I've never been so uncomfortable with being alone. It has me feeling messy. I never used to be like this. I know I'm looking better than ever, and yet my insecurities are spilling out of every part of me. I fucking hate sleeping alone. I hate the silence. And yet I also hate the attention from others. I hate the idea of anyone being too close to me ( Read more... )

I worry that I'm never going to feel truly connected to the people in my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm just humoring everyone around me. I'm not really interested in anything they like, I'm aware that half the stuff they say is inaccurate or short-sighted. I'm not challenged. I can't make myself care and it sucks. I don't know why I'm naturally ( Read more... )

There’s a sadness I can’t shake sitting in my chest and stealing my concentration. It creeps up every time I have a quiet moment alone. They’ve been rare as I’ve been moving and building and setting up. But as things are settling I’m left more and more aware of the missing.

I’m not dating. I’m focusing on myself and my health and school and setting up my house. I’m busy and exhausted and I miss you both very much.

What if I didn’t give us enough time

What if all of it really was fixable

I feel like I’m drowning

Time spent in a relationship is not a reason to stay in a relationship

Loneliness is not a reason to stay in a relationship

Fear is not a reason to stay in a relationship

Tonight is the hardest night so far and by far. Sleeping alone in this bed we shared is worse than sleeping on a dog scented itchy couch. I’m falling asleep to a movie like I used to ( Read more... )

Nothing prepares you for the way the walls look when you take down the photos

The panic you feel when faced with empty frames

Did I miscalculate the proportion of my misgivings to our memories?

Teach me how I grieve the end of what I thought had long been over.

We’re lying on the couch

Quietly listening to the rain

Without speaking but together

You get up and go to the room

To do the same thing

But away from me

Why do you instinctively put space between us?

Drunk on a Wednesday and it's pretty novel. Spending time with someone that doesn't know me well and they were surprised I had ever been sexually promiscuous. It was interesting. I present myself differently. I got this new tattoo and Tori said it's like I'm my evolved form now. I think she's right. I feel more comfortable in this skin despite the ( Read more... )

A computer repair store decorated in seahorses