ireegular intervals) by a mix of just being unwilling to let things beat me by pushing myself onwards. I have bad days when I don't want to get out of bed, eat etc and have my insomnia issues, but I still just push myself on. While I have not been able to 'beat' these things I just keep going

Re: hmmmn

[jacquelinetm]

My online friends, such as yourself, are a major source of strength to me also. I couldn't have wished for better people to call my buddies. :) I've been sketching a lot lately... nothing that could possibly be worthy of showing, but it helped me deal with stress and I felt like I had accomplished something. It was a sketch of Lennon and Yoko...lol...Yoko only reached his knees in the sketch, which I thought was hilarious. :) No, I'm not posting that any time soon... maybe in the future, though.

Thank you for your words... I am so blessed to have a friend like you!

HUGS!

Re: hmmmn

[troll_speak]

I am always surprised about the online friends I have found. They, like yourself, constantly amaze me. The ability they have to show caring and love and kindness for someone they have never met and for me, will never meet is astounding.

I want to see your drawing work. If you are not happy posting this new one, I would love to see others. I would love to see what that amazing mind of yours comes up with.

And if i have not said it before, i have loved when you post the art that is photos taken of you. You are beautiful and have been one of those muses who have inspired me to write what I write.

Oh and if you are not careful, ya are going to have this fierce creature blushing and what would that do for my reputation of being a hard hearted bastard? hmmmn?

have another troll hug and a big slobbering troll lick.

the troll

Lawrence

Re: hmmmn

[jacquelinetm]

I'll think about posting the Lennon/Ono sketch... I like it, but it's a bit obsessive -- including Lennon/Beatles lyrics in every possible space available. It started out as an "Imagine" piece, but soon I was filling every empty space with with other lyrics. LOL... how very OCD of me. ;)

At least my sketches have become a bit more lighter... I used to only sketch monsters and demon-like beings... it's that love of dark art, I guess. I only sketch caricatures and cartoon-like things... realistic sketches are for the truly talented.

*Enjoying that troll lick* :}~

[trizia]

During the 18 months of hell that was the break up with the ex I went tee-total. He and his new main partner drank A LOT, even more than he and I were used to drinking, so it was a reaction to that. Also I had been drinking more amd more in order to cope with the lifestyle he expected of me

[jacquelinetm]

I was also depressed as a child, especially at age 12, like yourself. My mom didn't understand and expected me to just "snap out of it".

Good point about the professionals only seeing you when you're able to get out... unfortunately, we don't get seen when we're at our lowest of lows.

I feel that it's inhumane for a doctor to deny pain relief for their patients with chronic pain because those patients are suffering with a poor quality of life... it's not fair.

[trizia]

My mum still doesn't understand depression and still thinks getting better is simply a matter of 'pulling your socks up' - grrrr.