There are people who are good for you and people who aren't. I moved to Melbourne in the first place to displace a number of those bad relationships, so I truly understand what you mean.
One of the problems with people is that they decide who you are and then you're expected to be that person forever. The concept tat people can change or that they may have been wrong in their assessment rarely occurs to anyone. (Anyone still their mother or father's "little girl/boy", despite being in their 30s or 40s?)
We add to the problem by the tendency to be a different person with different people and situations. And when we interact with a group of people who have different views of us at the same time it can cause serious conflict.
All of that is really a roundabout way of getting to - just be who you both are. Those who matter won't care and those who care don't matter.
Hugs, thanks. I am so WTF that I feel like I've bashed my head with something... It is a surreal thing really.
Still the other discussion last night has shed a little light on the possible root cause. And have had some fantastic responses overnight from another BDSM community which has been amazing.
Hi there, I saw your post to the greater BDSM group and well I get intimidated being the first to post. :) That and I'd rather leave a note on your journal
( ... )
Thankyou for you reply, and thankyou for you reassurance.
Actually We sat last night and talked for hours trying to figure out what the block was and where it had come from and we are trying some things out...
And the response from the community has been overwhelming and so positive... I think it is going to take the rest of the night to reply to them all :)
Isn't it though? I was starting to think maybe I had a swastika tattooed on myself with the way people were freaking out...
Problem is I kind of don't know what I want, aside from wanting him and wanting to be happy... I get so jealous of him and his role in our relationship and then I get pouty and just want to sulk. Very strange indeed.
The people who, when it is pointed out that they are doing something wrong or harmful, will acknowledge their error, apologize and do their best not to do it again.
And the people who, when it is pointed out that they are doing something wrong or harmful, will react in anger and blame, seeking to deny all wrongdoing and cast YOU as the villain for being so unkind as to try to "blame" them for something.
I'm learning this lesson myself. Befriend the first kind, avoid close associations with the second.
I should also add another lesson that I'm learning in regards to this;
Don't take the blame and anger of that second group to heart. They WANT you to think that YOU are the villain and misbehaver here when you are not. In this way they can avoid the rightful blame for their misdeeds and, should you accept and display any shame for your end of things, use this to show others that you are the villain and not them.
Be strong in your departure from them and strong in your certainty that you are doing the right thing.
I don't know what else to say because you are always just... well... wise about this sort of thing. Tend to read your replies and go, well yeah.... I knew that... honest.
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There are people who are good for you and people who aren't. I moved to Melbourne in the first place to displace a number of those bad relationships, so I truly understand what you mean.
One of the problems with people is that they decide who you are and then you're expected to be that person forever. The concept tat people can change or that they may have been wrong in their assessment rarely occurs to anyone. (Anyone still their mother or father's "little girl/boy", despite being in their 30s or 40s?)
We add to the problem by the tendency to be a different person with different people and situations. And when we interact with a group of people who have different views of us at the same time it can cause serious conflict.
All of that is really a roundabout way of getting to - just be who you both are. Those who matter won't care and those who care don't matter.
Reply
Still the other discussion last night has shed a little light on the possible root cause. And have had some fantastic responses overnight from another BDSM community which has been amazing.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Actually We sat last night and talked for hours trying to figure out what the block was and where it had come from and we are trying some things out...
And the response from the community has been overwhelming and so positive... I think it is going to take the rest of the night to reply to them all :)
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Found a good community though so happy happy now.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Problem is I kind of don't know what I want, aside from wanting him and wanting to be happy... I get so jealous of him and his role in our relationship and then I get pouty and just want to sulk. Very strange indeed.
Reply
The people who, when it is pointed out that they are doing something wrong or harmful, will acknowledge their error, apologize and do their best not to do it again.
And the people who, when it is pointed out that they are doing something wrong or harmful, will react in anger and blame, seeking to deny all wrongdoing and cast YOU as the villain for being so unkind as to try to "blame" them for something.
I'm learning this lesson myself. Befriend the first kind, avoid close associations with the second.
Reply
Don't take the blame and anger of that second group to heart. They WANT you to think that YOU are the villain and misbehaver here when you are not. In this way they can avoid the rightful blame for their misdeeds and, should you accept and display any shame for your end of things, use this to show others that you are the villain and not them.
Be strong in your departure from them and strong in your certainty that you are doing the right thing.
Because you are.
Reply
I don't know what else to say because you are always just... well... wise about this sort of thing. Tend to read your replies and go, well yeah.... I knew that... honest.
Reply
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