i just started to have a panic attack. i know this because i've read about panic attacks and knew what accompanied them. This being hyperventilating, and increasing fast heart beat. i almost lost it. as to what caused this it has to do with my roommate situation, my bad habits and his personality. so anyway. bad news. and i lost it because of it ( Read more... )

my mind is lit, so i'll go with it ( Read more... )

well. slept in again. dread. stayed there till 3. finally i got some work done. four-five hours or so. and got something accomplished. was just taking a break. hope its not for too long. oh, and i did take my stuff around 6/7ish so maybe that's why i'm ok?? hmm.. more research on st johns. newayz. i promise myself, i will not pick that ( Read more... )

i bought this book. "get me out of here"
its what's doing this too me right now.
mental note.
p.s. still taking st johns.
slept all day again.
studied some.
deciding on sleep or study.

my sis said that at one point. that's what it feels like.

" it feels like its never going to end"

i want to stop talking to alex again. i dont have any idea if i should or shouldn't. he is either the best thing or the worst thing for me.  or i want to think hes one or the other. i'm not sure its worth the fight i fight every day after i opened ( Read more... )

so far. so good.

Mental note, 2 weeks from today Dec 16th. see how i am.

(strange occurance - talked to monkey boy today - very very strange)

hmm today has been a bit mixed. I slept through class - not good, and stayed in bed till around one. then i got up for a bit, and tried to sit down to study, but was distracted, couldn't get myself to focus. so i told myself oh just until 2:15 lol, yea right.. my kitty is so soft and cuddly, fell back asleep till around 5ish.. damn. yea. i ( Read more... )

i've decided like the stubborn self i am, to take this depression of mine into my own hands. lol. i bought some st. john's wort today, and started taking it.. i'm just going to add it, and start taking all my vitamins again, and see if the sources are true that have said, it seems to often be just as effective as prozac/etc ( Read more... )

a very good friend of mine said this tonight of himself,
im not proud caus i stay up all night on this damn comp everytime i sit in front of it. . .

ditto.
Mood, peaceful, numb, longing, bittersweet, thoughtful, ready for action.

you know the sucking chest wound is back WHEN:

1. you just got out of the shower and all you want to do is take a shower so you can feel clean again
2. you dread going to sleep because you know that when you wake you wont want to get out of bed
3. nothing anybody can say can make the hole in your soul lessen
4. you honestly believe the world is VILE
5. you dont ( Read more... )